The Unsaid Story
by Gemini.L.Beatrice
Summary: Story of Finnick Odair from when he wins the tournament to the end. Rating has been changed.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The arena shrinks away from me and I'm suddenly inside the hovercraft. Everyone's congratulating me, even as they're stripping me down and poking at my wounds.

My brain is still stuck in the Games because while I know these people are Capitol medics, doctors, and officials, I see them as opponents and my muscles twitch to kill them.

Eventually I do kill one. He must not be important to anyone because no one punishes me for it or even acts as though I just murdered yet another human being. His neck snaps easily, but my fingers are itching for a trident.

They restrain me for the rest of the medical assessment.

The next few days are a whirlwind. They heal me. They feed me. They dress me. They shove me on a stage where I watch other kids die and I watch myself kill.

Another night, Flickerman questions me and it's as if I'm another person when I answer. I've been trained since birth for these Games, so I should be proud to win. I _am_ proud.

But I'm also sickened.

I recount all my "best" moments in the arena. Caesar is very interested in how clever I was when killing a few of the toughest girl tributes. Pretending to care about someone isn't clever. It's cruel, but I force it from my thoughts. I did what I had to do to live and now my district will have enough to eat for the next year. Those girls were stupid enough to believe the lies.

We were in a life and death battle. What person truly believes another when he says he loves her in the middle of a bloodbath? Girls from Districts 1, 5, and 8, that's who.

We talk about the trident. I'm much more comfortable with that topic. There was no manipulation with that.

Finally, it's over and I go home, back to District 4. There's a celebration. Everyone's happy. I'm issued my house and because I'm only fourteen, my mother comes to live with me. My father and brother must stay in their little fishing hut, but I promise to visit every week at least.

One would think I'd be excited to be spared a fisherman's life and more importantly, his death.

My house overlooks the sea, but not the launching point for the boats. That is miles away. It is just as well. I don't want to see the men, women and children risking their lives to feed the Capitol while I sit in my big Capitol-provided house.

I swim every day and it is almost my only pleasure.

Even though I live with my mother, it is Mags, my mentor who helps me as I struggle. I cannot make sense of it all and Mags helps. She's been there. She quells my nightmares and helps me see the patterns of dreams. She tells me that while I was the one that snuffed the life out of those people, some of them just barely twelve, that I wasn't _responsible._ I have a hard time accepting that. I know that it is the Capitol that forces the districts against each other. It is the Capitol that put me into a situation to kill or be killed, but it was my hands that held the spears, the knives, the trident. Those were _my_ words and _my _voice that told those lies; the lies that lured those girls into false comfort.

Mags accompanies me during my Victory Tour. She shields me from the people of the Capitol as much as she can. They scare me. I've never been scared of much in my life, but these odd-looking people with hungry eyes frighten me. They don't have the look of_ actual_ hunger. They are all over-fed, even if they're thin.

I know they all want a piece of me. Young Finnick Odair is already a hot commodity. I know this, even if I can't figure out exactly how many different ways I'm wanted.

Mags helps me figure out how to speak to people. She instructs me, "Be as polite as possible, but act like you're above them; act like you're doing them a favor by even speaking with them. Except for Snow. Be thankful and humble with him and always remember that he holds the cards to your future. He holds _all_ of our cards."

At the next Hunger Games, I am a mentor along with Mags. Other District 4 victors come along to see and be seen. I don't really do anything except learn from Mags. Both of our tributes die this year.

Again, people in the Capitol stare at me. They have that look about them that tells me they want to do more than just stare.

We're up on the roof garden when I ask, "Why do they look at me like that?"

For some reason, she can't quite hold my gaze. "You'll be sixteen at the next Games." She says this as if it clears everything up.

"Next year will be different, Finnick."

"Why? How?"

She still won't meet my eyes and it bothers me. There is nothing interesting about that flowering tree. She doesn't need to stare at it like that. "You'll be considered…"

When she trails off, I've about had enough. "Considered what?"

"Perhaps Mickelson should talk to you."

I don't understand and it annoys me. Mickelson was the other mentor during my Games and he came to watch the current Games, but Mags has always been _my_ mentor. She doesn't want to tell me something. It's something she feels would be easier to hear from a male mentor. It's something that has to do with coming of age next year. Something to do with how the people in the Capitol look at me.

"Will you just tell me?" I practically beg. I don't want to sit here in the dark anymore.

She sighs but finally looks at me.

"You won't be a boy anymore, Finnick. You're attractive and strong. There has already been a lot of interest in you. President Snow will…" She looks around and then shakes her head. Taking my hand, she mumbles something about being thankful the wind is blowing.

I'm still confused.

"You're _wanted._ Tributes are nothing more than a resource to be bought and sold."

I shake my head, still confused. I'm going to be sold? "Bought and sold?"

Her hands cup my face now. "Snow already has plans for you. I've tried to…but nothing's going to change his mind. I'm sorry."

Plans? I still down understand. She can obviously see that because she continues. "There's already a waiting list."

"For what?"

"For you."

"For me?" I'm trying to work this out, but something's still not clicking. "Like…sponsors? But I'm not in the Games anymore."

"Sponsors, yes, in a way, but instead of providing entertainment _inside_ the arena, you'll…provide it _outside_."

I wish she'd just tell me because I have no idea what she's talking about.

"How? Please just tell me, Mags. I'm not…"

"You'll provide a service. Snow will…" She takes in a deep breath and then practically pushes out the words. "You'll have sex with anyone Snow tells you to. They might give you things, but believe me, either Snow owes them or they'll owe Snow."

My mind reels. "But…but there's a girl at home I…"

"He'll kill her. He'll kill your entire family if you refuse."

Her eyes were intense now, searing into mine. "Snow owns you, just like he owns everything else. So go home, spend time with that girl and prepare for what's to come."

Mags kisses me on the forehead before leaving me to ponder my fate all alone in the garden. She was essentially telling me even though I won the Hunger Games, I was still just a piece in Snow's game.

I would be…I was going to be…I am a whore.

My parents, my brother, my friends, they will all be killed if I refuse. I think about Aveen. I've liked her for four years and she finally started talking to me after I won.

We have plans for when we both turn sixteen, but they seem childish now. I can't do that to her. I can't do something with her that she will think is something special, only for her turn around and see me on television with all of the women in the Capitol. I assume I won't be able to tell anyone. I assume these arrangements will be made to look like I'd been given a choice.

Besides, how will I _ever_ be able to tell people about that?

I wonder about Mags. She is sixty-two now and she won forty-six years ago when she was sixteen. I've never known of a president before Snow, but have no idea if he was in power back then. Things like that aren't discussed. Had she been forced into a situation like this?

Does Mags know what will happen to me or my family if I refuse because of personal knowledge?

There are no words that I can find to adequately sum up how horrible I feel.

When I get home, I tell my mother to move out. I stop visiting the little house by the water where I grew up. I refuse to even _look_ at Aveen. Instead, I find a girl I don't like. I barely even know her name.

When I do it with her, I don't think I'm particularly good. A certain fear creeps into me. What if Snow kills those who aren't good at it, those who can't keep people satisfied? What if he kills my family because of it?

Most things come easily to me. I can weave complex patterns, tie the toughest knot, figure out where schools of fish will be, and throw spears, among other things, but I worry that I'm not good at the one thing I _have_ to be good at now.

I have sex with the girl again, but then I go to some of the older girls because they have advice for me. They help me get better and there is no shortage of volunteers. I find that people have a fascination with me. It's disturbing, but it makes my life easier. I get what I want with little or no hassle.

I am empty. All of it is empty, but it's good practice for my new role. It is no different than training for the Games.

I start working on how I talk, how I walk, how I move my tongue to wet my lips. I look at myself for hours on end, practicing winking, the half-smile, the smirk. I talk to myself over and over, doing my best to be the Capitol's version of seductive.

The reaping comes. Volunteers emerge. They look so young, even though the boy is older than I.

Mags and I go to the Capitol with them. I don't bother to learn the girl's name. I can tell by looking at her she'll be dead at the Cornucopia. The boy is good at tying knots. I send him ropes and cords. He does well until the Gamemakers release muttations. They are so small the boy never even sees them until they crawl all over him and he runs into the sea, forgetting how to swim entirely.

But my mind isn't on the Games at all. How could it be?

No. The minute I arrive in the Capitol, I am greeted by Snow himself. He smells of rot and blood and flowers. He leans in close, too close as he explains to me the "choice" I have to make. He's explicit when he tells me what they'll do to my mother.

"That's not necessary," I tell him. "Who do I see tonight?"

The snake-like smile sickens me, but the show is on now. I must perform. These people have paid for me in some way and they want to feel as though I love them. I am young to know what love even is, but I'll pretend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The first lady I'm sold to is over twice my age. She is almost plastic; almost not real at all. Perhaps _sold_ is too firm of a word. I am rented. I am rented out like the suits men in my village wear to their weddings.

I take her to dinner. She eats and then excuses herself to the bathroom where she likely throws up. She returns and eats even more. She eats enough to feed two families for two days at home.

The Capitol provides me with a luxurious room. I take her there. It's what she wants. She wants to see the inside of a mentor's room. She wants to be intimately involved in the Games, but doesn't want to send her child in to kill or be killed.

I learn her name only to satisfy her. Girls and women like to hear their names as much as possible. I bathe her, paying particular attention to her body as she speaks about inane things. She never once asks me a question.

And when it's time, I do what I'm supposed to do. She is…

She isn't like the girls at home. She grabs at me and pushes. She yells strange things. She says words that I've never heard a lady say, but I have to continue even as I correct myself that although she is a woman, she is no lady.

This is my life now.

She leaves my room with the aid of an Avox to show her to the elevator. Her lips and teeth have marked my skin. I feel sickened and angry as I destroy everything in the room she touched. The bed is stripped. The desk is upturned. I throw all of the perfumes and soaps in the bathroom against the wall until they are smashed.

After, I test how long my training center shower can hold hot water. It outlasts me.

For five hours, I stand under the hot stream, scrubbing while remembering the feel of saltwater stinging my eyes as I swim. I miss home. I miss the girls there. They are real and unaltered. They don't smell of sickeningly sweet things like honeysuckle or jasmine. They smell of earth and water. They smell clean and truthful.

I imagine myself swimming during a summer storm. I can picture the waves pounding my buoyant body in the sea. I can feel the seaweed tickling my skin as the waves plunder me, pushing me down, down, down to the peaceful bottom.

When I can take no more, I step out of the shower. The drying pad whisks away the water clinging to my skin and I see that everything that was broken is gone and new items have been put in their place. My room is in perfect condition and it is too much to bear.

I run to the garden in hopes that the wind will be loud enough to block out my thoughts.

Mags is already there and I feel guilty. I should've gone straight to the control room.

"I'm sorry," I say, but she just shakes her head.

"The girl is dead. The boy is stuck in a tree."

"Mags, I…" I don't even know what I want to say, so I sit down next to her. It is only moments later when she is comforting me. I find myself with my head in her lap, her fingers smoothing down my hair. Angry tears form and fall, but neither of us speaks.

It's the same almost every night, only with someone different. I find myself hoping my tributes _don't_ win, not just _this_ year, but ever. If they win, I'll be a traveling whore. I'll go from district to district and back to the Capitol again.

I feel sick at the thought of having sex with whoever is important enough for Snow to bestow "the gift" upon in all twelve districts. I hope that when I got home, I can just _be_. I hope that there is no one in District 4 that warrants my services. I doubt I'll be able to live with it if it becomes known that I…

I go back to my room without saying anything to Mags. She kisses my cheek in a way that brings the tears back, but I push them down.

In the morning, the act is back on. I smile seductively at everyone. I nod to Chaff, the incredibly outgoing mentor for District 11, and to Haymitch, the mentor from 12. Chaff isn't as friendly and upbeat as he puts on and Haymitch is pretending to be drunker than he really is.

It's all a show.

No one knows the real victors. We are all, in one way or another, wearing masks. It is what the Capitol wants; stock characters. The lush, the womanizer, the friend to all, the evil one, the mother figure. It goes on and on.

I can tell the victors don't mind much. It is easier to pretend to be someone else than it is to realize that these things are happening to you. We all were forced into an arena and we all battled to survive. We lied and killed. We suffered. We are all pawns, not just in the Hunger Games, but in the game played daily by the Capitol.

My smile is plastic. My voice is insincere.

Everyone wants Finnick Odair, but no one knows him.

Except for Mags.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Three years pass in exactly the same fashion. Mags and I go to the Capitol as mentors. I sleep with women. Our tributes die. Some come close to winning, but don't.

We train them harder; they still die.

Meanwhile, I keep having sex with whoever I'm told to. I go home with ridiculous gifts. They are all convinced I love them.

But I don't.

Most repulse me with their colored hair and their altered bodies. They all want strange things. None of them want a quiet, gentle night.

Mags and I don't speak of it, but there is always understanding in her eyes. She is like my mother. I rarely see my real mother anymore. Mags is my oldest friend, perhaps my only true friend.

During the 68th Games, I find out that women aren't the only ones anxious for a moment of my time. Everything is worse.

One night during the 69th Hunger Games, the woman I'm with asks so much of me; _too_ much of me. She doesn't want to be at the training center like all the rest. We are at her place. The things she has there are… Well, I've never even dreamed such things existed.

It is too much. When I return the next morning, I am nearing the point of collapse. I have no energy. I have no will to go on with the pretense that I am a virile young man, sampling from every walk of life the Capitol has to offer. I know what my reputation far and wide is and I can't stand it.

Mags takes me up to the roof. Oh, how I wish I could jump off, swim through the air and end it all.

But the force field keeps me there. I don't even attempt it.

Mags holds me in that garden while I weep like the little boy I once was, but will never be again. I have no hope that I will ever lead a normal life. To think that I once fantasized about being a rich victor of the Hunger Games!

I am thankful when our tributes die and another district wins the glory. That means I can go home. Home to the sea; to the salt air and damp breeze.

Once there I spend at least eight hours each day in the water. I float. I swim. I pretend I'm a fish. I imagine my life as a sea creature. I try to avoid the nets, the hooks, the spears.

It's then when I realize that is all I am. I am a fish.

I live in a world where _everyone_, save a few, wants to sink their hooks into me. Everyone wants me, skewered on their plates, my tasty flesh exposed.

I feel hopeless at the next reaping. My life was going to continue this way until I died or I grew too old to be wanted.

I was Finnick Odair, Victor of the 65th Hunger Games. I am Finnick Odair, Capitol-whore.

I stand next to Mags and act like I care about the long history of the Games and the Dark Days. I am expressionless at Archibold Merryweather's voice telling the kids of District 4 that he hopes the odds are in their favor. It is the same every year.

He reaches into the ball and produces a slip of paper. My jaw tenses. It doesn't matter who is called. That girl will be replaced by a volunteer and that volunteer would likely be a corpse in less than a month. It's true that the children of District 4 train illegally for the games, but so do other districts. And District 1 can afford to send more gifts.

I was the last victor from 4.

Even if the girl from 4 wins, she'll probably be nothing more than a whore like me, so where's the upside? I don't even want to look at her. To look at her would be to grow attached and _care_ if she was killed or spread out on a bed for Snow himself.

I shudder at the thought.

"Annabelle Cresta!"

Archibold's voice startles me even though he hasn't shut up in over an hour. I feel as though I know this name, but I can't quite place a face to it.

A girl let out a little sound from the middle of the sectioned-off area. I find her quickly as the rest of the girls back away from her. She freezes for a moment, her green eyes wide. She must remember that she's being televised because she starts to move forward. Her hands are clamped together as she makes her way up to the stage.

She is small but not short, and her long auburn hair flows behind her like a stream.

When she is up on stage the call for volunteers is made. Surprisingly, no other girl steps forward this year. It is strange, but if Annabelle thinks so, her face never conveys it.

She takes her place next to Mags. I can see the girl's whole body shake and I feel compelled to hold her. Mags takes her hands instead because it wouldn't be proper for me to comfort her. After all, according to Archibold, she should be happy and honored to represent her district.

I stare at the girl, even though I don't want to. As Archibold called the boy tribute's name, I recall this girl. She lives down by the sea, near my family's little house. She is only a few years younger than me.

The other kids used to tease her because…because why? I've forgotten.

The boy is quickly replaced by a volunteer from the northern sector. His name is Samuelson Zucker and he is bigger than most boys his age.

Without trying to, my mind starts formulating strategies. Oddly enough, almost all of them involve Annabelle becoming the victor while Samuelson sacrifices himself to save her.

After the tributes are escorted to the Justice Center and say goodbye, we eat dinner together on the train. It will take but a day to travel to the Capitol.

I stare at her all night. She rarely looks up. When Mags asks her if she has any talents, she tells her bowl of stew that she's an adequate swimmer and she ties all of the knots for her father. I watch in fascination as she picks out the contents of the bowl, separates them and eats only the vegetables.

"Is that all?" Samuelson says with a laugh.

I shoot him a scowl, but Annabelle doesn't seem to care that she's being made fun of.

"I can hide," she says softly.

And this is where it hits me. Yes, Annabelle – _Annie_ - Cresta can hide.

I remember now. The children chased her, shouting horrible things and then she just disappeared. I never took part in it, but I remember friends of mine and a few girls who were interested in me would tell me things about her.

If I recall right, they said she'd forget important things, such as dressing properly. I never saw her, but she would apparently come to school in nothing but her nightgown. They said she was absolutely confused as to how she got there. They said she would cover her ears and talk to herself in class and told everyone her dead mother had transformed into a winged mermaid and flew away.

And her father had beaten her black-and-blue when she'd released several crates of crabs. I guess it was a habit of hers. The crabbers would bring in their lot and she would sneak around releasing them, but not after the beating.

"Annie?" I say, trying to draw her attention from away from the stew.

She didn't look up at me, but she did say, "Hello, Finnick"


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note- It would be great to get some reviews from those of you who are reading the story.

**Chapter 4**

"You like her," Mags says after the tributes go to bed.

"She isn't right in the head," I say in response, licking the rest of the chocolate mousse from the serving spoon.

"You still like her." She's smiling now and I'm reminded of how young Mags still is underneath all that old skin.

"There's something…" I stop short. I shouldn't continue. There's no point. I am a whore and Annie only has a one in twenty-four chance of staying alive in the immediate future.

"There's nothing wrong with allowing yourself to feel, my dear Finnick."

I don't know how it is that Mags always manages to read my mind. It is uncanny and in certain situations, annoying.

"I'm her mentor."

"Technically, _I'm_ her mentor."

I feel like shaking the lightness out of her voice. There will be no future for me with with _any_ girl. Despite some instinct within me to protect her, I know I probably can't. Any more thought I give her would be wasted. Besides I don't really know her and everyone thinks she's mad.

I sigh. "Aren't there rules against putting kids in that aren't…you know…at their full mental capacity?"

Mags laughs and I know why. There are no rules.

I banish it all from my mind. Instability aside, I cannot allow myself to think about her. She will be dead in a matter of weeks.

Still, once the train has stopped and we're at the training center, I follow Annie to the roof and watch her as she dances in her gossamer dress. She swirls and twirls in the fresh air and I'm taken by her simple beauty.

I decide that it must be the innocence that rolls off of her and crashes against me like a wave that draws me in.

Suddenly, she stops and her eyes pierce mine. "I didn't kill those birds, you know."

I don't know what she's talking about, but I take a step closer now that she's acknowledged my presence. "What birds?"

"Head Peacekeeper Bounty's." She spins once and then moves to the edge of the building, her hands resting on the ledge as she looks out over the twinkling lights of the city.

I am next to her before I even decide to move.

"He wasn't kind. My father and brothers were out on the boat. I never told them."

I feel ill at her words, my mind going in so many directions, all of them equally disgusting and horrible, trying to fill in the gaps.

For some reason, she laughs. Her eyes are wide and innocent when she turns to me. "Even now he makes me pay for what I didn't do."

I'm still trying to riddle it all out when she skips away toward the garden. I am helpless to do anything but follow.

"No one volunteered, Finnick." She was still smiling, but her eyes were trouble. "_You_ volunteered."

I know the connection she is making. It is rare for a non-volunteer tribute from District 4 to go to the Games. I reach out to her, my hand halting her motion. "I don't understand. Why would he…"

She leans in close and I can smell the sea in her hair.

"I know his secrets." Her fingers twine together nervously. "I didn't tell anyone but he…he wants to make sure."

"How do you know his secrets?"

"He talks in his sleep."

I feel winded like I did when August, the tribute from District 1, hit me in the chest with the blunt mace. The oxygen was knocked out of me then and I feel the same now.

She looks down at her arm and my gaze follows her. I realize now that I'm still touching her.

"I'm sorry," I say, quickly pulling my hand away.

When I look back at her face, she's smiling still. "I didn't kill those birds."

I am struck dumb by now innocent she sounds, but I am sure she _didn't_ kill them. I want to ask her why all the other children taunted her. I want to apologize that I never stepped in. I want to say a lot of things, but she's talking again.

"I saw you." Her eyes are bright with excitement. "On television. When you won. My brothers knew you would. My father bet on you."

She leans in close again and takes my right hand in both of hers. "My mother left me two pearls she found when she was very small. I traded them." She's whispering now. "I wanted to send you something special, so I chipped in and when Hetrick was hunting you, and after you killed the girl from District 3, you got the silver parachute."

She's talking about the medicine and the bread. The girl from three had sliced me with a knife, but the medicine from home patched it up like it never happened. And the bread? The green seaweed bread tasted like it was fresh from the hearth, fresh from the sea.

I feel shocked. "You that sent to me?"

"Yes. I didn't get a fair price for the pearls though."

"Thank you," I say sincerely.

"You looked hungry."

"I was." At that point, I'd been cut off from everyone else and there were no fish to be caught. "The bread was thoughtful, as was the medicine."

"_Everyone_ was talking about you at school."

I study her and for whatever reason, I want to be closer to her, but am thankful that she's still holding my hand. "Did _you_ talk about me?" I don't know why I ask it. I guess I hope that _did_ talk about me. I want to be important to her for some reason.

Annie moves away and kneels down next to the night-blooming Jasmine. My hand feels funny once she let go. "No one talks to me, Finnick."

"_I'm_ talking to you, Annie."

Either what I say makes her laugh or the flower does, but then she's serious. "I've never killed anything in my life. I doubt I'll make it very far in the Games. I won't be able to kill, but maybe I can hide."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Two by two the rest of the district tributes arrive, their mentors in tow. District 12 is the last to arrive as always. I tend not to look at any of them. I see them, but I can't define their faces. I'm nineteen now and I can call them kids without hesitation because I am no longer one of them. I wouldn't be part of the reaping anymore even if I'd never been to the Games.

This year is even worse, because I feel as though to look at any of them as anything more than an opponent would ruin my chances of getting my tributes out alive. Well, _tribute_. I couldn't care less about Samuelson. He's arrogant and rude. While he stands a fighting chance at winning, he'd have no problem dispatching Annie, and I hate him for it in spite of myself.

It is clear to everyone on our team how little she means to him. No one expects tributes from the same districts to be the best of friends, but it's customary to at least be civil. He is outright hostile.

Meanwhile, she couldn't be lovelier to him if she tried. She answers every question he asks, even the blatantly rude questions meant to put her down. She doesn't seem to care. She asks him questions in return, not to whittle out his weaknesses to use against him, but to find out who he is as a person because she genuinely cares.

I haven't seen either of them for hours. Their stylists and prep teams have had them holed up for so long. I know what it is that goes on in there, but I can't see how it takes them this long to polish Annie. She's perfect already.

I don't see either of them until they're being loaded onto the chariot. They have them clad in next to nothing. Just a few well-placed scraps of seaweed covering their most intimate parts.

District 4 tributes are almost always pleasing to look at. The Capitol wants them seen as beautiful and desirable from the start. If either of them wins, I know that they will be forced to provide services just like me.

Annie looks absolutely stunning, and as much as I hate that her bare flesh is exposed for everyone, I can't help but hope that it will garner her some sponsors. I figure that I did so well in that area because most of them knew that I would become something they could rent for a while afterwards. The more they spent on me in the arena, the more accessible to them I would be outside of the arena when the Games were over.

I don't think about any of this. I can't think about what it will be like for her if Annie makes it out. It's too soon and at times, that fate seems worse than death.

There was no one waiting for me that first night, but there is someone in my room after the Opening Ceremonies and the recap on television. The sight of her makes me feel ill. Annie is but a few rooms down. Why this should matter so much I don't know.

Instead, I do my duty to the Capitol, my duty to my family back home. I give the woman and the Capitol what they want and in return, I guarantee the safety of the family I never see.

The days prior to the start of the Games fly by and I have very few chances to speak to Annie like that night up on the roof. She receives only a four in training; her score gives Samuelson much fodder for cruel jokes, but there have been Games that have been won by tributes who were only rated a three.

I can't help but hope that Samuelson dies early. I don't feel guilty. Tributes die and apart from five years ago, they don't die at my hand. I give him all the same advice I would give any tribute I mentor, but I have little care for him. The sooner he dies, the sooner Mags and I can concentrate solely on Annie.

I don't know what to make of my preoccupation with her.

Her interview goes well. I can tell that Mags has helped her quite a bit and she seems so eager to do well. Her stylist puts her in a green dress that make her eyes seem other-worldly and Annie's laugh is infectious.

Flickerman asks her about home, about what she misses and she replies, "The sea and the bread and birds and the people."

I wonder if she truly does miss the people. Does she miss those who teased and taunted her for so long? There is no way she can miss Peacekeeper Bounty, who has taken too much from her. While she never came out and said the exact words, there was no mistaking that he misused his authority and at the very least took advantage of an already frightened and confused girl.

Whether or not Annabelle comes out of the arena alive, I will do something about Bounty.

Flickerman asks her about some of the best things in the Capitol and it takes her a moment to respond. "I haven't seen much of it, but the people are lovely and very kind to me." The audience eats stuff like that up, especially since she says it so sincerely.

"Well, good luck to you, Miss Annabelle Cresta!"

She smiles widely. "I feel lucky," she says.

Even though he was trying to break the conversation off, Caesar is drawn in and _has_ to ask. "Why is that?"

"I have wonderful mentors. Mags is so very, very kind and Finnick is such a decent man."

Flickerman makes a joke about her being so very lucky indeed to be able to spend so much time with me when half of Panem can only fantasize about it. I pay him no attention as he says it and then dismisses her. I think about her words to describe me.

_Decent man_.

I_ want_ to be decent for her. I won't beat her for letting crabs go free. I won't punish her for things she hasn't done. I won't take from her the way Bounty has.

I don't know why I'm thinking like this. She deserves so much, but will likely never get it. The arena awaits and twenty-three tributes will be looking to kill her to ensure their survival.

After the interviews, Mags and I have to attend a party filled with potential sponsors. I have a woman on my arm who smiles like the lizards that hop from rock to rock back home. She is eager to get me alone with her. She plays to the cameras and wants to be seen sneaking off with me.

I have sex with her out on a balcony. I tried to position us for modesty's sake behind a tall manicured shrubbery, but she makes us move out into the open. During the whole thing she asks if I think the cameras can get a good shot of us.

I feel disgusting by the time I hit my shower, but at least she wasn't in my room.

I find Annie on the roof. "You should be sleeping."

"Why?"

Sitting down next to her, I take a deep breath in and it's like inhaling the sea air. It makes me miss home even more. "It's a big day tomorrow."

"I doubt I need to be well-rested to greet the day I die."

Her frankness and clarity take me by surprise.

I move my hand and thread my fingers through her hair. It's a familiar motion, but I've never done this with her. I've never touched her hair. It's like fine silk. "Don't talk like that."

"Why? We both know I can't win, Finnick."

I hate this.

"Tell me about something."

A smile forms on her face and her eyes lock with mine. "About what?"

"Tell me about your mother."

"She swam in the water like birds swim through the air. She would tell me stories about mermaids and seagulls and sandpipers. She said there was an island not too far away where people sailed to when things got too bad. On the island there was always enough to eat and no one told the people what to do all day. She said she didn't know where it was, but if she ever left, that I could find her there."

The people of District 4 always used some fantastical island as a way to keep their hopes up. Every time my father went out on the water in his boat, he would say something like "To the island," even though the Peacekeepers were always very strict about where he could fish. We never saw any islands.

"What happened to her?"

For a long minute she sits there, pressing her head into my hand and I feel as though I could swoop her up, carry her back to my room, and soothe her to sleep as I run my hands through her hair.

"We were all on the boat." Annie wears a smile that somehow I know doesn't fit the horror of the coming story. If her mother was killed in a boating or fishing accident, I knew it wouldn't be pretty. I'd witnessed enough of them.

"She got tangled in the nets and hooks. All of the things on the inside spilled out."

I can't help but wince, imagining how horrible it would have been to see my own mother's innards spilt on the deck of the fishing boat. The crew wouldn't have been able to do much more than carry on. The Peacekeepers on the boats were never kind. They probably swept the remains out to sea or used it as bait.

The thought repulses me.

"I'm sorry, Annie."

"My father said I was no longer welcome on the boat. I was a distraction."

Although I want to speak, to alleviate the guilt I heard in her voice, I hold my tongue because I fear I will frighten her. I imagine her father blames her, but accidents on boats happen all the time and while children were almost always present, very few were caused by them.

"I didn't kill the birds, Finnick."

Everything always comes down to the birds with her. It worries me that whenever she feels scared or nervous, she mentions not killing those damned birds.

"You need some sleep."

She laughs and my heart warms. I imagine hearing that laugh back home in my house. I imagine hearing it every day. It must mean I'm lonely and tired of being empty because I barely know this girl.

It pains me to lead her out of the garden and back down the stairwell. We pass my room and I have such a strong urge to pull her inside with me.

But she needs some sleep.

Standing outside the doorway to her room, she rises up on her toes and places a kiss on my cheek. "In case I don't see you again."

I want to grab her and run. There is nowhere to go, but I want to run anyway. I want to save her from the fate of the arena, but I can only take her hands and say, "I'll see you early tomorrow. We'll eat breakfast together."

She squeezes my hands. "But if we don't," she says, giving me a smile. "Thank you for being kind."

Annie gives my other cheek a quick kiss and she disappears into her room.

I miss her already.

…


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I take Annie to the side before either of us can eat the morning of the Games. I firmly grab her shoulders and speak to her in a grave voice. She needs to understand everything I am saying to her. "Annie, this is very important, all right?"

Her smile is distracting, but I continue. "When you get into the arena, you run and hide, okay? Run away like you're running from the kids at home and then hide. Don't come out for anyone. Not even Samuelson," I say, wanting to be specific just in case she was under some delusion that he would look out for her.

"But he's…"

"He's not your friend. Mags and I will send parachutes for you when we can."

Her eyes trail over to Samuelson. She is losing focus, so I squeeze her gently. "Annie, it's important. _Hide_. Don't trust anyone, just hide."

"Okay." Again, she smiles at me and then her finger is gliding over my cheekbone. "But I trust _you, _Finnick."

My eyes close. I love when she says my name. When I open them, her smile has widened and she's looking at me with curious eyes.

"You can trust me. I won't hurt you, but the people inside the arena will. Hide and come back to me the winner, okay?"

Her smile never falters. "But I can't kill anyone, Finnick. Bounty sent me here so that _I_ could die."

"Please just do what I say. Run and hide, okay?" I beg again.

"Okay."

"I'll figure something out. All you have to do is outlast everyone else. Do you understand?"

"Yes." Again, she touches my hand with just the tip of her index finger. "Will you watch me?"

"I won't take my eyes off you."

Breakfast is painful as I try to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest. Before he's whisked away by his prep team, Samuelson makes a comment aimed directly at me. It's meant to point out that while I'm his mentor, I spend more time with the weak girl who'll be gutted before gong stops reverberating.

I would like to kill him, but since it's not permitted, I hope that someone else does it for me in the arena. If he turns out to be the victor, I'll never get rid of him, and his arrogance is already old and grating.

I feel more invested in these Games than I did five years ago at my own. I am constantly on edge. My time in the control room is difficult. Mags and I have twenty monitors to examine. Four of them show our tributes, each of them seen from two different angles. The rest are on the other tributes. There's no real way to communicate with our tributes, so everything we see of the others only serves to help us plan our gifts.

Mags and I take turns in the room, with a few hours overlap each day. Sometimes I'm late, but only because the people I'm with are needy and don't understand that two lives hang in the balance. Instead of a quick five minute shower I would take if I was alone, I'm forced to take an hour long shower while making whoever I'm with feel like the only person on the planet.

I get tired of the act, but I know the consequences, so I do what I'm supposed to do. I do it well and I leave them satisfied; all of them leave my company thinking that I love them more than anyone else.

But I don't.

I'm always anxious to get back to the control room.

Annie is excellent at hiding. She left the Cornucopia with nothing but an empty vessel for water. She found a stream quickly and then hid herself in a thicket of thorn bushes. I can barely make her out. The cameras can _just_ keep her in focus. A thorn cut her forehead, but otherwise she seems fine.

She stays in that bush sipping her water for more than three days.

Samuelson is doing fantastically, just as I expected he would at the start. He's already killed five of the weaker tributes, and he dispatches both strong tributes from District 2. He had a few allies left, but I knew it would only be a matter of time before he went after the rest of the Career pack.

He will need to do it soon. The others are already plotting against him. The tributes from 1 and a few of the other stronger players are devising a plan to get him out of the way. I send him enough gifts to keep him going, but focus most of my attention on Annie. So far we haven't sent her anything.

Sponsors are lined up to send gifts to Samuelson, but only a few want to sponsor Annie. Most of them are men and I suspect they only want her to win because they want a shot at renting her from Snow. Mags and I are holding back the gifts until she needs them.

She hasn't eaten anything except for a few leafy greens in three days, but she is very well-hydrated. She ventures out only to refill her water and pluck a few leaves from edible plants.

On the fifth day of the Games, I am tired from the late nights and early mornings. I barely sleep. because when I'm not entertaining the rich residents of the Capitol, I'm in the control room, watching her. It doesn't matter if she's so well-concealed the other tributes walk right past her. My concern for her balloons until it's all-encompassing. It feels crucial for her to make it out alive. As the tributes die at one another's hands or at the Game-makers', I become increasingly obsessed with the idea of her becoming the victor.

Now that the playing field is a bit more level, nearly two-thirds of the tributes dead, I contemplate how best to help Annie. She's done a terrific job of doing exactly what I've told her to do, but since she's adamant that she won't be able to kill (and I whole-heartedly believe her), I need a plan to get her even further in the Games.

But it isn't until she ventures out to refill her water and is driven away from the thicket by the sound of approaching tributes that a plan really begins to formulate. She can't get back, so she has steals herself away between two boulders. She has made herself so small. I hope no one can see her.

When the others draw near, I am relieved that she is so well-hidden. Somehow the camera picks up every one of her expressions, which makes the next half-hour nearly unbearable.

The Gamemakers have driven the other five tributes towards her, as if they want her to be found.

Annie's position is disconcerting, but it is her fragile grip on sanity that pushes me to the limits. I watch, along with the rest of Panem. Her face clearly shows her horror and her fear as the other tributes turn on Samuelson, who has proven himself a formidable opponent. They are particularly brutal.

They gut him, and before it's all said and done, the boy from my district is headless.

It is wretched and horrid and it is everything the Capitol wants.

All I can do is watch as Annie's mental status slides down into darkness. I hope and pray that she can remain still and silent until the others leave and then run fast and hide quickly as the hovercraft takes the body.

I am riveted and cannot look away.

She fidgets and shifts, stifles a sob and pulls at her hair and covers her ears, but finally the other tributes retreat. She climbs out of hiding and stares at the boy's decimated remains. I can tell that the thin thread of sanity she once held is nearly snapped.

Her head swings around as a twig breaks behind her. It is the girl from 1 and Annie only has a second to duck out of the way. The girl launches a knife straight at Annie's heart, but instead it lodges in Annie's upper arm.

I will her to run, to run fast, to hide. She does just that. She runs through the stream, over sharp rocks and then shimmies up a tree where she cradles herself in a nook of the branches. I watch her pull the knife from her arm and nearly pass out. She raises her arm above her head and presses it with fat leaves.

As a mentor, I am barred from contributing money for gifts, but I discuss the sponsors' meager offerings with Mags. We have enough for some home remedies, but that's it. And that's not good enough. I leave the control room and make calls. For nearly nine hours, I am holed up with one person or another, exchanging my body for their support of Annie. She needs food and has lost her bottle of water. She needs medicine before an infection can take hold.

She needs a weapon so that she can defend herself when they inevitably begin to hunt her. It isn't right to put someone like her in the Games. She is even more helpless than the others.

When I have enough, I return to the control room. I don't look at Mags as I send Annie the green loaf of bread just like the one she sent me. With the money I've just gathered, I send her medicine from the Capitol that will heal the deep wound, which was worth any price.

For another three days she sits up in the tree, sipping the water we've sent and nibbling the loaf of bread. Her arm is healed. I can see and hear that the other tributes are looking for her. They grow close.

I can sit by and watch no longer. I need to get her out. She won't be able to kill anyone, even if they are trying to kill her. It's not her nature.

I tell Mags I am taking a break, knowing that she'll have a deeper understanding of why I need one. As I leave, she tells me, "I'll take care of her."

I walk purposefully to Aelius Hollow's personal control room. He is the Head Gamemaker and he has wanted something from me for a very long time. Because I find the man utterly repulsive I've never even considered him or his request.

While there are always mandatory arrangements with people of importance, there are still others I could grant or deny. Despite how much I dislike Aelius, Annie is worth it.

I _need_ her to survive the Games and right now; I don't see how that will happen unless something is done to facilitate it.

The earthquake hits as I'm returning to our control room. I stand next to Mags and watch as the arena floods.

…


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Annie is by far the best swimmer among the remaining tributes, and it only takes two hours for Templesmith to announce her victory. My body may be dirty from what I had to do, but my mind and soul are alight with the very small thing I sacrificed so Annie could live.

I put Hollow out of my mind. I have done far worse for far less, and of everything I've done in the five years since my reaping, I don't feel guilty about this.

Mentors aren't allowed on the retrieval hovercraft and this drives me nearly insane. I want to check on Annie. Well, not _insane_. I recognize the difference between intense worry and insanity when I finally do get to see Annie in person for the first time in nearly four weeks.

It's true that television makes people look different and I'm caught by surprise as she lay in the recovery room, her wrists restrained and tethered to the bed. I realize that the thin girl I met at the reaping now weighs next to nothing.

With her knot tying abilities, she should've been able to fashion _some_ kind of snare, or at least nets for fishing. The other tributes had their pick of wild game for food. Throughout the Games, Annie spoke to the animals instead of making them her dinner. She clicked at squirrels and whistled at birds.

The doctors are explaining her condition to Mags, but I don't pay attention. I can already tell by the restraining cuffs and the tiny jerks of her body that something has broken.

Not bones, not flesh, but something within her mind. She has always been on the cusp anyway, but now I fear she's left the girl who runs and hides from cruel children far behind.

She sleeps for twenty-four hours straight and I am the first things she sees when she wakes up screaming. There are women who have requested my company and I know that I am falling behind on my quota for the Games. I know that if I miss the mark, someone I love back home will die, but I also know that I cannot leave Annie right now.

I think of my mother and how weak and frail she had become the last time I looked in on her. I think of my father who lost his arm ten years ago, but still manages to bring in quite a haul with the help of my brother. I feel like a horrible son for not physically helping my family, but there is no way I can able to look my father in the eyes now. But I can still help Annie.

Annie's screams quiet when I take her hand. Her eyes glaze as she focuses on something far away.

"Annie."

She doesn't respond to my low voice, so I try again. "Annie."

It will be bad if she's unable to go to the recap and interview. Everyone likes a good show and how would the residents of the Capitol react knowing that the Games broke a poor girl like Annabelle Cresta?

Snow would probably kill her first and explain that they were unable to save her from whatever fabricated injury or illness they gave her.

"Annie."

"The birds won't fly."

I squeeze her hand. "There are no birds."

"I didn't kill them!"

"I know," I whisper soothingly. I don't know why I feel the way I do about her. I don't understand why I should care so much about just another tribute. I gave my body to save her and I am trying to bring her back from the slippery edge of insanity now. I feel bad for my indifference toward her when she was just the mad girl the kids made fun of. I could have made a difference in her life back then, but I didn't.

We are silent as I try to figure out how I can help her.

Finally, I tell her, "The Games are over. You won."

She shakes her head and then cocks it to the side and lets out a low hum.

I remove the cuffs because I can see her struggling to use her arms. She immediately covers her ears. I sit on the bed and take her wrists, pulling them to me and pressing her hands to my chest.

"Annie, it's over. You just have to get through a few more days of talking and that's it. We'll go home."

Her eyes are still unfocused, even if they are pointed right at me. "I didn't kill them, Finnick."

I smile at the sound of my name. "I know, but you still won."

Mags takes my place by Annie's side. She reminds me gently that there are things I need to attend to. I have a quota to meet and my patrons, while generally kind and willing to wait for my affection, have some exceptions among them. Some will not wait patiently, and Snow will be waiting for me to mess up.

When I get back to my room, I am at first confused. Am I for the old one or the young one? Am I expected to be for both? At the same time?

I have been with multiple people at the same time, logistically it takes more consideration, but this pairing seems odd. One is a little too old and the other a little too young.

As I'm still trying to figure it all out, the old lady pulls me aside. She pushes sparkling rocks into my hand. "I had such a good time with you a few years ago. I want her to experience it. It's her first time so make it special and there'll be more." She taps on my hand that now holds the jewels.

"Have fun, darling," she says to the fidgeting girl before opening the door.

"Bye, Grandma."

As the door closes, I feel sick. I make it "special" for her. I make plans to sell the jewels and give the money to the school near the beach, so the children can sit in desks instead of on the roach-laden floor.

Annie must put on the show just like all the other victors. She sits on stage, her eyes panicked as she's forced to relive the Games. There were obviously things she never witnessed from her hiding spot in the thicket. Each death seems to wound her. It's as though she's there, seeing it actually happen. Tears stream down her face; she makes odd noises and holds her head in her hands.

I can see on the monitors that the editors aren't showing most of these reactions to the rest of Panem. I wonder why they must show these images to her at all, considering. A stylist freshens up her make-up and whispers something in her ear. It makes Annie smile again and the cameras are back on her. Her eyes find mine and she doesn't watch as they replay Samuelson's beheading.

Finally, it is over and we're allowed one more night to prep for her interview. There is nothing Mags or I can say or do that will really help her with Flickerman. He is always kind enough to lead the tributes through, helping them look and act their best, but I fear that Annie will be too much for him.

My stomach churns. I just barely put forth any effort to satisfy the patron that's clawing at my back.

When she's finally up on stage for the final time before going home, I sit tensely as I watch her body move constantly. If it wasn't her hands curling and relaxing, it was her feet bobbing or her legs bouncing. Her eyes move all over, seeming to take in everything, but not really focusing on anything at all.

Flickerman asks her a simple question about how it feels to be victor of the 70th Hunger Games and Annie seems frozen for a moment. Then she says, "It feels like when my toes touch the wet sand after a storm."

"That sounds…pleasant?"

"Oh yes. It's packed down hard, but still gives way ever so gently as you walk. And the waves lap at your feet and you see the seashells. Some have things living in them and some are empty, some burrowing down into the sand and others waiting to picked up and treasured."

"So, Annie," he begins, clearly trying to steer her to a more linear answer to a question. "What was the single best thing that happened to you during the Games?"

"The flood."

"Because you are such a tremendous swimmer?"

She nods. "Because I didn't have to wait anymore for the others to kill me."

At some point during the interview, her hands cover her ears and she goes away from reality for a bit. Flickerman has no idea what to say or do, so he just sits there with her. Finally, her eyes unglaze and she finds mine again. A slow smile spreads and Annie is back.

"So, Annabelle Cresta, what is next for the new victor of District 4?"

"I don't know, what_ is_ next?" It is as if she's asking Mags or me and I will her to find a simple answer for herself, but she just sits there.

She laughs quietly as Caesar bids her a good night.

She is swept off the stage and we sprint backstage to find her.

…


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Once Annie is settled in for the night, having eaten and watched the interview for herself, I am granted a private audience with Snow. He is vile and represents everything I hate, but there is one last order of business I need to attend to before making the journey home.

I can't even look at his snake-like face, and as I sit across from him, I can barely breathe through the stench of blood and roses.

"Please don't make Annie what I am."

A disgusting smile forms on his face and hate him with everything I am.

"You just barely hit your numbers this time, Finnick."

"But I did."

"Yes and every one of your - what do you call them - _patrons_ seem overwhelmingly satisfied. It's a very good job you do. Perhaps it is a trait of District 4, so tell me why I would withhold something as lovely as young Annabelle from people who want her?"

He always has a way of making me feel sick to my stomach. Each time I think that I can handle him and the evil he brings, I find that I am doubled over not only in revulsion and fear, but also with the piercing pain his words bring. President Snow has the ability to bring great things to people, but I've only experienced the opposite.

"She's not right in the head. She's not all there. She never has been. In the district, the kids used to…"

"Tell me, Finnick," he cuts me off. "Do your Capitol _friends_ care about _your_ intelligence? Are they at all interested in your mental abilities or do they seem to only care about your…pronounced physical attributes?"

I don't answer because it is obvious. "Please don't make her what I am," I ask again. "She won't survive long like that and you can't…"

"Yes. She's a sad one, isn't she? But what will I get in return for it? What will make me care enough to keep her out of the hands of those who want her most?"

"The Victory Tour is coming up. I could…" It repulses me to even think it, but I can't think of any other thing to barter with. "I could meet with more people. I could…"

"Well, you just barely met with enough people this time, what makes you think you'll be able to satisfy even more?"

He's right. I know he's right. I think of even more patrons and even more nights and days spent in their service and I don't know how I'll do it, but I have to try. "I can do it. She can't. Please don't make her."

"Hmmm. Would you offer this if the other tribute had made it?"

He is talking about Samuelson and the answer is no. "The other tribute wasn't so…"

"Vulnerable. You have a weakness for this one because you think she can't take care of herself." He leans back in chair and threads his fingers together. "It was peculiar that the earthquake conveniently triggered a flood."

I ignore the little jab. I know he knows what I gave for her. "I don't think she can handle it."

"But you can?"

"Yes."

"Then you will be very busy on the Victory Tour, won't you?"

I've never been so happy to be on the train headed home before. It seems like the farther away we got from the Capitol, the easier I could breathe. Annie is spending more time with me and I am thankful for every second of it. There are little moments when she just falls away from the reality that Mags and I know and is submerged into her own little piece of it. Sometimes she murmurs about the sea and about those damned birds. She laughs in strange places, but she can keep up with conversation easily enough.

Perhaps she isn't as damaged as either of us feared right after the Games.

"What will happen now, Finnick?" she asks me as we watch the landscape fly by the window.

I love how she says my name.

"You'll have a house in the Victor's Village."

"Will you come by?" Her voice is hopeful.

I smile. "Your house is right next to mine, so we'll see a lot of each other."

She brightens at this and settles back into the couch, her head resting back against my outstretched arm. But as if she's remembered something incredibly important, she bolts up and looks at me with panic in her eyes.

"What is it?"

"What about Head Peacekeeper B…"

I take her face in my hands. "You're a very high profile person now. He won't bother you. And if he does, I'll kill him myself."

Her eyes grow wide. "Oh, no, Finnick, you mustn't even talk like that! He'll…"

"Then I'll find a way to get him removed and replaced. He won't hurt you again, Annie, I promise." I hate even thinking about it. She's never actually said the words, but I know enough to know what he's done and I also know that I will tear the limbs and appendages from his body if he even looks at her wrong.

"Will my house overlook the sea?"

I am thankful that she changes the subject. "Yes. We have our own beach."

She smiles at this and my heart warms. "I'm happiest near the water."

"Me too."

"Will I have a boat?"

"Boats come with assigned Peacekeepers. Do you want one so close?"

"No."

"Then no boat."

"I can swim though?"

"Yes. We'll go swimming every day." I've inserted myself into her daily plans so easily. If she notices and cares, she says nothing. "You can be a fish if you want to be and never come out of the sea."

"Are you a fish?"

"Yes," I answer with a smile.

"Then I am too."

…


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

We step off of the train to the sounds of thunderous applause. District 4 is known for its extravagant celebration of victors. Annie falters a little, stepping back as though she could re-renter the train and hide.

My hand very naturally moves to the small of her back and curls around her waist, holding her steady and close to me. This is the right thing to do because I can feel her straighten, her shoulders rolling back and her feet taking her slowly toward the fence that keeps us safe from the cheering crowd.

She beams. "They like me now!"

I want to tell her that they have to like her now that she's their champion, but I say nothing. I just smile back at her, happy at her happiness.

We make the normal rounds, standing on a stage while everyone hails Annie and her mentors. We go to the Mayor's house for a dinner and then finally, after everyone is tired and in need of some silence, we're allowed to go back to the Victor's Village. Annie and I walk Mags to her door where she kisses me on the cheek and squeezes Annie's hands and then I show Annie her new home.

It has been cleaned and readied for her use. She spends nearly a half-hour on the porch, murmuring how much she loves it. When we enter the main drawing room, she twirls around, her arms outstretched, looking more beautiful than ever. There is not even a hint of trouble in her expression. "My house is beautiful!"

Just like her. "Yes. Now we'll have to buy beautiful things to fill it."

"You can stay in it," she said, her voice light like the breeze from the Gulf. "Then there will always be something beautiful here."

Before I can remark on her comment, she swirls away, dancing into every room on the first floor. When we go out back and she sees just how close she is to the water, she lets out a sound of delight and then runs straight at the water. She splashes around in the surf for a moment before diving under in her dress. I sit and watch, still very thankful that I was able to secure her life. I want to go into the water as well, but I am enjoying just watching her play. There will be other days to play in the water with her.

The thought of it is exciting.

The light is waning when she emerges, her dress hugging her body, accentuating her breasts and hips. It clings to her as she sits down next to me. "Why aren't you a fish with me?"

"I'll be a fish tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!"

"Yes, we can be fish tomorrow, it's late."

Her feet dig into the sand. "What will we do the day after tomorrow?"

"Anything you want."

Her hand runs down my arm, but she's not looking at me, she's looking at the setting sun. "Can we spend every day together?"

It's as if all of the emptiness I've felt for years has disappeared. I feel so full of emotion at her words. It hits me that Annie will live next to me for the rest of our days. We can spend time in the water, we can walk along the beach, we can share meals and visit friends, comfort each other's nightmare; we can intertwine our lives to create one together.

Although my thoughts lull me into happiness, it is only because I ignore the underlying sinister thoughts that my life is not my own. I will have more arranged meetings now that I have asked for her safety. I know that I bear the weight of her survival now along with my family. I know it is only my successful trysts that protect her, but they can also harm her. Not only will Snow hurt her if I make any mistakes, but if she finds out about them, I fear the wounds will be deep.

She isn't mine and she hasn't claimed me as her own either, but I know that something has grown between us. It will continue to grow.

Creating a life together, having a marriage, making life in the form of babies won't ever be our fate. Snow controls me and I cannot do that. Babies grow into children. Children are reaped for the entertainment of the Capitol. Even though I know I can raise a string of Hunger Games victors, I will not subject them to the servitude I endure.

I cannot. I will not do that to children. I won't do it to Annie either.

The next few weeks we settle into a routine. Annie and I take a morning walk, followed by a swim, just long enough to work up an appetite. She makes us breakfast at her house. It's easy to see how much she enjoying setting the plate down in front of me. She likes to feed me. Every several days, she bakes a loaf of the green seaweed bread and smiles at me. It is a knowing smile that I return because it's a special bond between us. The green bread we each sent each other in the Games.

After breakfast I fish. Sometimes Mags joins me. Annie runs around on the beach, dipping back into the water, gathering sea vegetables, shimmying up smooth tree trunks to grab fresh coconuts. Every time we get a substantial amount of shellfish or fish, Annie finds some way to knock over the woven bowl that sits along the shoreline, freeing everything we've just caught.

Mags is always very kind about it. She knows that we don't need to fish for food anymore, but there are times when it aggravates me. Spending three hours fishing and finding the holding basket empty and knowing that it is only empty because someone intentionally sabotaged it frustrates me.

But I am not a person who is quickly moved to anger. All it takes is the memory of being told how she'd been beaten black-and-blue for releasing her father's haul of crabs and I forgive her.

Mags is right. I don't fish because I need to anymore. I fish because it's soothing and it reminds me of the short childhood I had long ago.

It's different for Annie. Fishing reminds her of her mother's horrible death and the idea of killing living creatures sets her off. Even the mention that I would like to have fish or fowl for dinner sends her into a state where the only thing she can say is that she didn't kill the birds.

Mags and I still eat fresh seafood we buy at the market. Annie won't cook it, just as she won't eat it, but I still manage to have it at least once a day.

The Victory Tour is quickly approaching. We don't talk about it. Mags knows what I have on the line and what that will mean for me on the tour. Annie dislikes talking about leaving her new home on the beach.

I dislike talk about any of it. I try not to think about it, so instead I do everything I can to spend more time with her, giving her things that make her smile.

I am thankful everyday for every moment I have with her. Along with Mags, she becomes my only true family.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Finnick says you're not welcome here," I hear her panicked voice as I approach the door of her house. We were supposed to meet in the garden that begins the path to town, but she was late. Annie is never late for anything.

"I didn't kill the birds!"

My heart races and I throw open the door.

I hate the scene that's before me and I rush to grab Bounty off of her. It doesn't matter that he's bigger than me; I pull him away from her and slam him face first on the ground. With my knee on his back and my hand buried in his hair, I pull his head back and then slam it down hard and fast. I repeat the movement over and over again.

It takes me a moment before I realize that Bounty isn't even putting up a fight. When the rage that has clouded my vision subsides, I recognize the red I see is his blood flowing from his lifeless body.

I look to Annie, but she won't look back at me. She's huddled on the floor, her knees pressed to her chest, looking at the wall and crying about the birds. My mind is still all over the place and I feel poised to kill something else. It doesn't matter what, I just want to kill something. I feel like I did back in the arena. The adrenaline pumps through my body and I wish there is something else to smash without frightening her more.

I don't feel safe enough to touch her. I can't even speak to her, so I leave her on the floor while she weeps about dead birds and mermaids. Instead, I use her telephone to call Archibold. The phones aren't secure, but I know he's my first contact. He will make a plea for me directly to the Head Peacekeeper in the Capitol. He'll make my case before President Snow, who has promised Annie's complete safety.

I detail the scene I walked in on, and tell him some of the things that I didn't see but know to be true nonetheless. He asks me to bring her to the phone and turn on the camera function. I set the receiver down and move back to her. I feel calmer now, knowing that I've done something about her torment, but when I crouch down to scoop her up, she presses against the wall, away from me.

"You've killed the birds."

"No. _He_ killed the birds." I still don't know what the birds are, but it doesn't matter. While I don't want to do anything she doesn't want me to do, it's essential that I pick her up and take her into the other room. Archibold needs to see.

I take her very gently into my arms and try not to notice the quaking of her body. Archibold sees her and I tell him what I need. When the call is ended, I keep her in my arms and take her out back, walking directly into the warm saltwater. She clutches at me as I'm sure the water stings her cuts and scratches.

When we are up to our shoulders, I just stand there with her. Finally, her body relaxes and she rests her head against me. She twists in the water until her legs and arms are wrapped around me. Slowly, I inch our way back up to the swallows where I sit down and let the soft waves move over us.

It is after dinnertime when I finally bring us out of the water and back into her house. I leave wet footprints as I head for her stairs. The body in the drawing room is gone, but there is no one else in its place. I don't know what I expected. Snow had given his word about her safety, specifically stating that the Head Peacekeeper of District 4 would not bother her.

But Snow isn't always a man of his word.

In the days that followed, no one visits the house, Annie doesn't speak, and I don't leave her side. I grow worried for her as she skips meals to sit in her bed, looking out the window at the surf. I suggest going out into the water, and without looking at me, she shakes her head.

The evening before we leave for her Victory Tour, she finally speaks. Of course, it isn't until I scoop her out of bed and carrying down to the water. We sit in the shallows again, the big waves of a windy day washing over us. Some knock her onto her back, but she rights herself quickly. The fifth time this happens, she moves over, sits between my legs and brings my arms around her.

"I can't kill anything, Finnick. Thank you for killing him for me."

Annie's Victory Tour is different than any of the others I've seen on television or my own. We travel to District 12 first and then to 11 and so on the way each tour is conducted, but she is not expected to make a speech. In fact, we are told that she _isn't_ to say anything more than how lovely the districts are and how grateful she is for their support. Archibold says the rest. At the dinners, she's instructed to remain quiet and must remain at either my or Mags' side at all times, unless it's to dance with a dignitary.

Mostly, she's at mine except for when I must tear myself away from her and meet a patron. The arrangements usually take place in the Mayor's house and it is usually the Mayor or the mayor's partner who are revealed to be my duty for evening. I go through it all emotionally empty. I don't think of anything.

Each night when we board the train, eat a late night snack of rich peanut butter and sweet apples, and then retire to our rooms. Well, Mags retires to hers, Archibold to his, and Annie and I spend our nights in mine. There are nights when she wants to be held, and nights that I need to be held and then, about every third night, one or the other of us shies away.

As we visit the districts almost in order of importance to the Capitol, my arranged meetings increase and there are nights when I am with three people instead of one. At times there are three people at once, other times, it's back-to-back, or more rarely sprinkled throughout my day. I do not look forward to our time in the Capitol.

When we _do_ get there, we are at party after party and the three patrons a day turn into five. The Capitol only photographs me with one a day though; otherwise people might get an ill-feeling about wanting me. They feel so bad for me that they open up their pocketbooks and give me so much that I feel laden-down. I don't want _things_ and I don't need money.

I do, however, want Annie more than ever.

After the first night there, she is so very tired. I return to her room, as I had used mine to meet a patron, late and find her lying on the bed in only her underclothes. Her body is beautiful, but I can hardly stand to look at it because I feel so incredibly soiled from the things I've done.

"Finnick! You left the party early."

She's looking at me now, so I don't use my voice, I just nod.

"I missed you."

I nod again. "I missed you too." I move into the shower and spend the better part of an hour getting as clean as I can. I think about Annie. I think about how I want to show her how important she is to me. I want to hold her and to feel her body next to mine. I know that this will be a night where she holds me, but I want more.

It isn't sexual contact that I seek because I have too much of that in my life. I want to be emotionally bare with her. Just being in her presence is healing to me. I don't know when this happens, but as I step out of the shower, I realize that I _need_ Annie much more than I need anything else.

I want to give her my heart.

I rejoin her, feeling better about everything. Because I wanted to do something nice for her, I brought oil to the bed. Her eyes are bright as she watches me but she doesn't say anything.

I rub apricot oil on her skin, starting with her toes. This is something I found that women truly appreciate.

Nimble fingers, that's what they say I have.

Annie isn't moaning with exaggerated pleasure like the fake women do, though. She's not naked, but I can tell that she is still shy about my fingers rubbing the skin of her ankles. She watches me intently, but looks away when I look up at her.

When I am at her thighs, my fingers just brushing the edges of her underwear, she finally looks at me. I already know what she's going to say, so I speak first. "I know you didn't kill those birds. You don't kill, Annie."

This pleases her and she smiles. I skip over the sections that a part of me wants to touch and begin to rub the oil into the skin of her flat stomach. Even though my life is filled with sex, I know that sex with Annie will be different. It will be…_love_.

When I reach the outsides, she giggles. "Finnick! That tickles!"

I like the sound, so I do it again this time she sits up as she laughs, bringing her face so very close to mine. I can feel her breath upon my lips. I can't help but lick them as if I might get a hint of Annie's flavor.

I feel like it's an excellent time to kiss her. It feels like she wants me to and it will be the first pure kiss I've had since turning sixteen.

I move closer but before my lips can brush hers, she pulls back. Her eyes are fixed on me, but she's not _looking _at me. Her head cocks to the side, her fingers slowly move in an irregular way before she uses her hands to cover her ears.

I move away and she comes back to reality quickly. She's not smiling though, she's biting her lip. Annie opens her mouth to say something, then shakes her head.

"I'm sorry." I didn't mean to make her uncomfortable.

"When the sea birds chirp, I feel better."

I say nothing, but pour more oil into my hands and begin to rub it on her shoulders and then down her arms.

When the sea birds chirp, she feels better. I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean exactly, but I take it that maybe at home, she'll let me kiss her, but not here in the Capitol.

Maybe I understand completely.

…


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The second day in the Capitol wears me down even more. I barely see Annie all day. Mags has her and the Capitol patrons have me. By the last one, I'm barely able to do anything more than lie there, but it doesn't seem like she minds.

After, she feels the need to lie on my chest as she daydreams about what it must be like to lead such an exotic life such as I do. She tells me all about her mundane life in the Capitol and then goes on to talk rumors about other people. These are people whose names I recognize. I've either met them or slept with them. I cautiously question her, which serves a dual purpose. First, it makes her think I'm much more interested in her life than I am, and second, knowing people's secrets without them knowing that I know will be fun. It would give me something to do when I was in bed with them. It also might be useful.

It will also be interesting to see how these people react when they learn the gossip going around the Capitol that involves them.

If I have to be a Capitol-whore, I might as well make my own fun.

Annie is already sleeping when I make it back to her room. I take a shower, order some food and then watch her sleep. For most of the time, she's sleeping peacefully, but every couple of hours, her brow creases and she mumbles something in a frightened voice.

The next day she's taken on a tour of the Justice Building in the heart of the Capitol. Mags accompanies her while I spend my morning having meaningless sex with a woman who surgically altered her ears so they form points. Afterward, I listen to her tell me about how her husband knows Snow.

I pay attention, but I find myself more and more thinking about Annie. I worry about her. Mags, while tough, is old.

But I get to have lunch with them. "Finnick!" Annie says when she sees me. It's the same excited way she says it every time. It fills my heart.

She has a break from tours and events until this evening's dinner at President Snow's mansion. I push my scheduled appointment back and take a nap with her. I don't sleep more than twenty or thirty minutes, but it doesn't matter because I'm holding her so close to me that every movement she makes moves me.

I regretfully take my leave of her and don't see her again until I'm at the dinner party. The room is packed, but she's easy to find in her stand-out red dress. Her hair is pulled up, but little wisps of it tickle her neck. She's wearing a diamond necklace and it puts me on edge.

Logically, I know that her stylists would have gotten it for her, but it is expensive and it reminds me of the jewels my patrons use as gifts to me. Fear seeps into me as I question whether or not she could be doing the same things I am. I feel disgusted, but manage to squash it.

Mags would know and she would tell me. Mags is the one person who has always been honest with me and I have no doubt that she won't keep me in the dark if Snow is forcing Annie to do that sort of thing.

I intend to walk straight over to Annie, just to run my hand down her exposed back, but there must be a thousand people in this room and nearly all of them want to talk to me. It isn't until after dinner that I'm able to get away from everyone and make my way towards her. Before I get there someone takes her hand out of Mags' and leads her to the dance floor.

I watch them dance. I seethe as the man's hand strokes the smooth skin of her lower back. When they spin, I can see she's not having a good time and I want to grab her away. I want to take her hand and run away with her.

Again, I am sidelined by Lucia. She has a standing scheduled appointment with me every time I make it to the Capitol. I'm a little surprised she has waited so long to see me. I spend a long time talking with her. She likes to be seen with me. She likes to flirt. She likes to touch me.

As soon as I can, I excuse myself under the pretense of checking on Annie. Lucia makes a joke about Annie having the mental capacity of a three-year-old and needing a nanny to keep track of her. I bristle, but smile the way I'm expected to.

I finally make it to Annie and tell Mags it's okay for her to go visit with some of her friends. "Hello," I greet her.

"Finnick!"

"You look beautiful."

"Red's not my color. Makes me feel raw and broke open."

I cringe at her imagery, but then she laughs. I don't know what she's laughing at but I love the sound of it, so I smile. It's quick to fade though.

"Why were you talking to that woman? She looked… She touched you. Do you love her?"

What do I say? I'm pleased that her eyes sought me out, but devastated that she saw me with Lucia. I'm outright horrified that I may have to actually explain _why_ I have to talk with Lucia. "Of course I don't love her," I say, but it comes out a little too harsh and Annie's beautiful eyes grow worried.

Sliding my hand across her lower back, I bring her closer to me. "You know how the people in the Capitol are. They like to touch things, but it's meaningless, Annie. Do you understand that it's meaningless? I don't _want_ her and I absolutely do _not_ love her."

Without another word, I lead her onto the dance floor and bring her close to me. I rarely close my eyes around strangers, but tonight I allow myself to dance with her in darkness. I can almost pretend that it is just the two of us dancing in the moonlight on our beach.

But our moment is interrupted by another person wanting to dance with Annie. I have no choice but to let her go.

I no longer want to even pretend that I'm not in love with her. It's so hard to explain. I don't know why I feel this way about her; I just know that I do.

She asked about Lucia. She knows something is off. I don't want to lie to her, but I don't want her to know what I am either.

Still, Lucia is waiting, wanting, and ready for me to take her away from the crowded room and perform for her like always. I glance from her, all made-up like a Capitol-freak, to my Annie, whose simple dress and light make-up are nothing more than accessories to her own natural beauty.

I don't want to have anything to do with Lucia. Even though I'm not having sex with Annie, it feels so wrong to think about doing what Lucia wants tonight. How can I do that to Annie? How will I force myself to perform now that I realize I love her?

So I do nothing more with Lucia than tell her that I am ill. I tell the same lie the next night. I don't think about anything other than doing what's right for Annie and me.

How can I ever expect her to love me in return when I have sex with both men and women under the direction of Snow? How will she ever respect me? Wouldn't she rather I die than know that I allowed myself to sleep with countless people, in countless ways?

I am alone in my room on the third night of my personal rebellion. The next morning we are to depart for home, and Mags wanted Annie to get some good sleep before our homecoming. The knock is loud and I startle awake.

I open my door and am taken by two sets of big arms. I don't even have enough time to look at who has me, let alone fight them off. I am naked and have no weapons. My protests go unheard as something is clamped over my mouth. I fear that I may be an Avox before morning breaks.

But when they release me, I'm in the room that Samuelson occupied during the prep for the Games. I look up at the calculatingly calm face of President Snow.

"Finnick, Finnick, Finnick."

I say nothing, but as he extends his hand, indicating toward a chair, I sit and never break his gaze.

"I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed in you. You missed three appointments. Are you ill?"

I try to speak, wanting to tell him that I was indeed not feeling well, but I can't seem to make the words come.

He smiles that horrid, evil smile. "You haven't forgotten the arrangement that assures your family's safety, have you?"

"No."

"Really? Then it will come as no shock when I tell you that your inability to comply has had costly consequences."

I can't breathe. My stomach clenches and my heart drops. I hadn't even thought about my family as I blew off engagement after engagement. Finally, I am able to suck in a huge gulp of air, but it isn't like the first breathe after being under water. It isn't refreshing. This air is stale and sickening.

He turns on a television and I see images of my father's home.

"I think it was your brother's new wife who put up the most fight."

Wife? I don't even know that he's married.

"You didn't…" Tears prickle my eyes. "They're…"

"They paid for your debt, Finnick. Don't worry, I only let my Peacekeepers violate your mother."

Everything after that is a blur as my body launches into motion.

I don't get far.

The two large Peacekeepers grab a hold of me again, slamming me back down.

"But it pained me to think I took away everything you had until I realized we left you the old woman. And Annabelle is such a tender girl, don't you think?"

"Please don't touch her," I sob in despair. I hate myself for bringing this upon us.

"Yes, we've made a deal on that as well, if I recall correctly. Tell me, will you go back on your word if it's Annie's life in the balance?"

"No," I say quickly, panicking now.

Just then a door opening and a female Peacekeeper brings Annie in. "Finnick!" she says the same way she always does. Her eyes narrow when she sees me. "You're naked?"

"Annie! Are you all right?"

The easy smile she usually wears slips and her eyes grow panicked as well. I shouldn't be upsetting her more. I struggle to regain my composure.

"Dear Annabelle!" His voice seems to shake her and she notices the President for the first time. "Finnick and I were just talking about you. He values you quite a bit, you know."

Her smile is back and it grows. She murmurs that she values me too.

"In fact, he values you so much that he begged me after you won the Games to promise to keep you safe. I asked for a very modest trade." He runs a finger down her arm and I can see her shiver from her. "Finnick forgot about our arrangement and flaunted his feelings so openly by dancing with just one person all night, so I'd like you to meet someone."

She shifts nervously and her fingers move constantly. "I didn't kill the birds!"

"Birds?" he asks with a laugh. I want to kill him as he runs his fingers against her cheek. "I want you to meet one of your biggest sponsors."

The over-fed man who gave a small fortune to help feed her enters the room, takes her hand, and presses it to his disgusting, fat lips. "Hello, Annie."

"No!"

Everyone looks at me now. "I won't forget this time. I swear." All I can think about is that fat man sweating on her.

Snow crosses to me, his long disgusting fingers trail over my collarbone and I swear if the two Peacekeepers weren't using all of their force on me, I would snap is his neck, rip his head clean off his body.

He moves behind my chair and crouches down, his bloody breath at my ear.

"He's been begging me for her since the reaping," he whispers about the sponsor. "He wants her so badly. You should have heard what he offered for your little eccentric girl."

I do my best to keep my voice even, but even I hear the terror. "Please don't."

"Yes, beg Finnick. Beg me to spare her."

"Please don't hurt her."

"Marcus, I don't believe a deal has been reached. Wait outside."

The sponsor runs his fingertip down her arm as he exits.

"Finnick?" I wish I couldn't see the fear in her eyes, the dread set on her lips.

Snow runs a hand down my bare chest as his body presses even closer from behind. "Payment for your lapse in judgment is either her or you."

It takes his lips on my ear before the realization hits. It must dawn on Annie too because she says, "Don't touch him."

Snow laughs and my eyes close to shield me from seeing the look on her face. "'Don't touch him?' But he's mine to touch, my dear child."

There was a silent pause until he says, "He never told you what your price was? Oh, how very, _very_ precious."

I feel so sickened at my choice. I could either allow this to happen or I could fight. Fighting could result in my death or worse, hers. Before I honestly decide, my body is struggling and I'm trying to fight off the Peacekeepers, but they have somehow stunned me and are beating me badly. Annie's screaming for them to stop, for me to stop trying to fight until I have no more energy and give up. The only thing I can do is let it happen.

I think about the water. Annie's little whimpers as she sits in the room with me transform into chirps of water birds.

After we're released, I wish once again I could fly off of the roof and end my existence, but I can't, so I sit huddled in the shower, Annie naked next to me.

I can't look at her as she continues to wash me.

We're in there for long hours and I want to cry, but I don't want her to panic at what she just witnessed. I need her close to me and if she panics, I doubt I can help either one of us get through it.

Finally, she coaxes me out and we are dried. She helps me into comfortable clothes and I watch as she puts on clothing that is much too big for her. There is something satisfying in seeing her in my clothing.

We sit silently on the bed until her finger skims my cheek. "You didn't kill those birds, Finnick."

"No," I say, my voice hoarse, "I just won the Hunger Games."

…


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

I don't have to tell Mags what's wrong; she seems to already know something bad has happened. We don't discuss it. Even when we get home and every person we know runs to us to tell us my family has been wiped out, she asks no questions and I offer up nothing.

The best thing about Mags is that she's acts like a mother, but is far enough removed from the situation not to be smothering. She visits every day, either helping me or helping Annie. Instead of fishing Mags and I do a lot of sitting on the beach, watching the pelicans, sand pipers, and seagulls. We watch Annie, who I think loves the water the most of the three of us.

"I think she'd live in there if we'd let her," Mags says.

I have only soft smiles now, no toothy grins or wide, face-splitting smirks. I allow myself the soft one while I watch Annie dive below the surface. She comes up with a handful of living sand-dollars and a starfish. She tosses them all back and the next thing she grabs is a fish.

She won't bring it to shore, though. Annie won't kill the sea creatures she finds, which is a little sad because she's so good at catching them.

"She would make a good wife."

The smile leaves my face. "Like Nat made a good husband?"

She lets out a deep sigh beside me and I feel empty again. I knew next to nothing about Mags' husband beyond that he was killed years before I was born. The standing rumor was that he began talking openly about rebellion and obviously that's not something the Capitol tolerates. But now that I know so much more, I wonder the real reason Nat's throat was cut on Mags' porch.

While I don't apologize, I do move the conversation forward, away from that pain. "What would I do with a wife?"

"Do you need a diagram?"

The soft smile is back. Annie comes up long enough to throw a clump of murky seaweed at me. _This_ she'll eat.

"Don't you think it's odd that people die in our district every day of starvation and yet she refuses to eat anything other than plants? That's not…"

"Finnick." Her voice is such that I cannot ignore it. "It's fairly plain to see how you feel about her. Life is full of what-ifs; our lives are full of uncertainties, but you can't let that stop you finding happiness."

I turn to her fully now. "Do you know how many people I have sex with from one Games to the next? Do you even understand the _scope_ of what it is that I am and what I'm forced to do?"

"It's all the more reason to let yourself have someone in your life to help bear that burden."

I shake my head. Annie already knows too much and Snow already knows too much about how I feel for her.

I go back to watching Annie. My body, mind, and soul all want to be in the water with her. I want her to be wrapped around me. I want to envelop her completely in my arms and keep her safe within them.

But I couldn't keep my family safe and I can't even keep myself safe. She's already been wounded so deeply by what she's witnessed, by what she knows. "It's not fair to her."

"Her entire life has been unfair. In fact, give me the name of the person in the district whose life has been fair?"

We sit in silence because I know that the only people in all of Panem whose life is better than fair are those in the Capitol.

"Let's fish, Finnick."

I draw in a deep breath of the heavy, salt-laden air and stand up. "She'll just make us throw them back."

Quietly, I take long strides to the shore and slip into the sea.

I am a fish. I am a cold fish. I swim in the warm waters. There are hooks and spears, nets and traps. I look for the clearest path around them all, but there are so many of them.

I stay under for as long as I can and feel the healing affect the Gulf has on me. While the salt-water has the ability to heal the body, I feel that it also puts the pieces of my mind back together. Women of our district give birth in the water, so the first thing our children encounter is the sea. It is as natural to the people of our district as breathing. It seems right that as soon as I allow myself to take comfort in something as natural as this, I feel better.

Behind my closed eyes, I have brief images of Annie with a swollen belly. I can see myself holding her in the water while Mags helps bring our baby into the world.

Those beautiful images are cast out by images of our child being reaped, of our child murdering other children, of our child's dead, swollen body being hauled out of the arena by the large metal claw.

"Finnick!" I hear as I surface. Annie is next to me and she takes my hand. I breathe in deeply and take her in. Her dark hair is wet and tangled and her skin glistens in the afternoon sun. "Swim with me," she says.

Who am I to say deny such a simple request? "I bet I can make it to the pier before you."

"No. I'm the faster swimmer." She holds her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun as she looks down the coast to the pier. "There're hooks."

"Well, don't be fooled by the bait and we'll be fine. We'll tug on the lines and trick the fishermen."

Annie laughs and lets go of my hand. She turns toward the pier and is ready to take off, but I take her face in my hands. My thumbs rub over the bones just beneath her eyes and I am struck by how much I feel for her. Just as I am connected to this sea, I am connected to Annabelle Cresta.

"I love you, Annie."

Her smile grows, which in turn makes the overwhelming emotions within billow out until I cannot contain it. It doesn't matter what I told Mags. Wife or no wife, Annie is the second half of myself. We are stitched together like two pieces of fabric; like two pieces of flesh in need of mending.

Lowering my lips to her, curling my body around hers, I kiss her. She kisses me back and she is like the healing water. I can feel those wounds deep inside of me begin to patch up.

…


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Even before the next Games, I'm on a train bound for the Capitol. I have a week-long itinerary. Mags and Mickelson and a handful of the other victors have promised to watch Annie.

"Will you think of me when you…when you're with them?" Annie asks before I head off. It is the first time we've ever addressed it.

"No." Annie and I have yet to cross the line of sexual intimacy and I would never soil it from the start by associating her with the things I do in the Capitol. "You are _nothing_ like them and I won't pretend that I'm doing anything other than a job with them."

I take her head in my hands and brush my lips against hers. "I'll think of nothing."

"But the birds…"

"I'll be fine and so will you. I'll be back before you know it."

Annie isn't stupid and sometimes her mind functions better than other people's. "I already know you're leaving, so that's not true."

I run my hands through her long hair. "Fair enough. How about, I'll be back before you miss me?"

"I already miss you."

My heart swells. "Okay, I'll be back in just a couple of days."

"Seven is more than a couple."

"Fine," I say with a laugh. "I'll think about you every day, just not when I'm doing _that_."

"Will you be a fish in the sea?"

I bring her body close to mine and hug her tightly. "Yes. Will you?"

"I'll never leave the water."

"Stay near Mags."

"I love you," she says, her fingers digging into the small of my back.

The week is long and Mags meets me at the station when I return home. "Is she okay?"

Mags laughs. "It's wonderful to see you too, Finnick."

"But Annie…Is she…"

"She's fine, my boy." We course our way through the town. "Mickelson says if he doesn't hear your name for another ten years, it'll be too soon."

It makes me happy that Annie mentioned me enough times to annoy him. I ask about everyone else, but my mind is on my girl. As walk down the lane, moving closer to our houses, I see her running toward me, her hair flowing behind her. "Finnick!"

It's all I can do to remain upright as she leaps into my arms. She's laughing and I join her. There is something so pure and delightful in just holding her. It feels like being a child when the best thing in the world is to have your mother spare a glance for you. Her body is wrapped around mine and I don't even notice Mags departing, but I stumble into the house, leaning against the wall kissing her.

I try to put her down, but she stays attached to me. "Outside."

I comply and take her out back, stumbling every other step because her mouth feels so good on my skin. Once on the porch, she extracts herself and slides down my body until she standing. I get my first view of what she's done. On the sand, she's spread a blanket and laid out a meal for us.

Taking my hand, she leads me down the stairs, gently pushes at me until I'm sitting on the step, and then she removes my shoes. We sit on the blanket and eat the meal she's prepared. She feeds me bits of green bread and it erases everything that's happened to me in the past week. In fact, I don't even think about it.

When Annie climbs into my lap, curling her legs around my waist, I think of nothing but her. Her arms around my shoulders keep me close, but I would never back away from her.

As the moon rises and our bodies shift, she removes her clothes and then mine. I worry because I don't want her to start talking about birds.

But she doesn't talk about birds. Her sounds are pure and beautiful and the only thing I can do is keep telling her how I feel. "I love you. I love you. I love you," I say in a matching rhythm.

There are so many things I know how to do to bring pleasure to a woman, but tonight with Annie is simple. It is fresh and new and there is nothing more that is needed. "I love you."

Her hands on my back, her breath against my shoulder, her thighs hugging my hips, these are the most meaningful things that have happened to me. This is what it is supposed to be like. I hope that this is what everyone who isn't a Capitol-whore gets to experience.

This was my true first time. This is different than what I've done for years. This is love-making. This is a sharing of my soul. This is a connection beyond physical.

"I love you."

The morning comes quickly and I realize that we must have drifted off together outside. I wake to the sounds of Annie splashing in the surf. I'm still naked when I stand and go to her.

"Finnick!"

I love how she says my name.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"Drink this," I say after I return from the apothecary, holding out a small glass vile with greenish-brown liquid.

"What is it?" she asks, but then takes a better look at it and backs away. "No, Finnick."

She knows what it is and I hate that she does. "Annie, you have to. Please?"

"No." Her hands wrap around her belly and she takes another step back. "I'm not…you can't…"

And then there's nothing but silence as her eyes glaze over and she covers her ears. I hate when she's like this, it's almost painful to me. Making a fist around the bottle, I hide it from her view and move to her. I whisper soft words, telling her how much I love her and how I need her to come back to me.

I tell her that I can't live without her. I tell her how beautiful she is. I tell her how if she comes back to me now, we could take a walk along the beach.

Slowly, she comes back, but her eyes are fixed on my closed hand. "Why, Finnick?"

Her voice cuts at me like a knife. "We weren't careful and we can't have a baby, Annie."

She looks so heartbroken. "You don't love me like that?"

There is so much I want to say to her. A part of me is angry that she could even ask me that, another part of me is sad that I haven't expressed it enough to her, and yet another part of me wants to lay everything out to her.

"I didn't say that I didn't _want_ a baby with you. I said we _can't_ have a baby. The child of two victors would be put into the arena the minute it turned twelve."

Her hands fall to the side. "It tastes horrible." Her voice is even and too calm and again, I'm struck by the fact that she's had this tonic before. I'm glad I killed Bounty, but I almost wish he is alive again so that I could kill him one more time. Not just for her, but for me too.

She doesn't wait for me to say anything. Annie grabs the vile and pulls out the cork, letting it fall to the floor, and then downs the liquid in one gulp. I reach out for her but before I can touch her, the bottle crashes at my feet and she is running. I watch her as she flies over the sand and into the water. She runs as far out as she can go and then dives.

It is a while before I see her resurface. She is already down the beach in front of old Kinnon's house. It takes every ounce of strength within me to stay put. My first instinct is to run after her, but the voice inside my head tells me that she doesn't want me to do that.

She comes back just as the last bit of sun fades away. Dinner is out on the table. I've made her everything I know she likes. A big green loaf of bread is in the middle and I hope she realizes that the bread is symbolic. It's what we've given each other since before we even met.

Annie is silent and I feel tongue-tied. Just last night I was in her arms on the beach and now the distance between us feels unbridgeable. My heart beats faster when she nears me and I feel as though I might cry when she presses her lips to the top of my head, her fingers gently scratching at the base of my neck.

"All the birds are dead on the beach."

She walks away and I know that there are no dead birds outside. I know this her way of forgiving me for asking her to take the tonic, but letting me I have damaged her in doing so.

During the following week, we stitch ourselves back together. I long to lie in her arms, to be inside of her again, but I worry about upsetting her. I don't understand how someone like her could even want a child and she seems oblivious to why I don't. We aren't married and most likely will never be _allowed_ to be married. I am a slave to the Capitol and she has mental issues. I love her so much, but I cannot ignore the fact that her brain is just different.

But all those worries get pushed to the back of my mind when I get the call.

Her body is frail as she sleeps. They've told me everything they know. Victors receive some of the best medical care Panem has to offe,r but District 4's capabilities are far less than that of the Capitol.

"Mags!" Annie cries behind me. She's been hysterical all day.

She found our mentor on the floor of her home. They had plans to harvest seaweed.

Annie is beside herself. It takes over an hour for her to stop pulling at her hair and even when District 4's only doctor says Mags will live, she still cries. Then she laughs, and talks about the birds.

We bring Mags home two weeks later. She cannot live on her own, so she comes to stay with us. Every day, Annie and I take her down to the water and help her with her exercises. She's still as spry as her body allows her to be.

We eat dinners together and I am taken with my new family. It isn't that I don't miss my _actual_ family but Annie and Mags have been where I've been, seen the things I have, and know what I know.

The second time I make love to Annie, I'm careful. I make sure that she won't get pregnant and won't have to drink the tonic. After, I give her more affection than normal. I love touching her. I love kissing her. I love being as close as possible to her, but the reaping is drawing near and she grows tense. She removes herself from reality more frequently and I use subtle techniques to draw her back.

"Do you love me?" she asks. I tell her that I love her more than anything. She asks me again and I realize that this is her way of figuring it all out. She's trying to bring herself back into the reality in which we're in love. She's trying to claw her way out of the despair that haunts her; to escape the unreal world where she is still just a little girl being blamed for her mother's death or being used carelessly by a man with too much power.

I don't know why she's so upset about the reapings. We've dealt with them for all of our lives and our names won't be called. The whole event is unfortunate, wrong, and tragic, so I can understand being troubled. I will be going alone to the Capitol with Archibold and the tributes. Mags cannot mentor, Annie isn't fit to be one, and no other victor has stepped up for fill the role.

Perhaps this is what has Annie on edge. I will be going back to the Capitol. I will be having sex with other people. I will be forced to put on the show, maintain the image of sex-symbol and playboy. She will watch me on television touching other women. She will see me dancing with them, holding them, stroking them. She will know that even with all she sees, there is still more that isn't televised.

She'll be remembering that horrible night in the Training Center with Snow. She'll wonder what is happening to me. She'll worry.

But there is no choice.

…


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"How's Mags?" Haymitch asks me.

I look up from the table and see that most of the other districts' mentors are gathered around us. We are sharing a meal, catching up, and my mind has been at home. The mention of Mags takes me by surprise, although it shouldn't. We are all in close contact via telephone, one luxury of being a victor.

"She's doing okay. We've got her in the water every day and she's making progress."

"Will never be the same though, right?" Chaff asks and I shake my head, telling him he's correct.

Mags will never be the same. She will walk with a cane, talk from only one side of her mouth, and will never be independent again.

"But she's staying with you? You and Annie?"

The sound of Haymitch's voice seems to make my chest ache. He says Annie's name and I'm filled with sorrow that I'm away from her. Haymitch is one of the people I trust with my life. Neither he nor Chaff is from my district, but they understand the deep complexity of my life. To all of Panem, he's a drunk and Chaff's everyone's best friend. And I'm the Capitol's eligible bachelor.

I don't answer the question because Haymitch's voice is soft when he asks, "I'm sorry about your family."

So then it's out. My friends, the victors, the only other people in Panem that know what it is that I have to go through, know about my family. If they weren't outright told about what happened during Annie's Victory Tour, they've probably pieced it together.

I say nothing. Haymitch knows the pain. His own family was murdered by Snow a long time ago. Chaff grunts, smacks his hand on the table and orders more drink from an Avox. Chaff lost his mother to the Capitol, his father to tracker-jackers, and his girl to childbirth.

I need to think of something else besides Mags and Annie, left at home without me to protect them, and my poor, defenseless, dead family. "What do you think about your tributes this year? I think mine'll make it to the final four."

Haymitch laughs. "Mine'll be dead at the Cornucopia. All the boy can do is tell you the many uses of coal, and the girl is too interested in what her stylist will put her in to tell me if she has any actual skill."

"Mine too. They've never trained with weapons a day in their life."

Chaff's words aren't meant to dig at me, but they do. The other districts call 1, 2, and 4 the "Career Tributes" because we train our children from birth to be ready to go into the arena. In 4, we use spears and nets every day. It would be hard _not_ to train with weapons, but in Haymitch and Chaff's districts they climb trees and descend into the earth. Some of that is useful in the arena, but not as useful as knowing where on the human body a spear will do the most damage.

"I think it'll be an interesting year." We haven't gotten the training scores, but just from the Opening Ceremonies, I can see that there are some formable players from the other districts.

Since I'm the only mentor from my district, I feel pulled and stretched. I have the obligation to take care of my tributes, but still have the duty to service as many people as possible. I'm tired all the time and rarely leave the control room as the Games begin. My patrons visit me there and they all seem to enjoy it. I can service them and they never have to miss a minute of the Games.

The girl from my district mumbles something under her breath about me being too busy with all my conquests to send her anything, so as I'm driving into Fabian, I reach over and press a button, sending her a silver parachute with broth and bread.

These Games seem never-ending until the girl who seemed so weak at the start emerges to slit throats, wield axes, stab and strangle the remaining competitor. Her name is Johanna Mason and she's from District 7. It's about time 7 has a winner. I watch her interview and decide that I like her. She's straightforward and there's something very natural about how she speaks, like she just doesn't care. Maybe she doesn't.

At home, Annie is better because she has me for a few more months before my next scheduled appearance in the Capitol. Slowly, Mags gets better too. She's able to weave baskets again and make fishing hooks. They are sloppy, like a child's, but it's a start. She can move around in the water better, just holding Annie or myself as a tether.

But when I get the notice of when my train to the Capitol will arrive, Annie begins to be sucked back into her non-reality. She withdraws deep into her own head and when she emerges, she asks questions about things that never happened or tells me things that are completely false. I have to remind her of the truth. It pains me to see her like this, but I think about how she could have gone on existing without anyone to help bring her back. I wonder where she would be.

The next time I see Johanna is in District 4. She has come here to be celebrated. When the train malfunctions, she stays the night with Annie and me.

She is a changed person. I dance with her at the dinner and note how little she weighs now. Very quietly, I inquire about her health and she replies, "I wish I was dead."

"They killed your family?" I guess, although it isn't hard to figure out.

"They killed everything."

"I'm sorry. At least there's nothing left."

She rests her head against my shoulder. "Nothing left," she repeats.

"Even if you'd agreed to what they wanted, your family would have still died like mine when you made a mistake. It's not your fault."

"I'll make them pay some day," she whispers into my chest. I can just barely hear her when she says something about rumbles in 7 and even stronger Anti-Capitol in 8.

After the guests have gone, Johanna, Annie, Mags and I sit out in wooden chairs, the tide bringing the waves up to our feet. Annie can't sit still for long, so soon she is dancing in the water.

"Neesa said they make you do horrible things."

I look at Johanna and sigh. Neesa is her mentor. Mags makes a noise, signaling for Annie. She dances her way over and helps Mags up. Annie smiles at me, but then quietly studies Johanna before kissing me on the cheek. "She doesn't know about the birds."

Annie leads Mags down the beach toward her house and I turn to the new victor beside me. "We don't talk about it here."

"Why not? It seems like you're all they talk about in the Capitol. The rest of Panem watches you parade around…"

I don't wish to hear about what I do in the Capitol, so I cut her off. "Because Annie can't handle it. She's had enough to deal with. I'm certainly not going to add to it by talking about the 'horrible things' I do."

"Neesa and the others said you were devoted to her. What was all that stuff with the birds?"

Despite everything I know about Annie, I still have very little clue about what the birds actually mean. I shrug. "Usually she mentions birds when she's uncomfortable or trying to tell me something meaningful."

Johanna turns back toward the surf. "How can you do what you do and still be with her?"

"Believe me, I tried not to. I didn't want her to know, but it wasn't something that could be kept a secret when…" I trail off, thinking about that night with Snow in the Training Center. "I love her, and I can keep her safe by doing what the Capitol wants."

I feel like I need to continue. "I love her and she loves me. Mags told me that it was okay to have someone to help shoulder a burden, and there's just something about Annie that clicks with me."

I see Johanna again at the Capitol during her Victory Tour. It coincides with my scheduled appearances. I dance with her again and she whispers some news of possible unrest in the districts. While I find this type of stuff fascinating, this isn't the right place.

"Not here, Johanna," I whisper back. The Capitol's ears pick up everything.

I am so thankful to return home and want nothing more than to spend every second holding Annie, but I sleep straight through two days. My body and mind are tired. When I wake, she helps me bathe. She doesn't mention the marks on my body, but I know she sees them and I know they bother her.

I feel myself growing tired again. The Capitol has worn me out.

I am sick for almost two weeks after returning home. The Capitol takes every precaution keeping me healthy. They screen all my patrons, so I know that I am probably just run down.

Annie blossoms under the responsibility of caring for me. I have to admit, I might milk the illness for longer, because there isn't much in this world better than having Annabelle Cresta feed me broth and bread while we lounge naked in our bed.

…


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

When I get home from the exhausting 72nd Games, the house is empty. I go out back, figuring that Annie's out in the water as usual, but don't see her anywhere. She isn't playing in the sand or the surf.

There are broken seashells at the foot of our steps to the beach. They aren't old shells, bleached by the water and sun; these are new, straight from the sea. Up to a few days ago, there was something living in them.

And now they are broken.

Fear strikes me. Panic engulfs me. I run to Mags' house, but it's empty. No one's lived there since her stroke. I go door-to-door until I find Mags, sitting on Kinnon's porch and sipping tea with the old man.

Before I can ask, she calmly says, "She's hiding. I don't know where." Of course, it comes out a garbled mess, but I've gotten good at understanding her poorly enunciated words.

Annie is hiding. Where? _Why?_ "What do you mean?"

It was Kinnon who answers. "That girl watched those Games when she ought not've."

I leave the porch quickly, trying to think of all the places she could hide. There are too many, so I start thinking where my Annie _would_ hide. She wouldn't go to town; any hiding place she'd choose would be near the water, so I jog the coastline. I go up and down, scanning the houses. On my second pass, I squint at the pier and then launch myself into the water.

She is standing behind one of the large wooden beams under the pier. Only her head is above the water. I pull her up and into my arms. "It isn't fair!"

"Annie?"

"You can't…"

When she doesn't continue, I drape her over my shoulder and haul her back up to the beach. I lay her back on the sand and look her over. I have no idea how long she was in the water, but I can tell it's been a while.

She isn't talking.

"Annie, what's wrong?"

She rolls over on her side and hugs her midsection. I'm assaulted by all the possibilities of what could've happened while I was in the Capitol. The three weeks of the Games are the worst weeks of the year for me.

"Annie!" I'm trying to get her to respond because I can't take her silence or her stillness.

"Why do the birds always have to die?"

I just want to know what's going on and now she's talking about the damn birds again. I take a hold of her shoulders in frustration and bring her back up into a sitting position. I force her to look at me. "Enough with the birds, Annabelle! _What's wrong_!"

She uses her arms to cradle her head, covering her ears. She's crying, so I pull her soggy body into my lap and hold her tightly.

I begin softly saying the things that will tie her back down to this world; I bring her to the reality where she's my girl and we protect each other. I murmur the words that will bring her back to me.

When she's more or less coherent, I ask her, "Did the Games upset you?" I think about the deaths in the arena and decide that it must've been the thirteen-year-old from District 6's death that has her upset. The Career pack, my tributes included, cornered him and what happened next was almost enough to disturb even Brutus.

"I swear that boy probably felt very little after that first…"

A low, steady sound comes from her and I feel like I'm losing her again.

"Annie," I say once more, my voice nothing but a whisper on the light ocean breeze.

"They said you wanted her," she sobs.

"Who?"

"On the television."

"Wanted who?"

"The girl with the short, dark hair. The one who doesn't know about the birds! The announcers said all the ladies of the Capitol needed to be careful because you were…you were secretly involved with her and they should…they should…"

This is a regular gimmick of the Capitol spin. It makes the residents, both men and women, want me more. It makes them feel that they must hurry up and "claim" a spot. President Snow's asking price goes up.

"No, Annie. Johanna's a friend. She's someone I can talk to there but I'm not…"

"You were _dancing_. You smiled at her. Was that a real smile?"

None of my smiles in the Capitol were real. "No. I dance with a lot of people. I have to smile. You know that."

"But you're going to marry her?"

With a sigh, I answered, "No. If I could marry anyone, it'd be you."

"What about the lady with the big purple hair."

This conversation was tiresome. The things that went on in her head exhausted me. "I don't love her. I love you."

"But the birds don't chirp."

"Not in the Capitol," I say, hoping that speaking her language of birds would help, "but they sing here." I take her hands and hold them to my chest and bury my face in her hair. "Their song is beautiful here."

I can feel her relax.

"I love you. Don't believe what people in the Capitol say. They're liars."

"Then it's not true? You're not leaving District 4 to live there?"

I cringe at the thought. "Why would I ever live in the Capitol?"

"You can't be a fish there."

"No."

We talk for a little while longer. She asks me strange questions and I answer truthfully, sometimes having to tell her that what she asks is only real inside her head.

I finally get her back to our house and hold her under the hot water of the shower. She shakes and I worry about how long she was in the water. Her legs give out, so I hold her as we dry. I dress her in my warmest clothes.

It is still satisfying to see her in my things.

I wrap her in fluffy blankets and we fall asleep, waking in the middle of the night to make love. She cries in the morning, laughs, talks about dead birds, and then vomits into the toilet.

I begin to really worry when she throws up twice a day for the next week and a half.

"I'm calling the doctor," I tell Mags as Annie naps.

She looks as if she has something to say, so I kneel down next to her. "She's okay, Finnick. She won't want the doctor."

I search her eyes, because Mags always knows more than what her words say, but I can find nothing to tell me exactly what it is this time. I trust this woman more than anyone in the world. If she says Annie's okay, then she probably is.

But another week passes and Annie looks pale and has lost weight because she can't seem to keep much down.

"We need to see someone."

"No."

"You're sick. You can't keep going like this."

She continues to tell me that she won't see anyone, that she's fine. Mags is mysteriously absent when we have this conversations. After a few days of wearing her down, Annie finally agrees, but the night before the appointment, Annie sits up in bed. "Finnick!"

I place a hand at the small of her back. "What is it?"

"The birds don't want to drink it. Please don't make them."

"What are you talking about?" I am almost always confused when she started this stuff, but I'm learning how to deal with it. I've been with her for so long that I know to just continue asking questions until it all comes out.

She turns to face me. "When you were at the Games…"

I don't want to talk about the Games. It's too much for her to handle and quite frankly, many days it's too much for _me_ to handle.

"What?" She doesn't continue, so I ask again. "Annie, what?"

My dread grows as I recall finding her hiding in the water down by the pier. _Anything_ could have happened when I was gone. The others said that they'd look after her, but most of them were older. Cailean is the youngest of the bunch, five years older than myself, but he's rarely around.

"I saw the lady at the apothecary."

"What?" I feel like my brain isn't functioning. I dissect the words, looking for everything hidden in them.

"She told me." Annie looks away, nibbles on her lip and then tears leak from her eyes. "I'm pregnant."

It seems like everything stops. My heart, my brain, my breathing, the crashing of the waves outside our window. "What?"

"Don't make me drink it, Finnick."

Suddenly everything comes alive again as her words penetrate my mind. My heart races and I feel as though I'm swimming.

Pregnant.

Annie.

Annie's pregnant.

Obviously I hadn't been as careful as I thought.

"Don't be mad. I didn't mean to…"

I stop her words by kissing her. It doesn't matter what my logical, rational mind says about the reaping of victors' children or about my status as Capitol-slave, because my whole being is buoyed up. I feel like I'm flying.

I feel so…so…so _happy_.

"A baby?"

Her brow is creased, as if I'm plotting to trick her in some way. She's obviously worried about my coming reaction. She nods slowly.

Bringing her into my arms, I press my lips against the side of her head. "A baby," I say again, smiling at the awe I hear in my own voice.

"You're not mad?"

I'm quick to respond because I never want her to think that I'm angry with her. At times I've been frustrated, but never angry like other men in her life have been. "No. I'm…I'm…" What am I? Very happy, but there is something more. I am…

"I was worried. I thought it'd be like the first time and you'd…"

Her voice shakes. She thinks I'll ask her to drink the tonic again like I had the first time we made love. I shush her. Annie had to be almost two months along now. The baby is too big for the tonic to do anything and more importantly, I _want_ this baby. Before it was…theory. Now it's my future. It's Annie's future.

Our future.

The rest of the world fades as I make love to my beautiful Annie.

I want nothing more than to be in her arms forever.

…


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Annie reaches down and takes the hook out of the large fish's mouth and throws it back with a giggle and a smile. It took me three hours to catch that fish and now it's gone before I can even imagine eating it.

She has much more energy now. She's even started to be able to eat again.

Just as I am about to chastise her for releasing my fish, she stops and places her hand on her belly. My whole body is filled with tension. "Annie?"

Her lips curl in a smile and she comes crashing into my arms. Together we lie in the surf. "I felt it again."

Instantly my fear is wiped clean from me. She is talking about the baby. She felt it flutter inside of her for the first time last night. It's much too small for me to feel, but her excited eyes are enough for me.

We've not discussed how the Capitol will react to it. We've not planned what we'll say or what we'll do to justify our child.

We should have though, because a week after she felt the baby move for the first time, the sickening scent of bloody roses wafts through our Victor's house. I feel paralyzed, even though I can't afford to be. Annie is holding my hand and still smiling because I voluntarily threw my entire day's haul back into the ocean.

She doesn't seem to realize that the house isn't empty, but she can see that I'm wary. Her hold on me becomes tighter and when I hear her little sound of worry, I turn to her with a smile I hope doesn't look forced.

"Mags is over with Kinnon. Will you go tell her dinner will take longer since _someone_ made me throw it all back."

A laugh sounds and she pushes playfully at my stomach. "Mags is eating with him tonight and _I _didn't make you do anything. _You_ were the one who made a big show of it."

I chuckle, but tell her I still want her to go see Mags. I make up a story about wanting to make our home just right for our private meal. Finally she goes and I will myself to explore my own house.

I find him in my bedroom which is the last place I ever want to see President Snow. The sight of him makes my stomach churn, and the sound of his voice makes my skin crawl. He's looking at something on the dresser and doesn't even turn around when he says, "So Finnick Odair's going to be a father. You see where this will complicate things, don't you?"

I feel as mute as an Avox.

"I tolerate so many things. I can understand the desire to have someone on the side, Finnick. The cameras rarely make it to District 4, but you seem so willing to flaunt a child. However do you plan to hide that it's yours since the girl rarely goes anywhere without you?"

"I…I," I try to begin, but I have nothing.

Snow turns to me now and if I felt paralyzed before, I feel downright statuesque now. I can barely breathe. "You forget too easily how much you belong to the Capitol. Do you think that a gift as useful and expensive as a trident is an easy thing for a mentor to send into the arena? Has it ever crossed your mind that something so substantial would have to be approved as it is a complete game-changing weapon?"

I hold my breath because I understand what he's saying. I didn't win the Hunger Games because I was the best fighter or the brightest strategist. He is saying I won because he wanted me to win. He allowed my weapon of choice to be sent to me. I had been…chosen.

"Please, don't," I begin, but my words fade completely.

"You know how I enjoy your begging, but what are you asking, Finnick?"

"Don't hurt Annie."

He laughs. I feel cold. "You think so little of me." His arm extends toward the corner of the room where a white sheet has been draped over something large. "It's customary to bring young parents-to-be a gift."

I swallow hard, knowing that I want nothing he has to give.

His snake-eyes bore into me. "Are you not interested in what I've brought?"

I shake out of stillness and force myself to move. I cross the room and pull the sheet, revealing a crib. To someone else, it could have been just a gesture of congratulations, but I know what that crib represents. To me, it looks less like a crib and more like a prison. His intent couldn't be clearer.

He is telling me that not only does he own me, not only does he own Annie, but he owns our child too.

Snow moves closer to me, pats me on the cheek and says, "Your welcome. Now don't let me keep you. I'm sure your beloved Annabelle will return soon for the wonderful meal you're preparing."

I am frozen again, staring at the crib as he leaves. It takes long moments before I can move. Snow was right. She will be back and I said I would have dinner for her. Somehow through the cloud of anger and fear, I make my way to the kitchen. I busy myself with ingredients.

I drop my utensil as I hear a loud sound from upstairs. I go quickly, taking the steps two at a time and come to a sliding halt in the bedroom.

"Finnick!"

She turns to me and my heart clenches. I love this woman so much and that smile breaks me.

"Did you get this for the baby?"

There really is no choice. I can't tell her about President Snow. I can't tell her that he was here; I can't say that he silently threatened us and the baby growing within her. I can't reveal to her the depths of emotion the man can evoke from me. I can't tell her that the crib, a prison from birth, is a gift from the Capitol, a promise of what the baby's future will hold.

I can't break her like that, so I say, "Yes. Do you like it?"

She propels herself at me, jumping into my arms. I let us fall onto the bed and then I push the visit as far from my mind as I can. I kiss my Annie. I kiss her mouth, her neck, her collarbone, the valley between her breasts. I kiss the gentle curve of her belly. I kiss lower.

I make myself forget about the crib in the corner of the room.

I make myself forget that I can still smell him. I can still smell the acrid roses and the foul blood.

I tell her I love her. And after, I place my hand on her abdomen and say the same to our baby.

…


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"Thank you for the invitation, President Snow," Annie says sweetly. I know she's just acting. I know she's remembering that night during her Victory Tour.

My eyes never leave her as she crosses the room. As she takes her place next to Enobaria, who snaps her pointed teeth at her, Annie barely looks at me. I am the only victor at this dinner with a guest; a detail that I am sure is planned. At least he chose a woman to be my companion for the evening.

Snow didn't invite _every_ living victor, just a few from each district. No one knows what we are here for, although I suspect it's nothing more than the usual reminder that he's in control.

When everyone is seated, there're some pleasantries between Gaia, my patron, and the president, and a few quiet side-conversations among the victors, but I am silent as I watch my Annie fidget next to Enobaria and try her hardest not to look at me. I wish she would though. I want to see the green of her eyes. I want her to see mine.

No one knows what this meal is about, so we are all on edge, but dinner is being served, so nearly everyone relaxes. I don't because I see that the Avox girl has delivered a plate of nothing but meat in front of Annie. My hands curl on my thighs as she lets out a low "Finn-" but then clamps her hand over her mouth. There are tears in her eyes, and in my mind I can her start talking nonsense about birds.

"Oh, yes," Snow says, his voice sending shivers of disgust down my spine. As I look around the table, almost everyone has the same reaction.

"Of course, Annabelle, I forgot. Forgive me."

He motions to the Avox and the plate is replaced with one of vegetables and grains.

Annie manages a smile and she stops shaking.

Johanna sits next to her, seething. She glances at me, then at Annie, and then at Snow.

"Do you have something to say, _Miss Mason_?"

It's her fellow victor from 7 who kicks her under the table, silently telling her to shut up and keep her eyes down.

Oddly, the rest of dinner goes smoothly, even though I have to continually fend off Gaia's hands under the table.

After everyone is finished, I want to go to Annie, but instead, I take Gaia back to her mansion and spend the next six hours in her employ. She is one of my more twisted patrons, but she has quite a lot of interesting secrets to offer me in return before she releases me.

I am so thankful to be back at the Training Center. The elevator can't go quickly enough. As soon as I reach Annie's room, I know something is wrong. The air smells wrong. Too sweet. Too metallic.

The lights come on as I enter and immediately my eyes are drawn to the big, bloody spot on the bed.

The door clicks closed behind me.

In an instant, I go to pieces.

Annie should be lying asleep on that bed! I should be in the shower getting clean for her. I should be making this better.

But she isn't here. Only bloody sheets.

I cry, sobbing out loud. I feel as though I am a gutted fish; a bloated dead bird set adrift on the water.

Why isn't it cleaned up? Everything in the Capitol is cleaned so quickly, but the stain is there.

I touch it. The blood is sticky.

What has happened to Annie?

I run to the door and find it locked. I cry in frustration. I bellow, hoping someone, _anyone_ will take pity and free me. I need to know what happened. My efforts are useless, so I slide down, hunch over and weep.

I think I'm imagining things when the door finally opens and Johanna enters, shouldering most of Annie's weight.

My beautiful girl is pale and sick-looking, her hand resting on her lower abdomen.

"What…what…what happened?" I choke out.

They are both silent as Johanna leads her to the bed. Johanna mutters something under her breath as she takes in the stain.

Annie gasps.

Finally, my body moves and I hold onto her. She grunts as if in pain, so I release the tight hold, but keep my hands on her arms to steady her. Johanna goes to the door and yells.

A pair of Avox appear to strip and remake the bed.

I feel as though I'm in shock and can do nothing but keep us upright. I feared she was dead but here she is. I hug her tightly again. She groans and Johanna takes her from me, easing her down into bed.

Johanna says something very quietly into Annie's ear. I'm frozen again when she straightens and turns to me. "She lost the baby."

My mind has been racing but it grinds to a halt as I absorb the news. It takes a minute as I start at Annie's still form. When Johanna's words penetrate my mind deep enough for actual understanding, my body responds immediately. I grow hot and angry because it doesn't take Beetee or Wiress to figure out that her plate of food last night poisoned her. For a year, I'd heard people tell me how Snow uses poison to kill adversaries.

He tainted her food and killed my child because it didn't fit with his plans for me.

In my red, hot rage, I bolt for the door, knowing that Johanna is with Annie and will care for her.

I am going to kill Snow. I don't need a trident or a spear. I am going to snap the necks of his bodyguards and then slam his face into the ground over and over until he is dead, just like I did to Bounty.

"Finnick!" I hear Annie say, but I can't stop my body now.

But what's outside the door can.

I am held tightly by two sets of arms. I start to fight but then see the owners of the arms and the struggle stops. It's Haymitch and Rivolo holding me. Chaff is blocking the hall just in case I get free.

My body gives out and they easily drag me to the roof where I scream and cry, curse and moan. I scream and I scream and I scream and I scream.

The wind silences it all.

Then I feel selfish because while I've been screaming, Annie's been dealing with this without me. It's been several hours and I'm finally worn out enough to go back to her. I hurry back downstairs, not even hearing the words the others say.

It doesn't matter anyway. I know they're sorry.

I know how selfish I've been. Annie needs me and I've been busy wasting energy.

I'm tired when I enter the room. Johanna says nothing but motions to the hall as if to say that she'll wait out there.

I go to Annie and have just enough time to gather her into my arms before Publia, my stylist appears with an elegant suit.

"Lucia's waiting for you. She has a guest with her"

I hesitate, hating that I'll have to leave Annie. If I don't, Snow will retaliate again.

I kiss her forehead. I don't want to leave.

"Snakes eat birds whole," Annie mumbles.

With tears I can't control, I stand and reach for the suit.

I can't perform. I can barely even make the effort to try. So instead of doing, things are done to me and then I ask relentless questions about Snow.

Secrets are my only power now.

And I need more.

…


	19. Chapter 19

Authors Note-

Not a lot of things annoy me, but this site just did. I just started figuring out how the entire thing works and then they changed the format…because of that I don't know If I will be updating as frequently but I will finish the story.

I would also like to say thanks to the one person who reviewed my story. I was starting to get really down about the whole ordeal (especially considering that there were 18 chapters up and I could see how many people were reading it….which was a lot). So please if your reading this, I would really enjoy some reviews. I'm not asking for huge long essays on how fantastic it is. The reviews don't even have to be positive (I enjoy criticism, helps me learn). That would really make this experience a lot more fun for me.

I'm warning in advance that this chapter is depressing (at least until the end), so sorry about that. I had an easy time writing the sad events in previous chapters, but depressing is a whole different animal.

**Chapter 19**

One of the other victors tells Mags. They must have gotten a call from Haymitch or Chaff or Johanna or Lyme, one of the victors who always know everything about everything. It's good that someone else told her. I no longer have words for these types of things. Mostly I find that I no longer have words for much of anything at all.

Even Annie.

It's not that I'm angry with her, even though I wish she would just let me in. It's not that I don't know what to say to her, even though I've never been good enough with words to express anything much. It's not that I don't love her, because I love her more than anything. I just find myself empty. When I try to speak, nothing happens.

Not that Annie notices. She's withdrawn into herself even more than after her Hunger Games. I worry for her, but unlike before, I don't know how to bring her back.

She doesn't even mention the birds.

My grief is so near the surface that I can barely look at her without feeling like I will break down.

Mags cares for her as much as possible while I take to the water. I rent a boat everyday now. Annie's behavior is frustrating and bringing in school of fish and crates of shellfish makes me feel better. It's constructive.

I stay in the sun for hours and hours. I spear anything that moves. My nets catch innumerable fish. It is like I'm thirteen again, weaving the nets that will ensure my father reaches his quota, spearing two, sometimes three, fish at a time. I feel proud for short periods because I remember that I'm good at something. Out here I remember that I'm not completely useless.

Each evening, I haul my catch in, saving some for myself and some for a few downtrodden folks of 4. There are men who've lost an arm to the sea and women who've lost men to it. No one is feeding them and despite the plentiful nature of the sea, there is never enough food to go around. I give the rest to help the village meet the Capitol's quota.

I can't think of the Capitol anymore without wanting to kill everyone in it. Snow is the main target, but the rest of them just sit around and follow him like sheep. Some are innocently oblivious and other just ignorant, but most of the residents I have the misfortune of knowing, most of them my "patrons," go along with Snow because they are too afraid to do anything else.

They laugh as children of the districts kill each other. They gorge themselves as our numbers grow smaller from starvation! They purchase people. Their appetites are never satisfied. They always want more.

I am never alone out on the water. A Peacekeeper is always with me. As much as I want to kill him for being an extension of the Capitol, I don't. Instead, I spear fish after fish with my trident.

Every night I go home and give what I've brought home to Mags, who can make a fine meal with only one good arm now. Tonight, I grab a few pieces of freshly baked bread because I've eaten nothing all day. Annie still sits at the window of our bedroom, staring out at the surf.

I feel helpless. Nothing I do anymore helps her come back. I fear that my Annie is lost inside her head. I am helpless and she has become so thin that I worry I might break her if I touch her.

I sit on the bed and watch her. I don't eat the bread because I've lost my appetite again.

There has been more and more talk about mockingjays. Not the bird, but the rebellion. The rebels use the animal who was never supposed to exist as their symbol. I have never been as interested in what the men at the wharf talk about as I am now. I know that I could be of use to the rebels; I just have to figure out how. It would be just another thing to balance in my already overwhelming life.

Haymitch is working with them in 12, not publically, of course. No victor is stupid enough to do that…yet. But we have telephones and we have more access to the Capitol that almost anyone in the districts. Plus we have the ears of the local governments.

I would like to join the movement, for Annie, for Mags, for myself. It would be a huge relief to finally fight back in some way. Maybe if District 4 saw their victors rise up, they would too.

I think about all I've endured at the hands of the Capitol, at the hands of Snow, and I wonder how much more I can take.

Only one thing keeps me from joining the rebels.

Annie.

She will be hurt, tortured, killed if anything ever goes wrong. I can't even talk to her about it. She's not good at concealing information and she's too easy to manipulate. One word from Snow about hurting me and she'd offer up everything she knew without realizing it.

She looks so frail. I remember the bread in my hands and move to her. Sitting next to her, I place a piece in her lap.

It takes a minute, but she looks down and there is just barely a smile on her face. The green bread means something to her as well. I think maybe she'll say something, but she doesn't. I sigh and move to stand up. "You're a fish."

I'm so shocked to hear her voice that I'm frozen in silence. When I push through it, I ask, "What?"

She leans to me and sniffs. "You smell like the sea and sweat and fish." She's picking at the bread. "I'm sorry, Finnick."

"For what, Annabelle?" I can't stop myself from reaching out to caress her cheek. She feels good to my fingertips as she closes her eyes and allows herself to press into my hand.

"The baby…"

"No!" I won't let her finish. "That isn't your fault. I won't…"

"We can never have babies, can we. Finnick?"

Even though I always love hearing my name in her voice, I am sad as I shake my head. I'm not sure which wounds me more, that we'll never have that life or that she's figured it out.

"He'll never allow you to be mine, will he?"

Again I shake my head.

"You won't be able to marry me, even if you want to."

There's a lump in my throat and I struggle to rid myself of it. There is too much to say to her, but I feel too much pain. "I do want to, Annie, I _do_!"

"But you belong to him. We all belong to him, don't we?"

I take her hands in mine. "One day it'll be better. We have to believe that."

This time, it is Annie who shakes her head. "Even if you fight and I hide…" Her voice trails off as her eyes lose focus and she hums a high-pitched note.

A week before the reaping for the 73rd Games, I buy Annie two green parrots. I don't know what she is planning for them, but I know she wants them more than almost anything right now. She takes them to the beach and opens the metal cage, releasing them into the sky.

We sit together, watching as the pair fly away. We don't talk about my required stay in the Capitol that will force me to be away for at least three weeks. We don't talk about my required function. We don't talk about what she'll do while I'm gone. We don't talk at all, but she lets me touch her and as the sun sets, I make love to her in the quiet evening surf.

I am extra-careful that she will not get pregnant. I will not make that mistake again because neither of us could handle it.

One day I'll be able to marry her. She'll bear my children and everyone will know how much we love each other.


	20. Chapter 20

Authors note:

Here is the next chapter. The story is going to start to move more towards the plot from the actual books. Less filling in history for me, I am actually really sad about that. It is less work, and there's not as much for me to explore the characters with.

Thanks to the two people who have reviewed my story. The story that has 20 chapters, has a thought out plotline, and is actually going somewhere. I have decided that I will not be posting the next chapter until I get a decent amount of reviews.

I hope you guys enjoy the chapter.

**Chapter 20**

Another year has passed and the 74th Hunger Games is like nothing we've seen before. Haymitch actually has positive things to say about his tributes and walks with the gait of a man who is looking forward to something.

My own tributes are nothing to speak of. They are utterly forgettable, but everyone is reduced to nothing once Panem sees the District 12 tributes. Cinna and Portia have created a fiery costume for them and they're holding hands. I have no delusions that this is anything but a trick of their team. They aren't together; it's just a momentary strategy to win sponsorship.

It's a good strategy and I wish I had come up with it.

But as Flickerman interviews the boy, I realize that it's _not_ just a strategy for him. He loves that girl. She is incredibly strong with an iron will that's bound to get her in trouble. She's absolutely clueless in regards to her magnitude of her presence.

Even before the tributes are in the ring, I hear murmurs about her being the Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion.

She has to survive the Games first.

Apparently, she's got a great chance at doing just that. Not only are people betting heavily on her, she and the District 12 boy survive the Cornucopia, which is more than I can say for the boy from my district. He went down so quickly that I didn't even have the time to properly figure out which other kid took him out.

No one was really looking at either tribute from 4. All eyes were on District 12. He broke from her and joined our Career pack, but I don't think for a minute he's playing for himself. His sole existence in this game is to further her, the girl he loves, _Katniss Everdeen_.

Automatically, I like him.

The games are what they usually are: a jumble of sending parachutes, watching children die, and fulfilling my duty to the Capitol and President Snow throughout it all.

The girl from 4 is killed by Tracker Jackers, released by Katniss. The youngest, a little girl from 11 is killed later, which really seems to affect her. It was quickly edited for television, but those of us in control rooms saw it all. Katniss _cared_ for the girl; she sang to her and draped her in flowers. I wish that Annie could've seen that part. I know that Annie will be most troubled by the little girl and the spear in her belly.

The rules are changed mid-play, allowing tributes from the same district to work together. I know the second Templesmith says it that it's a ploy. I watch as I have sex with faceless Capitol patrons. She tracks him down. He's hidden himself in the mud. She coaxes him back to health and risks herself for him many times. I'm not convinced she's in love with him, but she's an awfully good game player. I feel bad because it's obvious those kids actually believe Templesmith's words; they think that they could go home together. I know better. Snow will never allow that to happen.

But he and the Gamemakers have no choice because the District 12 team threatens suicide by poisonous berries at the very end. It's absolutely brilliant and I wish I'd thought of that too.

So the Mockingjay-to-be and her lovesick boy pull through and I wonder what this means for the rebellion.

I don't have to wait for long because Haymitch tries to recruit me. He knows that I cannot join. He's different. He has no one. I have Annie and Mags. I couldn't stand it if my actions caused them pain.

"But Mags would join with you, boy!"

"And Annie?" I ask him, my eyebrow arched.

"You don't have to tell her anything, Finnick. She won't…"

I'm finished before he could go on. I want to kill Snow, perhaps more than anyone, but I will not put her in danger. I try to walk away, but he stops me quietly. "You have to do this. Think what could…"

Again, I don't let him finish. I look him straight in the eyes and say, "Of all the many things I _have_ to do, Haymitch, committing suicide by joining a rebellion isn't one of them."

"You'll never be able to break free from servitude if you never…"

I fist my hands in his shirt and shove him against the wall. He knows nothing about _my_ servitude. Before I can hit him; before I can do anything I don't really want to do to my friend, I back up and release him. "Have another drink, Haymitch. I'm going home to Annie. See you on the Victory Tour."

Annie runs to me when I disembark the train. We spend the next few days doing nothing but lying in each other's arms, and then we venture out. I take her and Mags out on the boat and try to decompress from the Games.

But I'm plagued by the rebellion. I _could_ be of help to them. I know so many secrets and I have the opportunity to learn so many more. And as a victor, I can fight and lead. I'm not blind to how the people of 4 look up to me. I can see my effect on all of Panem.

Maybe Annie could be protected. Maybe she'd be proud of me for finally fighting back. She's seen nothing of me beyond being forced to play the Game, to be the whore, to watch as Snow poisons her.

There is too much to think about.

…


	21. Chapter 21

Author's note- Thanks for the feedback guys. It really helped. It took me a while to upload this new chapter because I was out of town for the first month of summer, but now I am back. So here it is.

**Chapter 21**

Annie and Mags and I sit before the television and watch the program about Katniss Everdeen's wedding dress. Annie is excited and happy and then _he_ comes onto the screen. It's the Quarter Quell announcement and my insides twist.

Before I can even begin to process what I hear Snow exclaim, Annie understands and she is out the door. There is no way Mags can keep up with her and it takes me a second to snap out of my shock, but as soon as I do, I'm jogging after her. The Quarter Quell this year involves the past victors. We'll be reaped and sent to die again.

Obviously the reaping will be rigged. I know it will be Annie and me. We cause the most trouble of all the District 4 victors. Annie will be too hysterical to understand that Mags will volunteer for her. I know this without consulting with my mentor. She will never allow Annie back into an arena if she has another option.

But even if Annie is lucid, there will be no way to ease her from her knowledge that I will be going. I know that she'll be in and out of reality until I come back to her in one piece.

_If_ I come back.

After an hour of jogging, I find her near the wharf, tears streaming down her cheeks. She talks to herself or maybe it's to the trapped crayfish and crabs. She's aroused the notice of several fishermen who are yelling horrible things at her as she released their hard-caught haul. Without a word, I pay for the released shellfish and scoop her up. She squirms in my arms, making my progress back home difficult. Halfway there, I have to stop and in that moment, she runs. I catch her easily because she's not yet dived beneath the surface.

"Annie, stop," I beg.

"They always want to kill the birds and blame it on everyone else."

She tries to pull away, but I keep her close. "Don't make me throw you over my shoulder."

Her breakdown continues and deepens. "But we're happy little fish. Why do we have to go back?"

"You won't."

"He hates me too. You and me and the others. You'll kill them all and at the end, you'll have to kill me too because they won't let us have the berries! We'll never have the berries because he'll always…"

I gently cover her mouth with my hand. "Annie, shhhh." That scenario is horrifying. I would never be able to even think about hurting her, let alone killing her in an arena.

"She looked so lovely in her white dresses, Finnick. Why can't he let anyone be happy?"

She's talking about Katniss now. I don't bother to tell her that the marriage wasn't real; that it was nothing more than servitude forced upon those kids by Snow. Instead of a whore like me, they would've been paraded around Panem as the ultimate couple, the couple the Capitol brought together and endorsed as a symbol of its kindness.

"He can't let anyone be happy. Happiness stems from freedom and if we're happy it means we're free."

"Kinnon will go in your place and Mags in mine. I know it."

I know it too, but I can't let Kinnon do that for me. There is something deeper at work here that I'll never be able to tell her. In this moment, I've joined the rebellion. I know that Katniss and the boy will be reaped and if he is not, he'll volunteer for Haymitch. I know that other victors, some already tied to the revolution will be in the arena and I have to believe that somehow, there will be a plan.

Annie's panicked eyes and her shivering body convince me that I'm making the right decision. I won't have to be a whore anymore. At the end of all of this, maybe I can marry Annie. Maybe I can have a baby with her. We can belong to each other. Even if I die, maybe it'll be enough to bring everything that's held us down to an end.

The thought that Mags and Kinnon will replace us comforts her and we walk home hand in hand. She murmurs their names and I know it troubles her that _anyone_ has to go, but she thinks we're safe and that's what keeps her tethered this reality.

It hurts to keep her in the dark. It hurts to know things she doesn't know.

She's hysterical again at the reaping, even as Mags volunteers. And as much as I hate it, when my name is called and no one steps forward, she crumples to the ground. I can't go to her because we're on television, but I comfort myself by thinking about slitting Snow's throat. Once that's done, I'll be free to announce to everyone in Panem that I'm hers. Completely hers.

Like in years past, we get a few moments with loved ones to say goodbye. I ask Cailean to watch out for Annie and to find a way to alert me if she needs anything. I tell him if I die, he's to care for her. Of course he agrees, because there is nothing else he can do.

Annie is barely cognizant when the Peacekeepers let her come in. I hold her, smooth back her hair. I say all of the words that might bring her back, but they don't work this time. She just sits in my lap, motionless until I say that I'll come home to her. When she hears this, she hits me.

"You're a liar."

Her words pierce me in my heart and I try to tell her that in only a few weeks I'll be hers again. She yells something about women with claws and then weeps into my shirt. "The birds will never chirp again! You'll be lost and I'll be alone, always alone."

"No," I say, trying to soothe her. "I'll come back to you and if I get lost, I know you'll find me."

She cries some more, covers her ears with her hands, lets out a low hum and then looks into my eyes and says, "But I love you, Finnick."

My smile blooms. "I love you, Annie. I always will. If you remember nothing else, remember these two things. Remember that I love you and remember if there's a time when you think someone might hurt you, you run and hide. Can you remember that?"

"Yes."

She begins to say something else, but I stop her words with a kiss. I know what she's going to say, so when I pull back because the Peacekeepers are at the door, I whisper into her ear, "I know you didn't kill the birds."


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's note- I just wanted to let you guys know that there are 42 chapters to this story and that I have every intention to finish it. Thanks a lot for all of the reviews. It really helps me write the next installment. So here is the next chapter….I hope you guys like it.**

**Chapter 22**

A few of us are in the garden of the training center. The wind is loud as usual. Johanna and I sit next to Chaff as Haymitch tells us about the infiltrated Games. We have someone on the inside, a Gamemaker who will help us escape. We're told in vague terms about all of it, District 13, the bread that will mark when the rescue will happen, about the importance of Katniss and Peeta.

I look to Johanna and Mags because Johanna is strong and she's never wavered in her hate of the Capitol and Mags has never steered me wrong. I trust her with my life more than I trust myself. If they agree to this, then I will too. If they don't, then I'll devise my own way out of the arena and back into Annie's arms.

I would be hard to kill the rest of the victors. Not physically hard for most of them, since quite a few are substantially older than I am. Of the younger ones, I would have the hardest time with District 12 since they're much younger and of course, Johanna. Her power is her passion, but it can also be exploited as weakness. I could probably drown her if I didn't have to look at my hands holding her under the water.

I could never kill Mags though. She'd never let it get to that point anyway. She'd find a way to take herself out. She'd probably smile at me while she did it. I don't know why she cares for me the way she does.

"Tell me again why we're supposed to waste energy saving him."

Haymitch is rushed. We never have much time to speak openly. "Because the Mockingjay won't sing without him."

We talk quite a bit more and I listen to as much as I can, but really, my mind is on Annie. I think about the last time we made love, the last time we played in the surf, the last spoken "I love you," the last time I saw the green of her eyes.

There was a good possibility that this plan might not work. There was an equal chance that not only will it not work, but the repercussions of it will be lasting and far-reaching. I try to push what Snow will do to her to punish me from my mind, but it is constant. I have to keep reminding myself that I do this for her. I do this for us. And as much as I want to save Katniss and Peeta, I want to save myself and my Annie more.

We can't linger on the rooftop too long. The Captiol's Peacekeepers are more on edge and somehow we know that we're being watched closer than ever. When my stylists and prep team come in, I am all smiles. I know this team well as they've been with me for ten years. I know that Johanna is probably giving her team a hard time, but I don't. I know that they are just fulfilling the role that's been given to them and that just by association with the victors, they are in danger.

Especially if our plans to rebel continue.

I should've thought of them. I should've asked for them to be protected by the inside rebels. Who knew what would happen to them.

It takes a shorter time than usual to get me ready. Typically I'm in suits and have to be carefully styled to project a certain layer of sex-appeal draped over sophistication. Tonight it's all sex-appeal and all I have on is a net. It's poorly made. If I used this for fishing, I'd catch nothing with it. But it's meant to show off as much of my body as possible without being "too obscene."

The whole Opening Ceremony event is obscene. When I look around the staging area, I see my friends dressed up as though they're going to a costume party. They've put Mags into similar netting. It's more refined and respectful, but ridiculous nonetheless.

I watch Katniss. She's a hard one to understand. She seems so strong for being so small. She's obviously a great competitor, but I can't help but wonder how quickly she could kill me. I've seen her shoot in the arena last year. It was impressive, but could she fire a shot at me before I threw a trident in her belly?

Would seeing me kill her send Annie further into madness?

Even though they've never met, Annie likes Katniss. She likes that she took care of the little one; the girl from 11. Annie likes the fabricated love-story and she hoped that the Capitol audience would pick the white satin dress with flowing sleeves and hugged her body. She'd just finish telling Mags and me which dress she liked when Snow came onto the television to announce the Quarter Quell.

Just at the sound of his voice, Annie recoiled and removed herself from the present reality in favor of whatever reality went on in her head.

"We should mess with her."

I startle out of my thoughts and turn to Johanna. "What?"

"Chaff and some of us were talking about how naïve she is. We want to mess with her."

"And that would accomplish what exactly?"

She laughed. "It would accomplish nothing but letting her know she's one of us. She's so…_wholesome_, Finnick. Even after winning and the Victory Tour and the stuff I've heard that's happening in 12, she's so innocent."

I shrug. "At least one of us still is."

"Come on, if she's really the Mockingjay," she says in a whisper as I look around to see if anyone else heard her, "then she can take it. You should really introduce yourself. I heard from Haymitch they've watched all our tapes. She'll know you're the one to beat anyway. Go on," she says, giving me a shove. "Bat your eyes at her and see if she swoons."

I take a step forward, but then Johanna tells me to wait. She puts a pile of sugar cubes in my hand. "Do that thing."

I shake my head, but smile. "What thing is that?"

Johanna tilts her head toward me, bats her eyes, and lowers her voice in an imitation of mine. "Want some sugar?"

Did I really use that line so often? I don't ask her this. Instead I use it to make fun of her. "You look like you're about go into some kind of anaphylactic shock, Johanna. What's going on with that eyebrow?" I ask as I point to her face.

She scowls, which she can only hold onto for about a second before she breaks into a smile and pushes me towards the girl from District 12.

It amazes me that just a few days out from going back into the arena all of us can still mess around. It amazes me that I haven't thought about Annie during that entire five minute exchange. While I was glad she wasn't going back into the arena with me, I wanted her here. I wanted to smell her. I wanted to feel her.

I popped a sugar cube into my mouth and crunched it up. I didn't enjoy sugary things. Beyond chocolate mousse, most things just gave me a bellyache.

When Katniss, who is much shorter than I am, turns around, I make sure I'm way too close to her. "Hello, Katniss."

For just a second, she seems shocked as she looks at my eyes. _Everyone_ loves my eyes. It's ridiculous since so many people in District 4 have almost the same green eyes.

She recovers quickly and regards me as if she's bored. "Hello, Finnick."

I miss how Annie says my name. I wonder if I'll get to hear it again.

The girl takes a subtle step back and I push my hand out to her. "Want a sugar cube? They're supposed to be for the horses, but who cares?" My voice is as sugary as the sweets in my hand. "They've got years to eat sugar, whereas you and I…" I let the idea hang in the air, hoping that she understands that the Capitol treats its animals better than the people from the districts. Even the victors. "Well, if we see something sweet, we better grab it quick."

I don't know why I let Johanna talk me into doing this. I just wanted to get the Games over with; either break out and be free, break out and be killed, or just kill everyone until I created a path back to Annie.

"No, thanks." Her eyes travel over my body. It's different than when most people look at me. She's not hungry for something I have; she's not trying to assert some power over me, she's indifferent. Instantly I like that she's so blasé about my carefully crafted Capitol body. "I'd love to borrow your outfit sometime, though."

I try not to smile because I know Johanna is watching and she'll think I went easy on Katniss, so I start talking about her dark and fiery costume. "You're absolutely terrifying me in that getup. What happened to the pretty little-girl dresses?" I lick my lips, which usually drives people wild, but she ignores it.

"I outgrew them," she says.

I bet she did, what with the forced marriage and all. It's hard to stay a soft child when you live the life the Capitol forces upon you.

I reach out and touch her costume. I wonder what price Snow would have gotten for her had the boy not confessed his love for her publically. The president could have still rented her out, but they were pretty high-profile and it seemed that everyone in the Capitol was in love with them being in love.

"It's too bad about this Quell thing. You could have made out like a bandit in the Capitol. Jewels, money, anything you wanted."

"I don't like jewels," she says and I smile because I can tell it's the truth. She probably felt much more at home with axes and arrows. "And I have more money than I need. What do you spend all yours on, anyway, Finnick?"

Johanna was right. She's naïve, pure, innocent and if I wasn't so bitter about not being the same, I would have enjoyed it. "Oh, I haven't dealt in anything as common as money for years."

"Then how do they pay you for the pleasure of your company?"

My chest tightens at her words. I know how I'm portrayed to the Districts. It's not known what I actually am. I'm just shown as a playboy, someone who likes to sample the tasty Capitol treats, but Katniss sees through this. Or does she? Does she even know what she's asking, because she's not acting like she does. Her tone is too bland, her expression too casual.

"With secrets," I whisper truthfully. I move closer. "What about you, girl on fire? Do you have any secrets worth my time?"

Now she blushes. She must think I'm propositioning her. She has no idea that I never have sex with anyone but Annie unless I'm forced. She probably doesn't even know _anything_ about Annie.

I hate this entire conversation. I'm angry with Johanna for suggesting I do this and I'm mad at myself for doing it.

"No, I'm an open book," she whispers. "Everyone seems to know my secrets before I know them myself."

I feel the urge to hurt her, as if her comment about payment was intentional. I want her to feel something like the rest of us feel. She thinks she's in control of her life. Even if we get out of here, even if we're flown to District 13 and she's the stupid Mockingjay, her life will never be her own.

I smile widely even though I feel like weeping. I missed Annie and the goodness she brought out of my corrupted spirit. "Unfortunately, I think that's true." I see her "boyfriend" walking over. "Peeta is coming. Sorry you have to cancel your wedding. I know how devastating that must be for you."

There. That wrinkle between her eyebrows lets me know that I've at least given her something to think about. I pop another cube in my mouth and walk away. When I'm back next to Mags, I shove my hand in front of a horse's mouth and his lips tickle my palm as it eats the sugar.

Mags asks me what's wrong. It's easy for her to see that I'm angry.

And I _am_ angry. That girl doesn't love that boy. Everything's a show for her. Everything's for the audience. Her only desire is to get out of here and stupid us have pledged to give our lives to save hers.

I watch them, the District 12 kids. He loves her. He loves her with every smile and every small motion of his body. He orients himself next to her in a way that shows his love to everyone around and I'm angry that he gets that right. I've _never_ been allowed to hold Annie's hand in public. I've never been allowed to show the whole _world _how I feel for her.

I'm angry that they get the ability to do it and he's oblivious to how lucky he is to be able to do it and how _stupid_ she is for ignoring not just the right to show it, but how much he actually does love her. Does she not have any idea that none of us get to feel something like that for long? Why doesn't she act like she loves the boy too? Why is it one sided?

I almost can't stand it.

"They're children, Finnick," Mags mumbles next to me, her boney hand wrapping around my wrist.

I look down at her and I know she's right. I'm not mad at them. I'm mad at my situation.

I'm desperate to feel the warmth of Annie's body. I miss her.


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's note- Thank you too all of the people who have been reviewing. It has really helped me continue to be motivated to write this story. So thanks! I also wanted to say that I know a lot of you guys don't want me to kill Finnick, and all I can say to that is that I already have an outline complete for the story(even if it isn't all down yet)…and I don't think people will be disappointed with the ending. There are only 19 installments left to this story. Hope you enjoy this Chapter. **

**Chapter 23**

In the training room we all see how accurate Katniss is with her bow. It gives me strength knowing that someone with such talent is on our side, even if she doesn't know it. I try to learn what I can from her in exchange for showing her a little of what I know.

In my private session, I do nothing. I tell them I want at least a score of eleven and then I sit there, idly running a length of rope through my fingers as I think about Annie. I wonder if she's being cared for. I wonder if she's worrying. I wonder if she's getting into trouble by releasing fish and crabs. I wonder how much she misses me. If she's in the water constantly or if she's avoiding it.

I miss her so very much. It hurts.

I hate the Games. I hate the Gamemakers. I hate Snow. I hate the people I'm still forced to sleep with here. I hate it all.

The night of the interviews all of us who are in on the plan to save Peeta and Katniss know we need to set up the stage for them. We've all planned out what we will say, how we'll challenge Snow's authority. I won't be blatant because I won't risk Annie that way, so I prepare a poem. Writing was the "special talent" I developed after I won the Games.

It's about Annie, but vague enough that all of Panem could think I am speaking about them. There are specific things about bread and birds so Annie won't mistake it for anyone else's.

We're all waiting and then District 12 comes in. The sight of them makes me angry again. He's in a tuxedo and white gloves and she's in a wedding dress that, while beautiful, reminds me of being chained. It's disgusting, but I know they have no choice.

Johanna huffs beside me and I know she's thinking of her fiancé that was killed after her Games. He was killed because she wouldn't become like me.

No one says anything to them and my anger shifts into sadness. Not completely, of course, as I'm still angry, but he really loves her. And Katniss? Well, she's just a girl who might've loved him if she'd been given an honest chance and a choice.

"I can't believe Cinna put you in that thing," I say and she gets defensive. She cares for her stylist, which is understandable. I know he's on the side of the rebellion; the same as Portia. One by one we all get up, except for a few, and defy the Capitol's authority. Everyone asks questions or says they feel sorry for the residents to lose their beloved victors.

When it's my turn, I answer Caesar's few questions and then recite my poem. I can hear the swooning in the hushed silence. I can just make out the whimpers above the quiet sobs. Yes, you ridiculous sheep. Your president is sacrificing me. _Me_, Finnick Odair, the one that loves each and every one of you, with or without Snow's asking price.

But it's not me or Beetee or anyone else that stops the show with our performances. It's Peeta with his bomb of the baby. I know it's just a line. I know it's just to play on the sympathy of the viewers, but it hurts. It feels real and I am in pain for them. Even if the baby is just a fabrication, the thought of it represents something very real. It represents the hope that they, that _we_ will never have.

Katniss and Peeta will never have children. Cecelia's children will most likely be motherless in a day or two. I will never hold a child in my arms. I will never get to see how many of my traits merge with Annie's to create perfection.

And then it's Katniss's turn and she literally becomes the Mockingjay. It's obvious she has no idea that it's happened. I feel angry again, this time at Cinna and Haymitch for using her this way. She should at least have a choice as I did. She and Peeta shouldn't be clueless. How can they protect themselves if they don't know what they're involved in?

Chaos ensues. I leave Mags in Beetee and Wiress's care as Johanna and I rush to meet up with the District 12 tributes. Peacekeepers are all over, separating us. Peeta and Katniss disappear into an elevator before we can reach them and I can only hope that Snow doesn't catch up with them and kill them on the spot.

The day of the Games arrives and so far, I have not heard that Peeta or Katniss have been killed. Before I'm taken by hoverplane to the arena, I kneel by the side of my bed and I whisper soft words to Annie as if she could hear me. I hope that she's okay and that she will be taken care of if anything goes wrong.

I am not nervous about going back into the arena. I've had very little time to be nervous about it. As soon as I was back on the fourth floor of the Training Center, someone was waiting for me. There was someone after that as well. I am surprised that no one was there first thing this morning to be serviced one last time by the great Finnick Odair, whore-extraordinaire.

I am tired as I say goodbye to my stylist and enter the tube that will transport me into the arena. As I rise, I think of Annie. Once I'm standing on the plate, I see that I'm surrounded by water and pink sky. I guess this arena is meant for me. I might have been a trouble-maker at times for Snow, but apparently I bring in enough for him to want to keep me. This arena is so suited to me that I find myself bored before the gong actually sounds.

I don't pay attention to anyone else as I jump into the water. If it's too deep, I'll get Mags after I have a few weapons. While the main goal is to get Peeta and Katniss out alive, I'd like to kill Brutus and Enobaria just for fun. While I'd spent time with them, they weren't my friends and their less than kind comments about Annie over the years still echo in my mind.

When I get to the Cornucopia, I find that Katniss is already there. I guess I should've put my whole heart into swimming quickly, but I'd floated for just a few short moments, remembering what being in the water was like.

She turns quickly, pointing her arrow at me with deadly accuracy. I smile and wonder when she'll figure out that of everyone here, I pose such a little risk to her. It was interesting having pledged my life for someone else and having them totally unaware.

"You can swim, too," I say, trying to me casual, but my tense body keeps me from sounding it. "Where did you learn that in District Twelve?"

She gives a flip answer and we have a short exchange about how the arena's been custom-built for me. She seems bitter about it and she sizes me up. She's playing out scenarios in her head and so am I, but I don't want to kill her and I'd rather not be killed by the girl I'm trying to protect, so I grin.

"Lucky thing we're allies. Right?" I flick my wrist, showing her the metal band I wear that was given to me by her mentor.

She tenses, but then says, "Right."

Behind her I see Ciro from 5. "Duck!" I throw my trident when she does and then go to retrieve it from Ciro's body. I had no issue with him. He liked to drink, but other than that, I knew nothing about him. Snow never wanted much from him, so I rarely saw him at any function.

Some victors seemed to be able to fade from the spotlight and I suppose I house a little bit of resentment for that.

"Don't trust 1 and 2." I can't come right out and tell her about the alliance, so that will have to do.

We search for supplies but only find weapons. We take what we want. She shoots at Enobaria and Gloss, hitting one of them. Brutus comes running at us and I ask her "Do something about that, would you?" She's great with her bow and arrow, but he deflects her attack.

We see Peeta still standing out on his plate in the water. I guess he can't swim like she can. I offer to get him and she tries to stop me. Haymitch said she would be hard to convince I was on her side.

Dropping my weapons in a complete act of vulnerability, I say, "Better not exert yourself. Not in your condition." I pat her lower abdomen, reminding her about the fake baby.

I hope Annie doesn't believe that she's actually pregnant. She'll be very worried about Katniss in the arena.

I ask Katniss to cover me and then swim quickly to Peeta. I can see Mags jump into the water. I watch her for just a moment, happy when I see her float and slowly make her way towards the shore. I glance behind me and see that she's covered by my new ally.

"Hey there, Peeta," I say with a toothy grin. His body is tense, so I put up my hands. "If I wanted to kill you, I could've just left you out here to be baked in the sun and if I wanted you to hurt I would've killed her in front of you."

He stands there, making up his mind about fighting me or trusting me. His eyes flick over to Katniss.

"She's the biggest target in here and every second we waste standing here is a second closer to Enobaria slitting her throat."

That seems to move him, so finally we're in the water and I'm pulling him ashore. Mags is still in the water as Peeta says, "Hello, again," to Katniss and kisses her.

I miss Annie.

They talk a bit about deals made and mentions Mags.

"Well, I can't leave Mags behind. She's one of the few people who actually like me." I wonder if these two newest additions to the victor list know about all the sort details of how the Capitol can control people. Do they have even the slightest idea that while I'm one of the most beloved people in Panem, it's all a show?

"I've got no problem with Mags," she says. "Especially now that I see the arena. Her fishhooks are probably our best chance of getting a meal."

She's right about that, although I can hold my own too.

"Katniss wanted her on the first day," Peeta says with pride in his voice.

"Katniss has remarkably good judgment," I return, happy that Mags impressed them enough. She's close to the shore now, so I reach down and scoop her up.

Mags tells me in her garbled language that the belts are a floatation device and points to Beetee out in the water. I want to go get both him and Wiress as they'll need help with the physical aspects of the arena, but I remember that they are in Johanna's charge. I scan the beach and see that Johanna is already on her way to them.

Katniss gives Mags an awl and then I pick her up and sling her over my shoulder. It's not comfortable for her, but there is no choice. I grab my tridents and we go. When we're far enough away, I put Mags down and see that Katniss is surveying the carnage at the Cornucopia.

She's thinking about how to kill me. She's a tribute through and through. She's a survivor, just like me. She'll kill who she needs to kill in order to survive, in order to pull Peeta through, and she'll feel bad about it later. But in the moment, she knows what needs to be done.

"What's going on down there, Katniss?" I can't help but mess with her. "Have they all joined hands?" I ask, taking a jab at our little show of unity during the interviews. "Taken a vow of nonviolence? Tossed the weapons in the sea in defiance of the Capitol?"

It takes her a moment, but she replies, "No."

Good. She needs to understand. "No, because whatever happened in the past is in the past. And no one in this arena was a victor by chance." We all got here by killing people, other kids. I look at Peeta. Except him. He's still innocent. "Except maybe Peeta."

There is a long moment of tenseness between us. I can see that she desperately wants to get the killing of me over with. I can visualize her arrow through my throat and for a second I actually want it. If I die, Annie will die by her own hand and then we could be together without all the trappings of our bondage to the Capitol.

But I would never let her see that. It would be too much for her, so I think about what I would do if Katniss reaches for her arrows and raises her bow. I could jab the prongs of my trident into her belly quickly.

Luckily, Peeta steps between us. I don't know if he's oblivious or highly aware, but it doesn't matter.

Finally, his intervention puts a stop to the two of us imagining killing the other. At least it pushes it to the side for short time. If nothing else, she has to sleep some time. Regardless of my pact to get her out of here, if I need to, I can kill both her and Peeta when they sleep.

As we hike, Peeta cuts down vines. I'd help but I'm carrying Mags and my weapons. All of the sudden, we're hit with a flying body and land on the ground with a thud. There's commotion and I roll off of Mags, making sure I haven't broken anything on her body.

When she indicates that she's fine, I turn and see Katniss nearly panicking over Peeta's lifeless body.

He hit the force field.

…


	24. Chapter 24

**Authors note- Thank you for all the feedback guys. It really helps me continue writing the story. This part was a lot less fun for me to write than the beginning chapters that were not set in stone by the books, here I pretty much just have to follow the story along. That being said I really hope you guys like this next installment. Only 18 chapters left…. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 24**

I can tell that Peeta's pretty much dead. Katniss does nothing but shake his body and yell his name. I set Mags down and quickly move Katniss away from Peeta. I pinch his nostrils close and then attempt to breathe life back into him, but before I can, she comes barreling at me.

There's no real time to explain. It's obvious that District 12 doesn't know this technique. We use it all the time in 4. People drown and get electrocuted with all of the water, so it pays to know how to cheat death like this. I shove my hand out toward her, palm flat and hit her in the chest. She goes flying, but I turn back to the boy on the ground and breathe into him.

I pump his chest, hoping to restart his heart. While I do it, I have flashes of just letting him lie and taking her vulnerable state and using it against her. I could be rid of both of them in a matter of minutes.

Then I remember that I'm part of an alliance and not just to get me further in the Games, but to overthrow the Capitol. And even if I wasn't, even if I did kill these two, I'd still have to kill Johanna and Mags, two people who are dear to me.

I stick with my plan to no longer be a Capitol pawn.

I want to get back to Annie, but I know helping these kids will make her proud of me. She'll be watching me save this boy's life, bringing him back for his lover. Not that I believe any of that, but Annie does.

Finally Peeta coughs and I sit back on my heels, studying him. As soon as his eyes are open, he makes a joke. "Careful. There's a force field up ahead."

If I ever doubted it before, I know it now. I like this kid. I'm glad I decided to save him.

As I watch them together, I feel strange. They're very concerned about each other, and not just in the way two teammates would be. He loves her, that's never been a lie. But now I can see that she loves him. I'd never seen it before, not in their Games, not during their Victory Tour, and not the few days we spent together in the Capitol before this.

I thought she'd been acting the whole time, but now I see. She might not love him in the same gut-wrenching, all encompassing way he loves her or I loves Annie, but she _does_ love him. I feel better about her instantly. Love is love no matter what form it takes. I'm glad I didn't kill her.

Their love, no matter how heartwarming, reminds me of how much I love Annie. I want to feel her next to me. I want to survive all this so that I can kiss her again. I want to smell the sea in her hair and race her to the pier. I want to hear about the blasted birds and I want her to throw all of my hard work back into the ocean with a smile and a laugh.

I want her so much.

I push her to the back of my mind and focus on what we have to do. We either need to set up camp here or somewhere else, but we need to do it. Katniss takes the lead and I ask her how she knew the force field was there. She reacted much too quickly to Peeta's bad luck at finding it.

She says it's the bionic ear the Capitol gave her after her own Games blew the hearing, but I think she's lying. She doesn't trust me, but it doesn't matter. However she can tell there's a force field, she needs to take point and keep us clear.

I go back to Mags, whose garbled voice tells me not to pick her up. I grab a branch and fashion it into a walking stick for her. I eye the boy and realize that no matter how he's acting, he almost died and probably needs a little help. I make him a walking stick as well.

Mags chomps on nuts and Katniss grows worried that they aren't edible. I trust Mags and she and I already know she probably won't make it out alive, so I smile at Katniss and tell her, "I guess we'll find out," if the nuts are poisonous.

I push the thought that Mags will sacrifice herself for one of us if the time presents itself to the back of my mind where it sits and stews with my thoughts of Annie.

Annie and Mags, the two people I care about the most. The two people I would die for. Mags agreed to put her life on the line for these two kids from 12 and Annie wants so much for the world to include _someone's_ happiness, that I can't help but follow Mags into protecting them.

I choose a campsite and Katniss hunts while Mags and I make a hut out of woven grass. Peeta collects the nuts and puts them into the bowls Mags makes so quickly I didn't even see her technique.

The huntress comes back with some kind of rat. I'm not very interested in it, but I ask as many questions as I can. Engaging in conversation puts people at ease. I need for her and Peeta to trust me. I need for them to realize that I'm on their side and talking about the tree rat is one way to push past their worries.

In the evening while the sky is still light, when the anthem plays, I sit down next to Mags and I hold her hand. I keep my eyes focused on the large tree trunk in front of us. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my mentor and friend's tears roll down her cheeks. She knows every victor who has died. She's probably crying the hardest for Cecelia, who had managed to make the most of her life. She fulfilled every obligation to the Capitol _and_ made some man a happy husband.

Just like with Annie, and Mag's pledge to die for these kids, I put Cecelia and her family to the back of my mind.

I hope tomorrow brings a reunion with Johanna. I need someone else to help me. I need to know if she has Beetee and Wiress and we need to formulate a plan.

Before we can, we get a parachute with what turns out to be a spile in it. I have no earthly idea what it is, but somehow they get water out of the trees. After everyone drinks their fill, we're tired.

I'm exhausted, but I offer to take the first watch.

I want to sleep, but only when Mags and the others are out will I be able to let myself think of Annie.


	25. Chapter 25

**Authors note- Once again thank you guys for the feedback. It helps me a ton. Only 17 installments left. Enjoy the chapter. **

**Chapter 25**

Bells toll and Katniss wakes. She says it's my turn to sleep, but I just barely close my eyes and I hear her screaming for us to run. I don't think, I just go. I grab Mags and sling her over my shoulder. It's almost natural for us. It's not comfortable for her, but this is how I get her from one end of the beach to the other when she doesn't feel like hobbling, and it's how I'll save her now.

My mind struggles to come back into the arena. For the short moment it was allowed to shut down, I was back with Annie in our home. My hand was resting on her swollen belly and she was laughing.

There is a mist. Mags groans and I become aware of the tingling pain on my skin. Poison. It's in the air. I look for Katniss and Peeta, but they're not next to me. I stop and shout at them to get to me.

Peeta falls and despite knowing the air is toxic, I take a deep breath and sigh. "We're going for them, Mags." She smacks me on the back and I know it's what she wants.

Without dropping Mags, I reach down and scoop one of his arms, hooking it under my elbow and start dragging him. My legs are weak and my arms move strangely. The others are the same. Mags can barely keep still over my shoulder.

I have to stop before I fall and bring them all down with me.

"It's no good. I'll have to carry him." I can do it, but not with Mags. I size Katniss up. She's strong enough to shoulder Mags. The woman barely weighs anything anyway. "Can you take Mags?"

We trade our human burdens and I take the lead, going in the opposite direction of the acid fog, toward the water. While I can't control my arms much and I've lost all but one of my tridents, I forget that I have this heavy kid slung over my shoulders. We're going to make it to the water. I feel confidence flutter in me as I think about Mags helping Annie give birth to my child. No, she's not pregnant, but she can be once we're out of the arena and Snow is dead.

I hear a thud and realize that Mags is on the ground and Katniss can barely control her body. My heart sinks and my confidence flees.

When I'm next to her, she asks me to carry them both, and I wish I was strong enough to do it. If it weren't for this poison interfering with my body, I'd be able to do it. I would be slow, but I could probably take all three of them down to the water.

My eyes fill with tears because I already know how this will play out. This is a choice between Mags and Peeta. "No, I can't carry them both. My arms aren't working."

I find her eyes. I find the eyes that have looked so deeply into my own. They're the same eyes that gave me strength to win my Games. They're the eyes that held sympathy when I realized that even victor's lives are full of harsh and repulsive things. They're the eyes I've trusted for so many years to lead me in the right direction.

"I'm sorry, Mags. I can't do it," I practically sob.

Then I see it on her face. That little smile. That knowing little smile she always gives me when she wants me to know how much she cares for me. How much she loves me.

I want to yell at her. I want to throw this boy into the mist and grab her, my mentor, my mothering mentor, and run to safety.

But I don't.

I'm frozen.

I'm the coral that lives under the sea. The only thing that moves on me is my hair and my chemically twitching arms.

I am nothing more than a statue of Finnick Odair as she hobbles to me and rises up on her toes. She gives me a kiss and in it she tells me that she's doing exactly what she came here to do. She volunteered to save Annie. She volunteered to die because she knew I could win and she knew Annie would never have made it to the first nightfall.

Her kiss tells me that she wants me to remain true to our deal with Haymitch. She believes these two District 12 kids could be the key to unlocking total rebellion in Panem. It tells me that she came here to save Annie. To save me. To save these kids.

And now it's up to me to finish it.

I say goodbye silently as she moves as quickly as her broken body can take her. I don't want to watch. I turn and head toward the beach with Peeta. I made a promise to save him above all else. If I can save him, then I can focus on Katniss And after that, maybe I can save myself.

Mags knew she was entering the arena to die. She believed in the Mockingjay and so do I. If these kids can help bring down Snow and his gluttonous Capitol, then I will risk what Mags has already freely given.

Life.

One day I want to be free to openly love Annie. I want to marry her. I want to have children who won't be forced to sell their bodies to keep those they love alive.

One day I want my life to mine. I want to be free.

As soon as I'm out of the jungle and onto the beach, I tumble and lie in the sand. As much as I want to be free, to make Mags' death matter, I can't move. I wish for death. I say goodbye to Annie and hope that someone will care for her as I do.

The weight is off me and I force myself to roll over. I see orange monkeys, but they're meaningless. Everything's meaningless when I'm in this much pain. Mags is dead and my body is jumping around without my permission.

I've taken these kids to safety. They'll have to get themselves out. I hope Johanna finds them. I hope she found Beetee and Wiress and I hope the three of them can look out for these two.

It takes a while for me to die. All I can do is moan and look at the stars. I'm not even sure if they're real.

I hope they're real.

If they are, maybe Annie's looking at them too. There is a good view of the night sky from our sitting room. She can see them as she watches me die on television.

But I don't want her to watch me die. I don't want her to shed the tears that come with that. I want to fight for her. I want to fight to get back into her arms. I have to. I need to.

I look and see that Peeta and Katniss are pouring water on me. They've dragged me to the water and I am soaking in it.

I love the water.

I am a fish. The water is my home. It is where I heal.

I am up to my neck and my body feels better. I can lift my arms and I kick my feet.

I sit up and they hold my hands. I am so thankful that someone is here to hold my hand. I miss my Annie and I miss Mags. Bending down, I submerge my head, draw water into my mouth and flush it out. I take water into my nose and try not to inhale it as the burning intensifies.

I sit up and I stare out at the water, wishing it was my sea. I wish my house was behind me. I wish that Annie was in the water, gathering seaweed and tossing it up at my feet.

I want to hear the sea birds chirping, but all I hear is static.

I haven't died yet, but I'm so tired.

Just sitting makes me feel better and as my body becomes my own again, so do my thoughts. I am reminded why I've chosen to help District 12. I'm reminded why Mags decided to give her life.

I wade out into the water and find myself filled with a sad sort of happiness.

I am a fish, just like Annie. We can live in the sea and not come out if we don't want to.

I swim. I scare the girl and it makes me smile. There is a simplicity about her that reminds me of my Annie. Katniss' is harsh while Annie's is soft, but if I look beyond, I can see the similarities.

But the arena isn't made for smiles. There are monkeys now or some kind of animal I've only seen in the Capitol and they have multiplied. We grow worried about Peeta.

There is a fight. I know I'm a part of it, but it's almost as if I'm fighting through a cloud. The end result is that Ragna from District 6 comes from out of nowhere and like Mags, she gives herself for the boy. A monkey bites her and Peeta kills it.

I cover him as the monkeys withdraw so he can recover her broken body. She's dying and I can't watch. "I'll watch the trees," I say as I walk away.

I don't care to see anyone else's last breath. Ragna was a morphling, a hopeless addict since her Victory Tour, but she was on our side. Just one more casualty of the Capitol.

I collect Katniss's arrows as Ragna dies and the monkeys' dead bodies fade into the jungle.

My body itches and burns. I ache.

Katniss volunteers to take the first watch, but I won't let her. I need time alone to think about Mags. I need time without their eyes on me to be able to imagine a life without her.

As they find sleep, I work on my thoughts of the future. No longer is Mags present in the water as Annie gives life to our child. It is just her and me.

My family has shrunk again. Now it is just the two of us. I have to be strong for my Annie. She needs me and now that I know I can't send Mags to her if I die, I know I have to stay alive for her.

It's for Annie that I do this. It's for Annie that I still even breathe.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's note- Once again thank you for all the feedback guys…..I know I sound repetitive but it honestly helps me finish the next installments. So thanks…Also sorry for not updating this one right away. I have been really obsessive about Harry Potter lately, I have this really long and detailed fanfic lined up for that (supper exited….) and Pottermore has had me distracted…(I think I am the only one who is disappointed by her questions…..so much for a challenge).I got in though, so now I'm back to this. Anyways enjoy the chapter…..**

**Chapter 26**

While Peeta and Katniss sleep, I mourn Mags. I miss Annie. I catch a mess of shellfish and fill woven bowls.

Just to remind me of her, I knock my first bowl over and let them spill out like Annie would, but then I catch them again because she's in 4 and I'm here. These kids need to eat. At some point we'll either have to battle the other victors or we'll have to escape. Possibly both. Food is fuel and they'll need it.

When the girl wakes, I hope I don't look as weepy as I feel. I focus on the crayfish and tell her how she shouldn't wait to eat them. They get rubbery and they're hard to chew and swallow then.

She's scratching her little scabs where the salt water healed the acid bites of the mist. There's blood. I need to lighten the mood. Not for her but for me. "You know, if you scratch you'll bring on infection."

She goes to the water to wash and heal and a parachute of ointment descends. She rubs it in and she looks hideous. I like it. I tell her she's decomposing. I feign like I'm not going to use any because my vanity is too much, but I don't care what I look like. I hope everyone thinks I'm hideous too as I rub it on.

She teases me when she says, "Poor Finnick. Is this the first time in your life you haven't looked pretty?"

I like the way she says it. It reminds me of my brother when we were younger. It feels carefree, like being out on the boat and knowing that you've got the responsibility to help haul in the fish, but also knowing that your father will do the bulk of it, so you can goof off just a little.

"It must be," I answer her. "The sensation's completely new. How have you managed it all these years?" It's something I would've said to my brother.

"Just avoid mirrors. You'll forget about it."

Katniss feels like a sister. It's like how I feel about Johanna. Johanna is my serious sister who can't joke about much and Katniss is my sister who can be so very deadly but keep her good humor.

"Not if I keep looking at you." She helps me with putting it on my back and I help her. Then we decide to wake Peeta, so we get in close and she sings his name.

We do what we intend. We scare him and he sits up with a loud noise. She and I laugh and laugh and it feels like we're just having fun in the sand. Peeta tries his best to put on his reproachful father face, but it just makes her giggle harder. I give a whole-hearted belly-laugh at her fits of giggles.

A parachute falls and I feel like I'm back in my first Games. There's excitement deep in my belly.

It's a green loaf of bread and I ache. I grab it and know the action could be seen as greedy. I never once think about keeping it for myself, it's just… This is bread from Annie. This is the bread that continues to save me. I turn it over and over in my hands as I think about her telling me she sent it to me when I was just fourteen and she was only twelve. I think about sending her the loaf during her Games. I think about the many times she baked this bread for us as a way to share the salvation we felt together.

I'm seriously on the verge of breaking down, but I can't. These kids have to trust in me. Crying and sobbing and wailing for Annie will only drive them to think I'm weak. She'll try to kill me for sure then because in her mind, I'll be easy to pick off, and it would be better for her to kill me sooner rather than later.

"This will go well with the shellfish," I say, my voice deep with emotion. I don't know if they catch it because she starts lathering Peeta with the ointment.

I busy myself cleaning my morning catch.

The playfulness I felt is gone. In its place is a deep longing to be back in Annie's arms and to feel her lips on my forehead while her fingers tangle in my hair. I want to breathe in her scent and feel the hollow of her neck on my lips, her legs wrapped around me as if she thinks if she lets me go, the tide will sweep me away from her and we'll be lost to each other forever.

I feel sick with the longing. I curse myself for not letting Kinnon volunteer. He has a bum hip and fingers that can't curl anymore. He would've died in here, but at least it would've been his choice. I might die in here and Annie will be forced to watch it. Over and over again.

How could I have done this to her?

Only the wave of water across the arena can pull my thoughts away. There is a yell, a scream. I don't move quickly because I know the tide won't rise fast enough to hurt us, but I get up and start collecting our things.

I hear the cannon. Another victor killed. I don't want to think about who it is.

As soon as we start to settle back down by the water, Katniss says, "There," and points down the beach. People come toward us and we retreat a little.

I squint, trying to make it out. A smile pulls on my face. "Johanna!" I am so happy to see her. I start running before I realize I'm even moving.

She calls for me and I can't help but feel part of my lonely ache subside. She's not Annie. I don't love her the same way, but she is part of who I am. She knows the real Finnick and she still likes me…most of the time. She knows my history. She's helped me care for Annie. Johanna doesn't question my love. She doesn't mutter mean things about the girl who's not quite right in her head.

Johanna is acceptance and I love her for it.

She has Beetee and Wiress with her. I give her a quick hug when I get to her and then she uses her clipped voice to fill me in on her experiences in this arena. She's annoyed and I am so happy to hear it. It sounds like Johanna!

Once Peeta and Katniss join us, she tells us that Blight was killed by the force field. Blight was the other victor from 7.

"I'm sorry, Johanna," I say, but she underplays the pain of losing him. Johanna has always been in tight control of her emotions and rarely expresses how she is really feeling. It's something I admire about her.

Wiress is tick-tocking and it's bizarre, but it reminds me of Annie and her birds.

Johanna's had enough though. She's stressed and has even less patience than normal. Katniss says something about it and Johanna slaps her hard. She starts going off, but before she can say anything too damaging I fling her over my shoulder and wade out into the water with her. She's screaming.

I understand her frustration, but she was on board with this rebellion before I was, so I dunk her repeatedly until she settles down. It's therapeutic, both for her and me.

Finally when she's finished, she runs her hands down her face, and then swipes at her soaking hair. "I hate this."

I nod at her and then throw a glance up at shore. The kids are helping Nuts and Volts. "If it helps, I think they're worth it."

She grumps and then shakes her head. "You think everyone's worth it. You're like the old lady at the end of the lane that takes in every stray that passes by."

I smile, but know what she's saying isn't true. There were many strays that I would never let in. The only one was Annie and Johanna knows it.

I swim for a while as she scrubs herself clean, when we emerge, the kids have taken excellent care of Beetee and Wiress. Johanna eats and drinks like crazy and asks me about what's happened to me since the last time she's seen me.

I tell her, but I don't mention Mags.

I can't.

She doesn't ask.

Later that night, as she takes a guard watch with Katniss, I know she'll ask.

I make sure I fall asleep quickly with thoughts of Annie's smile and slender ankles.


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's note- First of all I want to say thank you guys for all the reviews, I went out of town for a couple days and didn't have internet access and was pleasantly surprised when I got back and I had 46 reviews…So Thanks! Secondly, I know I usually update a little sooner but I was out of town and didn't have time. I will try to update more regularly. And Thirdly, this chapter was really hard to write…..when I came to this part in the book all I was wondering was what is Finnick thinking during this and why the F#$*k do I have to be in Katniss's head right now. That's why it took me forever to get it right. Hope you like it…**

**Chapter 27**

It's a challenge keeping Johanna and Katniss from killing each other. It's probably more difficult than getting Beetee to move or Wiress to think linearly.

Katniss has figured out what Wiress has been trying to tell us. The arena's a clock, so it's easier now to anticipate what's to come.

We make our way back to the Cornucopia where Johanna gathers some weapons for herself. Peeta draws a map of the arena.

Then hell bubbles forth in the form of Gloss slitting Wiress's throat. The sight is sickening and I feel cold satisfaction when Katniss kills him. Johanna takes out Cashmere. Brutus is bearing down on Peeta, so I block a spear thrown at him and for my trouble Enobaria sticks a knife in my thigh.

We all run after the retreating figures from District 2, but before we can catch them, everything spins. When it stops, I'm disoriented like I was just churned underwater by a large wave. But thankfully I'm not in the water. I'm still on land.

The rest of my alliance is as well. Except for Beetee. I go out to grab him. When I get back on land with Volts, I see that Katniss has saved his beloved wire. I have a feeling that Beetee is the brains of our little victor's rebellion and he has a plan for that wire.

With the shift of the playing field, we no longer know where the horrors will start, so we have to wait around and walk blind until we figure it all out again.

Peeta wants to tap a tree, but it's up to Johanna and I to keep him safe, so with a look at my friend, I tell Peeta that it's my turn. He offers to watch my back, but Johanna tells him he has to draw another map and pushes Katniss toward me.

She watches Peeta and I get Katniss. It's the best plan we've got. Johanna would kill Katniss or at least die trying if I left them alone, but she has nothing against Peeta.

So the girl and I go into the unknown jungle. I try to keep my thoughts focused on the present. Water. We need water.

I hoped Annie was in the water back home and not watching the blood being spilled here.

No. Focus. Don't think about Annie. Annie is fine. I'm here for her. For us. I'm going to get out of this, kill Snow, and make babies with Annie.

I'm about to drive the spile into the tree when I hear a scream. I don't recognize it, but Katniss does. She yells and takes off toward the sound.

She's quick and I have no choice but to take off after her. The screaming is incessant and is driving me crazy as I crash into the clearing and find the girl. She's wiping her arrow clean and I have no idea what she's killed, but the screaming has stopped. "Katniss?"

"It's okay. I'm okay." She looks anything but okay. Having spent many years in the company of Annabelle Cresta, I've learned the outward signs of a person just on the edge of losing themselves and this strong girl from District 12 is just about gone.

I'm ready to reassure her that things will be okay when I hear my Annie's voice. It's twisted and wrong and conveys nothing but pain and terror. I can't breathe because if they have her here, if she's making those noises, nothing good will ever exist in the world again. I have failed one more time and everything that has happened since the announcement of the Quarter Quell is for naught.

I run toward her voice; toward Annie. Images assault me. Bloody, fleshy, horribly rotten images that sear into my mind. Annie dead. Annie bleeding. Annie cut. Annie being cut. Annie hanging. Annie with no hands. Annie with no tongue. Annie with a hole in her belly. Annie with no face.

I don't know how my feet keep moving because I fear my brain has shut down, but they do. They take me uphill. Annie's in a tree. I'm not a skilled climber. Of course they'd put her where I couldn't get her. Why did no one protect her? Had they? Was Cailean dead because he tried to stop them from taking her? Did she hide? Did they find her anyway?

"Annie! Annie!" All I can do is circle underneath. If she's not tied to the tree, she can jump down to me.

All I can do is scream, but I don't hear myself. Only her. I feel like dying. I want to die because if she's making those sounds, she's in so much pain and I doubt I can bear it. I tear at my hair and am just barely aware that some comes out between my fingers. My face is wet from sweat and tears and I feel so weak and empty.

Everything good in the world is up in that tree. Everything good in my life is being tortured and maimed because of me.

Something flops down at my feet and I look at it.

It's a bird. Katniss's arrow went straight through it.

Annie is not in the tree.

"It's all right, Finnick. It's just a jabberjay. They're playing a trick on us. It's not real. It's not your…Annie."

I like how she says Annie's name, as if it's unfamiliar and new to her. Annie's not new to me, but everyday with her is like a new beginning.

This bird in my hand takes the new beginning from me. "No, it's not Annie. But the voice was hers. Jabberjays mimic what they hear. Where did they get those screams, Katniss?"

My panic seeps into her and I'm oddly calmed by her acknowledgement that the screams might be real. I don't feel so alone in the horrible nightmare in which everyone I've ever cared about suffered because I exist.

My calm melts away when I realize what I've done to this girl. Katniss is strong and brave and I've made her sink to her knees. She doesn't respond when I try to apologize. She doesn't even hear me when I tell her that maybe I'm wrong. She doesn't acknowledge when I tell her Beetee will know.

Another voice, a male voice assaults us and it sends her into motion. I grab her arm because we can't descend into madness together. We have to get out of here. I tell her it's not him, whoever she's thinking of, and I drag her down the hill. She finally begins to jog on her own.

The others are standing just at the edge of the jungle, watching us. Beetee looks sad and Johanna's eyes are wide and staring straight at me. I don't know why they're not running for us. Didn't they hear the screams? Didn't Johanna hear _mine_?

We're running toward them now and then suddenly I've bounced off of something and am sitting on the mossy ground. My face hurts and blood is flowing.

It's a clear wall and it's trapped Katniss and me in this box of horrors. I clutch my hands over my ears because I cannot hear Annie scream like that anymore. Her yells mingle with those of my mother, my father, my brother, Mags. The chorus of my family blends with the horrible orchestra of Katniss's and I feel sick.

I attempt remove myself from this place by thinking of the water. The salt water buoys up the body the way Annie buoys my spirit. I think of swimming with her. I can see her lithe body as it dips under the water and then peaks back up. I can feel the waves crash around us as she clings to me. I can taste the salt on her lips as I hover above her right at the shore.

I can no longer hear the screams. I've succeeded in taking myself away from this place. I'm back in 4 and I'm with her. She's not in pain. She's dumping out my catch and laughing because I've thrown her a predictable look. She's in my arms. Her lips are at my neck and I can feel her breath.

"Finnick!"

That is _not_ how Annie says my name.

"Finnick! Move!"

That is _not_ Annie's voice.

"Come _on_, pretty-boy!"

My body uncurls and I look up into eyes that do not belong to my Annie. They are Johanna's and I am in an arena. The jabberjays were real and the voices they mimicked were real too.

She's tugging at me, struggling with the dead weight of my body, so I use my feet and help her get me to the beach. Katniss is in Peeta's embrace. He's rocking her.

I want to be rocked.

I want to be comforted.

He's telling her that there is no way those screams belonged to her family. I stare at the boy. I want his logical words to be true. I want to believe him, but this boy has a way with words. He could be lying right now and his gift is to convince us of the obvious truth of what he's saying.

She asks me if I believe him and I pawn the question off to Beetee. He's the smart one. He'll know if something like that is possible.

I'm only half-listening. I'm only half-aware that Johanna's spewing talk of rebellion.

My mind is on Annie, hoping she's fine. Hoping she's in the water, swimming. Hoping she's not watching the games.

Hoping that she's remembering good things and thinking about being within my arms.

After a bit, I go into the water.

I am a fish.


	28. Chapter 28

**Authors note- Thanks for all of the reviews guys. It really helps me continue, sorry for not updating sooner. I have had a lot of work to do preparing for school, summer reading and bookmarking and then writing an essay for the book. School is starting soon for me and then I will have a much harder time updating….so I'm apologizing for that in advance. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. **

**Chapter 28**

I fish. More bread. More discussion of who is still left in the arena. Chaff is out there and I try not to think about it. I like Chaff. He's on our side. I know his role in all of this as it was explained before we got here. He would take out anyone not with us. He would be silent and he would provide distraction for us.

The last time I saw him, he had the look of a man ready to give his life for something bigger.

I don't want to think of him, so I fiddle with the bread. It will give us the answer of how much longer we must remain in this place.

I want to go home. I want to see Annie.

I sleep. I dream.

Annie dead. Annie bleeding. Annie cut. Annie being cut. Annie hanging. Annie with no hands. Annie with no tongue. Annie with a hole in her belly. Annie with no face.

Thankfully, a loud noise wakes me up and I sit up with a stifled scream. In my last dream, I was reliving the night in the Training Center during Annie's Victory Tour, only the roles were reversed and I watched Snow hurt her.

I bolt up off of my mat. "I can't sleep anymore. One of you should rest," I say to the two kids, but then I see how close they are and realize that I've interrupted a quiet moment meant for only them.

I feel bad because they may never have moments like that again. They love each other. It might not be the same exact love I feel for Annie or she feels for me, but it's love and it almost hurts to see it. "Or both of you. I can watch alone."

Peeta stays up after telling Katniss to sleep. I'm thankful for the company. He has a calming effect and just like the first time I heard him speak, I'm struck by how much I like him. If the plan works and we get out of this, I would be happy to have him as a friend. His gift, along with words, is knowing how to make people feel better without making them feel weak.

In the morning, Beetee lets us in on his plan and I don't pretend to understand it. He is smart and I put my trust into him. Mags trusted him and Haymitch trusts him. Despite her loud negativity, I know that Johanna trusts him too. If Beetee has a plan, I will follow it.

We hike and wrap the base of the lightening tree with Beetee's wire. Then we wait. I catch a mess of seafood, knowing that most still alive in the water will be dead once the clock registers twelve. I show them how to catch fish with a spear, how to gather shrimp and crayfish and how to dive for oysters.

Peeta gives a pearl to Katniss. There's some inside joke about coal forming pearls.

We eat until we feel sick.

After that, everything is a blur. We separate and I lose Peeta. I run trying to collect everyone again. Beetee's accounted for, that I much I know, but I need to find Johanna and Katniss. And Peeta. He's the one I was supposed to protect. He's the one we need to make sure…

Enobaria runs screaming at me. I'm only half-focused on the fight because I need to find the others. The lightening will strike soon and I cannot let my friends get fried. There are cannons sounding. Peeta, Johanna, Katniss. I have to get them.

I just about give up hope when the arena explodes. Something falls on me. If the jabberjays were mimicking real screams and Annie was dead, I was certain I was going to join her.

I wake inside a medical room on a hovercraft. Beetee is on one bed and Katniss on another.

Haymitch and a Gamemaker I know, Plutarch Heavensbee, are watching over us. This must be a dream, so I behave as though it is. I get up as if my body doesn't hurt. It's odd that I ache in a dream. I walk over to them and punch Heavensbee right in the face.

"No! He's on our side, boy!"

The pain in my hand that accompanies the pain in my body tells me that this is _not_ a dream. I am not dead. "I don't…" My voice is hoarse from screaming and I feel as though I'm caught in an undertow.

Haymitch takes my elbow and leads me to a room where water and tea are waiting for me. There is bread on the table, but it's not green.

I want green bread that tastes like the sea and Annie's love.

"Annie!" I cry out, unable to keep it inside.

I focus on my friend Haymitch because he will give it to me straight, but his eyes won't lock with mine. What does he know? What _doesn't_ he know?

"Take me home! I need to get Annie. They tortured her! They…"

"It was just a part of the games, dear boy," says Heavensbee and I want to punch him again. "Beetee and Peeta were right. It was just a vocal manipulation. Annabelle is…"

"I need to get back there. I need to get there _now_!"

"No, I'm sorry," he says, more forcefully now. "There's no way I can get you to 4. But I've given special orders for her retrieval if possible. It's the best I can do, Finnick."

Oh, God. I miss the way she says my name. I may never hear it again. The Capitol will take her. Snow will take her. Snow will do horrible, vile things to her. She will be hurt. She will cry. She will make those terrible noises that came from the jabberjays.

"If you don't take me home, I'll kill myself right now. I can't lose someone else. I can't…I won't…"

My friend Haymitch places a heavy hand on my shoulder. "Don't be stupid. That's the worst thing you could do. Get her killed for sure. As long as _you're_ alive, they'll keep _her_ alive for bait."

Bait. Bait. Annie as bait. Fish eat bait. People eat fish. Fish swallow bait. Fish get gutted. Annie's a fish. I'm a fish. We're both gutted. Snow's a snake. Snakes eat babies whole. I'm a baby fish. Annie's a baby. Snow will…

My mind is mad. I am mad. I am Annie's madness.

I am confused. Fish and water and bait and babies muddle together and the girl is next to me. The Mockingjay. Things are said, I pay attention when I can, but I'm bogged down by bloody water. I'm being swept away in the undertow.

I say something, but I don't what. My mouth moved without my mind telling it to. I pay attention again when I hear who the Capitol has taken. I knew this. I tried to get them. Well, not Enobaria because I've never really cared about her, but Johanna and Peeta. The Capitol has them. I tried to get them but something happened.

The girl on fire explodes and makes Haymitch bleed. I am upset, but I understand her anger and I understand that her mentor didn't like Peeta's captivity any more than she did. I pull her away, but she struggles. It's a bit shocking that a small girl is as strong as she is.

Plutarch and I get her back to the medical room. He pushes liquid calm into her veins. She lies still and I wish I was like her. Soon, I'll grow tired of awareness and ask for the sedatives for myself. I'm on the verge of hallucinations.

She moans. My heart hurts. I failed. I failed to keep Peeta safe. I failed to keep Annie safe. I have failed this strong and broken girl. "Katniss. Katniss, I'm sorry. I wanted to go back for him and Johanna, but I couldn't move."

She doesn't respond, but I keep talking. "It's better for him than Johanna." Johanna is in for a world of torture and pain, but Peeta will be used before abused. "They'll figure out he doesn't know anything pretty fast. And they won't kill him if they think they can use him against you."

I mean my words to be comforting, but she doesn't take them like comfort. Her voice is dead, but it is meant to cut me like a knife and it does. I bleed from them. "Like bait? Like how they'll use Annie for bait, Finnick."

The Capitol can do anything and I know that bait doesn't have to be alive, just fresh to catch fish. Annie and I are fish. Images assault me and I weep. Annie dead. Annie bleeding. Annie cut. Annie being cut. Annie hanging. Annie with no hands. Annie with no tongue. Annie with a hole in her belly. Annie with no face.

Katniss may love the boy, but not like I love Annie. Annie is everything good. Annie is comfort. Annie is love. They will hurt her. They will tell her lies about me. They will do whatever it takes to hurt me through her.

There is nothing more I can say but the truth. "I wish she was dead." I cannot stand picturing her in pain. I cannot take an ounce more of Annie's troubled expression or her cries in my mind. "I wish they were all dead and we were, too. It would be best."

I no longer pay attention to the girl in the bed next to me. I only pay attention to the girl in my head with her flowing gossamer gown as she runs into the water. I can only focus on how the wet dress clings to her body and how her arms are stretched out to me.

Annie. My Annie.

She says my name. I smile and I hear myself laugh as she runs into my arms, soaking me through with the sea and her love.

Her body disintegrates into me and there is nothing but sand in her place. Annie dead. Annie bleeding. Annie cut. Annie being cut.

I scream until I feel heat in my arm. I am trapped.

Annie hanging. Annie with no hands. Annie with no tongue.

I feel nothing, but see it all.

Annie with a hole in her belly. Annie with no face.

My body is dead. My mind is mad.

Annie birthing our baby in the water while I hold her. Mags smiling at us.

I am mad. My mind is like Annie's and we're fish. I swim with her. I chase her and watch as she contemplates a hook. We look at it together.

And then she bites.


	29. Chapter 29

**Authors note- Thanks for all of the reviews guys! They are awesome. Sorry for not updating sooner. My first week of school just started and I don't have as much time anymore, BUT I will be finishing this story. There are 13 chapters left to this story and then an epilogue…so the end is actually in sight(for me anyway….). I hope you guys like this chapter. **

**Chapter 29**

I am asleep during our arrival to District 13. I am on a bed in a white medical gown when I wake. My dreams were about Annie and I am still consumed by thoughts of her. I don't have to be told where she is or what happened in my district to know.

The Capitol attacked and they took her. They have her. She is far from the sea. I know all of that before Haymitch tells me. What I don't know is what those who got out have told the rebels. That the Capitol troops killed old Kinnon and how no one knows what has become of Cailean. He was supposed to protect her and now no one could find him.

I don't know where the girl from 12 is. Everything is fuzzy, like I've opened my eyes underwater. I think I'm on a constant stream of sedatives and I think my body helps the chemicals out. I don't want to be awake for long because for every horrible dream I have, I have two great ones. When I'm awake, there are no good memories in my mind, just fearful 'what-ifs' and the horrible, sterile world in which Annie's been taken by the Capitol and I am alone.

"This is doing no one good, Finnick."

I smile at Haymitch and then rest back against the uncomfortable pillows and close my eyes.

"We need you!"

"Annie didn't kill the birds," I manage to mumble.

My first dream is about the day I took her to her new Victor's house. I see her spinning the front room and I hear her ask me if we could spend every day together as our feet burrow into the sand out back. My second dream is of her shivering. She's huddled in the corner of a steel box, her skin bare and exposed, small bits of it missing. She cries my name and I weep because I'm being kept from her. I swim and swim and swim, but I never draw nearer to her. My third dream is of Annie in white and my mother who has Mag's ungarbled voice sitting in the small room facing the beach. This is the house I grew up in. There is sand on the floor and it smells of the fresh sea. My father ties lures as my brother plots out our voyage. The beautiful women weave nets and I am holding the cooing baby, who grabs at my fingers and pulls one into his mouth.

"Finnick."

That is not Annie's voice. My eyes flutter open and I see a healer. She looks like the girl on fire, but older.

I don't care what she says, I feel like sleeping, so I do.

When I wake again, it's Haymitch and I fall back asleep. Next it is an older lady that someone explains is the leader of 13. I think they say this more than once and I think I'm supposed to do something proper, like bow, kiss her hand, or tell her I'm her humble servant. I promptly fall asleep.

When I'm conscious next, it is Katniss who is in my room. She's at the foot of my bed, sitting cross-legged. I untwist myself from the sheets and flip over and mirror her posture. I look at her. She is not well, but she's better than I am. Stronger. Her thoughts must be more coherent.

"Finnick."

I blink.

"Finnick?"

I blink again.

"FINNICK!"

"Katniss."

She looks at me.

I look back.

"We're supposed to lead a rebellion."

"I'm tired and it smells in here."

She tilts her head. "They want us to be the figureheads of the rebellion."

"I'm going catch shellfish and have babies."

Both hands cup my face and her eyes lock with mine. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. They talk and talk and I try not to listen, but they want us, Finnick."

I pull away from her and lay back down. I'm tired. Annie is beautiful in my dreams, except when she's faceless and has a hole in her belly. "She didn't kill the birds, Katniss."

"I'm going back to 12. To see what happened. Maybe it'll…maybe it'll…it might help," is all I hear before I succumb to the dark quiet.

I dream of babies bouncing on Mag's knees as I chase Annie down the beach. I dream of green bread on the table while I make love to Annie in our kitchen. I dream of killing her in the arena, my trident stuck in her chest.

I wake to someone I've seen on television, a friend of Katniss. He speaks to me but I don't hear. Something is happening to Annie right now. Somewhere in the Capitol, she is being harmed. Nothing this person can say can hold my attention. I drift back into a dream where she is curled around me and I can smell my home in her hair.

There is a little girl in the room with the same lady as before. The girl is behaving as if she's a medic and I find it interesting. I sit up to watch. They both speak to me.

I don't listen to their words.

I fall back asleep.

Later, a doctor presses something into my hand. It's a length of rope. I focus on her mouth and open my brain up to receive messages.

"You can use it to keep you busy. Active hands, active mind."

"Use what?" I ask.

"The rope. You're from 4 and can tie knots. I thought perhaps you could…"

Knots. District 4. The sea. Annie's eyes. Sandy beaches. Ropes to tie knots.

I look down and already I've tied the length into bowline. I untie it and twist it into a sheep's shank.

Yes, I like this.

Mags would like this.

Annie would like this.

Annie's away at the Capitol.

I used to go away too. I wonder if this is what she felt like waiting for me to return. I think she swam and since I have no water, I'll tie knots.

It turns out that the doctor might be on to something with keeping my hands active. I sleep less. I don't think about Annie less because I can't stop thinking about her. She is my life. She's the only goodness in my life. She's the blinding light after too many hours of dark. She's the warmth of the sun after a winter's dip into the sea. She's the swell of my heart after the emptiness of Capitol life. She is the comfort of thin arms and lithe legs wrapped around my shivering and wounded body.

I tie a fisherman's bend. Snow could be personally torturing her now. She could be crying for me.

I tie a bumper knot. It's good for tying bait. She could be screaming. Maybe yelling about the birds.

I tie several thumb knots with my length of rope.

What if she's forced to be a whore like me? What if he keeps her in constant pain? What if she accidently says something wrong and it's taken all the wrong ways? What if he permanently maims her? What if he kills her?

I untie the childish knots and make a little hangman's noose. There are so many things he could be doing to her that it makes my head hurt.

I go back asleep because at least in two out of three dreams she still has a face.


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's note- Sorry for the long wait. School sucks….hope you guys like the chapter**

**Chapter 30**

They're moving me. No, they're making me move. The other residents of the hospital must move too. I can walk, so they make me, but I'm herded none the less into a large room.

So many people and nowhere to lie down.

I remind myself that I am in District 13. I remind myself that most people don't know I'm a Capitol whore. I remind myself that since I joined the rebellion, I'm not a Capitol whore.

I tie with my rope.

Annie's not with me. This is District 13 and I have no idea what _they_ do to people. I'm vaguely aware of attempts at conversation centering around me being a symbol of the revolution. Yes, they want me in a fighting uniform.

Did I remember to ask about Annie? Did I ask if I agree, if they'll go get her? Would they hurt her if she's accidently said something counter-revolutionary? Is District 13 just like the Capitol? Will my Annie be safe if she comes back?

Will she ever come back to me?

I tie more knots.

"Finnick! How are you doing?"

I look down and see the girl on fire. I feel relieved that she's here. She's smart and crafty and she'll have answers. "Katniss," I say, taking her hand. "Why are we meeting here?" Maybe it's a public punishment, or worse, an execution.

"I told Coin I'd be her Mockingjay. But I made her promise to give the other tributes immunity if the rebels won. In public, so there are plenty of witnesses."

She's so smart and thinks of everything. I feel calmed by this. "Oh. Good." I am honest with Katniss. "Because I worry about that with Annie. That she'll say something that could be construed as traitorous without knowing it."

She smiles and it reassures me. If Annie comes back, she'll be safe here. We'll be safe together. We'll find some water and be fish.

And no one will hurt the birds.

I watch her, the girl from 12, the girl on fire, Katniss. I am thankful she's on my side. She looks out for Annie and me, like I tried to look out for her and her boy from 12.

Peeta.

Peeta and Johanna were taken.

Peeta will be relatively safe, given that they'll use him to make her hurt, but Johanna will be treated horribly. Snow has always known her disgust with the Capitol. Snow has had her family killed, so he knows full well how stubborn she is. He'll know she was in on the plan to some degree and he will stop at nothing to crack her.

Johanna is so strong that I think she'll be able to handle anything.

I don't know about Peeta.

I worry.

I tie knots.

I want to go to sleep, but I don't. Katniss is the Mockingjay. I should help her. I don't think she's spoken with Haymitch. She made him bleed the last time they were together. She'll need someone to help her. I could be that person.

Annie would want me to help her. Annie always liked Katniss. I can help Katniss bring Annie back to me.

I can help Annie.

I spend more time up and out of my bed. I wander around in my hospital gown. No one stops me from going into areas that most people shouldn't be in.

I'm in a soundstage when I find her. "Hello, Katniss," I say, hoping to instill within her a level of trust. I hope she can tell that I'm better now. I can help her. I can be a rebel with her.

She returns my hello and her cousin Gale considers me. I consider him. He is protective of her in a way that is not familial. They are not related. Haymitch told me this. I shake my head at myself. If I'm to be a rebel and help her, I'll need to sharpen my mind again.

If Annie is to come back to me, I'll need to be back to being the man she knows. I can't be a crumbling mess when she sees me.

But maybe she won't come back.

Perhaps he's killed her, just to show me he can. Maybe her body's on its way to 13, to be dropped from above.

I can't be a rebel. I have no power. I cannot protect anything. I am not a leader. I'm only a good-looking whore who was hand-chosen to be given as a gift, over and over and over. I will be no help to her. To Annie or to Katniss.

I don't leave the set. I mill around and watch as they transform her. It reminds me of the Capitol; of my prep team.

My prep team. I wonder if they're all dead. I suppose they are. Snow kills everything around me.

Soon, he'll kill Annie.

I shake out of the thought.

Katniss looks different. She is made-up to be different. She is a wild, sexy, commanding rebel, who is blood-smudged and battle-worn, even though she's not been through anything recently. More Capitol fabrications.

I move to her and smile. "They'll either want to kill you, kiss you, or be you," I say, which is the intent. She is still a pawn and they will confuse her more until she doesn't know which way is up.

She'll need someone to help. I'm Finnick Odair and I can help Katniss Everdeen. I can keep her safe.

I make a note to keep my mind sharp and to begin to focus on other things. Annie is away. She'll be back soon. We'll be fish together, but right now I need to focus.

The next day I bring Beetee into the large Command room. He's still in a wheelchair and he seemed delighted to see me. I've always liked Beetee. He reminds me of old Kinnon, except Kinnon was wily in his day and Beetee's just plain brilliant.

It's decided that Katniss and her friend Gale will go on a mission, so the filmmakers can get actual footage of her in the field. It won't be combat, but they can edit it to look like anything. I'm told to leave, so I do.

I go to the doctors and tell them I have mission now and that I need to go. I twist the rope over and around my fingers and it gives me comfort. I feel completely sane. Why are they looking at me like that?

The doctors tell me that I can't go. This upsets me. If I can't go, I can't help Katniss. If I don't help Katniss, she'll never bring Annie back to me. If she never brings Annie back to me, I'll die. My life will be over and incomplete. I will go back to having nothing.

I try again to convince them that it's necessary for me to go. I can go. I can help. I can be of use to the rebellion and to the Mockingjay. I'm her friend. We're allies. I can help keep her safe and help her lead Panem in a rising against the Capitol. I can…

When I'm told again, they bring out needles with sedatives. I try to calm myself, but cannot, so I evade them. I back away and leave the hospital area. I need to find her. She'll make it right. She's so smart and everyone follows her. She'll tell them I can go.

I just have to find her.

When I do, I tug at my hair and can barely stand still. "Katniss, they won't let me go!" She has to understand that I'm going crazy. I need to do something. I need to get out of here and do something that matters. I need to help bring my Annie home to me.

"Oh, I forgot," she says as she smacks her forehead. "It's this stupid concussion. I was supposed to tell you to report to Beetee in Special Weaponry. He's designed a new trident for you."

A trident? I feel my eyes widen and my fingers curl in anticipation. I'm good with tridents. I can be useful with a trident. And if Beetee's designed it, it'll be special. "Really? What's it do?"

"I don't know," she says and I can see a barely concealed smile upon her lips. "But if it's anything like my bow and arrows, you're going to love it."

My body practically shakes with excitement. Something new. Something to do. Something to help me help her. "You'll need to train with it, though."

Train. "Right. Of course. I guess I better get down there." I turn to leave, exceedingly excited that I haven't been forgotten or dismissed. Beetee designed a weapon for me. I have a purpose and other people know about it. I'm relevant. I'm useful. I'm going to help.

"Finnick?" I stop and turn back around. "Maybe some pants?"

I look down at my body and realize for the first time that I'm still in my hospital gown. My legs are bare underneath and I must look crazy. It's important not to look crazy for people to take you seriously.

I'm going to get dressed and I'm going to be useful, but first, I want her to know that I'm okay, so I strip off the gown quickly until I'm in nothing but my underwear. "Why? Do you find this," I rock my hips out to one side, tighten my abdomen, and stretch my arms up into the air, "distracting?"

She laughs and that is when I know I'm useful again.


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's note- I didn't get a lot of reviews for the last chapter…..so there really wasent a lot of things to encourage me to keep writing this….I am sorry that this is taking longer than it did before but it is not summer anymore….I hope you guys like this chapter and please review…..**

**Chapter 31**

I don't get to go on the mission, but that trident Katniss told me about is nothing short of brilliant. Down by Beetee, there are huge rooms that are made to look like the outdoors. One is a massive lake. I figure it is the closest thing to home, so I spend time there.

I practice using my trident until it becomes a part of me.

Then I sit on a rock and forget myself.

A healer comes in after a long while and collects me. I hadn't realized I'd been staring at the water for that long.

I must be getting a bit better though, as I'm shown a living compartment away from the hospital wing. This is my space, I'm told.

And when Annie gets back, it'll be hers too.

But it's sterile and white and cold and lonely right now, so I'd rather not inhabit it. It can be mine when I have something alive in it. When Annie's back with me, I'll stay there. Until then, I go back to the hospital.

I train with my trident as much as I can and I even get in a swim or two. I like remembering what it's like to be a fish. I like feeling like I used to. There are more clear moments now than before. They don't need to sedate me and I stay awake for whole days and sleep when others sleep.

I don't see Katniss much, but that's because she's busy. I'll see her soon. I know she's around. I hear people talking. I think she still stays in the hospital some times.

I hear about the propos being completed, so at dinner, I take my tray to where Katniss's bed is. She's there and I'm comforted that she's still in the hospital with me. I would feel lonely if she wasn't here. Soon, we'll probably both be released to live on our own. Soon, I'll be healthy enough to.

We eat and watch the footage. She's at a hospital and people are treating her like a celebrity. She's already the Mockingjay in the eyes of Panem. They love her.

Then the hospital is bombed and all those people are dead. There were children in there. I hope Annie hasn't seen this footage, but it's good it's been captured on film. "People should know that happened. And now they do."

"Let's turn it off, Finnick, before they run it again," she says. I can understand why she wouldn't want to watch it again, especially since she lived it. As I go for the remote, she tells me to stop, so I still myself.

The Capitol is running a propo of their own, featuring Peeta. This is not the first one, but he looks worn. He looks weak and if he looks like that, I wonder what Annie looks like.

"Oh, Peeta…" she whispers and this is where I know I can be useful. I cover her hand with mine and watch with her as he is interviewed by Caesar Flickerman. Peeta speaks directly to her at one point, telling her to think for herself.

I click the television off quickly once it's over. I know the Capitol and I know that District 13 is nothing more than a version of it. They'll be here to do damage control, to make sure she stays in line. I can hear them coming now.

I hope she trusts me. I grab her arms. "We didn't see it."

"What?"

"We didn't see Peeta. Only the propo on 8. Then we turned the set off because the images upset you. Got it?"

She nods and I'm glad she doesn't ask any questions. There is no time to explain how governments such as the Capitol and District 13 can control people and can make them think what they want them to think.

"Finish your dinner."

We come up with things to talk about as if we never saw it and no one says a word about the boy from District 12. No one says anything about Peeta and I know without a doubt that District 13 is no better than the Capitol.

The only solace I find is that I've yet to be turned into a whore and no one I know has been tortured into revealing information.

I hope Katniss understands as well.

She takes me out hunting. We're in the woods and I'm so happy to be out from underground. The only thing that could bring me more happiness would be being by the sea. Well, that and having my Annie back with me.

We hide our communicators and walk awhile. She wants to talk about the Capitol interview last night.

"I haven't heard one word about it. No one's told you anything?" I ask. She shakes her head. "Not even Gale?" They are very close and I am surprised that her friend hasn't told her. Her silence confirms his and I try to understand it. I would tell her about it when no one else did. I would think her friend from home would do the same, but saying this to her won't be comforting. "Maybe he's trying to find a time to tell you privately."

"Maybe."

I watch as she kills a large deer. I haul it back.

It bothers me that no one's spoken to us about Peeta. Or about Johanna. Or about Annie. Things are being kept from us. We are not vital members of this society. We are not rebels. We are pawn. Pawns still in a game no one wants to disclose.

I feel bad for Katniss. She's new to this. She never experienced the true level of manipulation powerful governments can wield. She's going into this blind. At least I can no longer be surprised at things like this.

I busy myself helping with propos. They don't let me out of the complex to shoot footage as Katniss did. Instead I'm in front of a black curtain and I am asked endless questions about the victors who are dead. I speak honestly, no longer knowing what it's like to lie about something so real as emotion and feelings.

I speak of Cecelia's children and Mags' husband. I tell of the time when Chaff recalled helping his mother sweep out their meager hut. How only moments after he swept the grime off the porch, she gave birth to his sister. How the next day she was out picking fruit, the new baby strapped to her back.

I talk about the little one from Chaff's district. Rue. The girl with the spear in her belly. The one who helped Katniss. The one would looked like a bird. I try not to think of how much Annie liked her, how much Annie cried on my shoulder when I returned home because of such a little child being killed in such a horrible way.

I speak of Wiress and Kinnon and Rena and Gloss. I speak of people I love and of those I don't care for. I speak of the dead, so I speak with respect.

When I look at those on set, those watching me, I see that they are moved. I see that some are teary-eyed and others have hands covering their mouths as if I've said something important.

It doesn't seem important, but I don't know what else to do.

**Author's note- Let me know what you guys thought : ) **


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's note- Wow guys…..100 reviews : ) Thanks so much…..I am also surprised at how quickly you guys responded to the last chapter….so I decided to add this installment earlier than usually. You guys have been asking certain questions and a common one is am I ever going to tell you what Annie means when she talks about the birds, and my answer is no. Its not ever going to be clearly stated…because Annie does not see things clearly anymore…..The other question was am I going to kill Finnick. I have gotten a lot of messages about that and my answer is that if you want to know you will have to keep reading. **

**Chapter 32**

I don't see Katniss again until I'm told to go to Command. She sits down next to me and asks if we're watching the propos she just shot about her home District of 12. I've just come from Special Weaponry, so I know what the point of this meeting is and I tell her that it's because Beetee has been working on a way to break into the Capitol feed.

Once the seal of Panem is seen, we see Snow and then Peeta.

He looks bad. I wish Katniss didn't have to see this. It would be better if she didn't see it. I think about grabbing her and slinging her over my shoulder to carry her away, but I know that if it were Annie, I would want to be here. Even if it tormented me, I would want to know; want to see.

"He's worse." She's stating the obvious, but her words aren't to inform me of something. I hold her hand because she needs strength and I'm the only one in the room who can give it to her.

It's more propaganda of Snow, using Peeta as an unnerving mouthpiece, but then there's a shot of Katniss in District 12. Plutarch celebrates. Peeta returns to the screen, visibly shaken. I wonder what they've done to him and how much these rebel feeds will confuse him further.

I wonder if he knows where Annie is. If he's seen her.

I draw my attention away because I can't think of her now. I can't cry. I can't weep. I can't be helpless Finnick Odair. I'm holding onto Katniss's hand and she needs strong people. I am strong and I am here for her.

Peeta disappears and I am there. Then I'm not and Peeta is. And then it's back and forth between sides, two sided propaganda. I don't say or do anything.

Everyone else thinks it's a victory, but I know different. This is _not_ a victory. This will be a source of pain for Peeta and everyone who loves him. The retaliation will be swift.

In the end, Peeta returns and says what he's programmed to say and then adds that District 13 will be demolished by the morning.

We see blood and hear Peeta's cry.

Katniss is frozen, but I can tell she wants to lose it. The only thing keeping her screams inside is the absolute horror at what is happening to the boy she loves far away in the Capitol. There is discussion of what Peeta meant, even though it is obvious.

Katniss and I are lead to a lower level bunker and she is told that people will look to her for how to behave. He does not look at me. She finds her spot and I find mine. I want to sleep because I cannot take thinking about the pain they are inflicting upon Peeta and perhaps the other victors for his disclosure of information.

I sleep until I can't, so I sit up and fiddle with my rope. It's been many days alone on my bunk, imaging myself a fish with my Annie to drive away the thoughts of her being hurt. Katniss comes to me and I want to comfort her because she seems so young, so wounded, and so in need of someone's care. She tells me how she thinks Snow is torturing Peeta only to make her weak and then puts it all together. "This is what they're doing to you with Annie, isn't it?"

I smile, but only briefly. I like it when people say her name. It makes her real and concrete. Other people know her. She is real and does not just exist within the fragile confines of my mind.

"Well, they didn't arrest her because they thought she'd be a wealth of rebel information. They know I'd never have risked telling her anything like that. For her own protection."

"Oh, Finnick. I'm so sorry."

It hurts that she feels bad for me. She has enough to worry about. I am the older victor here. I should've helped her more. Done things better. "No, I'm sorry. That I didn't warn you somehow."

"You did warn me, though. On the hovercraft. Only when you said they'd use Peeta against me, I thought you meant like bait. To lure me into the Capitol somehow."

I keep tying knots. My insides feel like mush and I'm in danger of turning into a crying child again. "I shouldn't have said even that. It was too late for it to be of any help to you." I was drugged, confused and upset myself. "Since I hadn't warned you before the Quarter Quell, I should've shut up about how Snow operates."

I wish I'd done things differently. Instead of messing with her like I did, I should've disclosed all of the plans. She could've handled it. We've messed everything up.

"It's just that I didn't understand when I met you. After your first Games, I thought the whole romance was an act on your part. We all expected you'd continue that strategy. But it wasn't until Peeta hit the force field and nearly died that I…" I paused here because I wasn't quite sure I knew or understood _everything_ because no one experienced the exact same love as I experience with my Annabelle.

"That you what?" she prompts.

"That I knew I'd misjudged you. That you do love him. I'm not saying in what way. Maybe you don't know yourself. But anyone paying attention could see how much you care about him."

We don't speak again for a long time. She watches as I knot my rope. I understand now how Annie felt about Peeta and Katniss. I know now that she wanted nothing but the best for them. She wanted these kids to be happy because it meant that we could be happy too.

She asks me how I bear it. How I can stand knowing that he's hurting Annie because it hurts me.

I stare at her. I don't understand how she can ask that. Can't she see? "I don't, Katniss! Obviously, I don't. I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking."

Oh, no. She looks like she's going to crumble. She's looking to me for help and I'm acting as though there is no hope for her, no hope for me, no hope for us. I need to change what I say. I need to give her constructive advice. She's asking what to do and I can help her. I can give her ways to make it better. I can be the light in the dark for her.

I think about what would be beneficial to her. I think about what I do that helps me. "Better not to give in to it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart. The more you can distract yourself, the better. First thing tomorrow, we'll get you your own rope. Until then take mine."

She leaves and I'm alone. I try to be brave because I cannot sleep. I rest some, but am happy when Boggs tells me to come over. I meet up with him, Gale, and Katniss. We go to Special Defense.

We're given coffee! It's like liquid hope!

I make Katniss's coffee and think of something funny to help distract her. "Want a sugar cube?" I ask in my best seductive Capitol voice.

She smiles and I feel victorious.

"Here, it improves the taste," I say as I put three cubes in her cup. She's probably only had coffee on rare occasions.

Gale is looking at me like he'd like to hit me and I realize that he's jealous. It doesn't seem to bother Katniss. In fact, it seems to make her come more alive. I embrace the distraction, but laugh at how little that man knows.

Katniss would never go for someone like me and my heart has always only been with Annabelle.

**Author's note- Reviews are awesome. : ) **


	33. Chapter 33

**Author's note- Thanks for all of the reviews guys. It is really encouraging. These chapters are not nearly as fun for me as the ones that were at the beginning of the story with Annie, so I understand if you guys are starting to get annoyed but Finnick and Annie will be back together soon. Please review…**

**Chapter 33**

We're on a mission! Thank God I'm on a mission! It's just to grab some footage of the wreckage and to show that District 13 is still around, but I'm outside. I'm free. The only thing better would have been to be with Annie near the sea.

The shoot goes horribly wrong though because no one realizes that she knows. No one's figured out that Katniss has figured it out. No one but me.

It's hard to watch. They want her to say just a few lines, but she can manage none of them. She looks like I feel. No one else here is suffering in the same way we are. We know that what we do will have a direct affect on the pain our loved ones feel. Every step she takes as the Mockingjay will lead to more pain and torment for Peeta. Everything I do will result in the same for Annie.

Everyone knows this, of course, but they don't feel it the same way. They don't have the guilt that we carry; the knowledge that if they come home, their scars, both physical and mental will be caused by us.

It's painful to watch. I want to hold her. I want to be the rock for Katniss that I am for Annie. I want her to know that she's not alone and that I feel what she does. I want her to know that I am here and that I know nothing they can say will make it better.

Nothing will be better until Peeta and Annie and Johanna are either dead or here with us. There will be no peace for either of us. Beetee has his work as distraction and he's always been able to maintain an emotional distance. Apart from a fondness of Wiress, he's never express much more than slight interest in the rest of us tributes. Not that he doesn't like us, just that he knew it would be better not to form bonds of fondness.

But Katniss and I, we love these people. They are part of us. They are what keep us breathing when there is no other earthly reason to do so.

Finally, someone asks what's wrong. I can barely hold myself together long enough to answer, but somehow I manage it. "She's figured out how Snow's using Peeta."

Everyone already understands and now they have the look of fear, as if in this moment, we've just lost the revolution.

Gale holds Katniss as she weeps, but only for a moment. She pushes him away, same as she does to me. In the end, she only lets Haymitch comfort her and I feel like this is right. He has been the one to watch her love with Peeta fester and bloom. And despite what everyone might think, he has a heart. Once, during a drunken gathering, he let slip how badly he'd wanted children when he was young.

The hope was taken from him, but I could see in his expression, that he thought of his last pair of tributes as the children he'd never have.

Katniss's break down does not get better, only worse and I am affected by it. I can barely breathe when I think about what Snow and the Capitol are doing to Peeta. I cannot function at all when I think about what they are doing to Annie.

They sedate her. This does not calm me because there's talk about how she's failed. How we've all failed because they couldn't keep her from finding out. I worry about what else they know and aren't telling us.

I rush to Plutarch and punch him in the gut. It feels wonderful to punch a Gamemaker a second time. "What else? What else is happening that you won't tell us?"

"Calm, boy," I hear in my ear. Haymitch. My trusted friend, Haymitch.

I round on him and his eyes spark. He realizes now that there is no calm for me. Annie is trapped like a crab in the Capitol. Crabs are thrown into cooking pots alive. She is the calamari my father was so good at catching. They scream when they're boiled. She is a fish with thousands of hooks in her and they know. _He_ knows.

I grab him by the collar and tug him roughly to me. "Tell me, Haymitch. Tell me what they're doing to her. Are they selling her? Are they…are they…Oh, God, Haymitch, please just tell me. I can't take this. I can't take this and neither can she. She won't sing. The bird will die. The bird will die if she's not released from this hell!"

He looks at me the way I've seen people look at Annie.

I look to Boggs because he's the highest ranking officer out here. He won't help. He's afraid to help me. He doesn't know what needs to be done. Turning back to Haymitch, I weep. "Please?"

"Finnick," he says and his voice hurts my heart. That is not how Annie says my name. I need to hear how Annie says my name.

"Knock me out," I manage to whisper. "Please, Haymitch. This hurts."

There is sharp pain in my arm and I slide to the ground, thinking of Annie in her white gown.

The gown turns to emerald and I am dancing with her. She is mine in my dreams. She mine and I will not let anyone have her again.

I don't wake even though something inside my head says I should. Sleeping is wonderful and much, much less painful.

I don't wake until I'm being shoved and tugged and pulled. Katniss keeps saying my name. She's jittery. I feel agitated. I sit up and tie knots and then coil the rope around my fingers. It isn't until she explains everything that I relax a little.

Today's the day! Today's the day my fate is decided. Today I will know if I can go on, if I can die or if I am forced to remain in this hellish limbo.

My dreams were the best I'd had in weeks and weeks, and yet the news that I will have answers soon is even better!

The girl doesn't get it and I struggle to tell her. I want her to be happy. I want her to relax with me; to gain some comfort from this, but I'm not sure she does.

"Don't you see, Katniss, this will decide things. One way or the other. By the end of the day, they'll either be dead or with us. It's…it's more than we could hope for!"

My whole body clenches when I say the word "dead." It makes me sick to think of Annie like that. It makes me physically ill to think that her light, along with my friend Johanna's light, would be snuffed out and taken from the world like that. I don't know that I could bare to live in a world where they didn't exist…but like I said, either way, I'll know my future soon.

Haymitch gives us a task. A distraction, both for us and for the Capitol. It feels wonderful to be able to help in some way. I give him a big smile and clap him on the shoulder. I could hug him, but Haymitch isn't one for that much affection. I can tell in his eyes though, that he understands.

I feel exhilarated. We're supposed to do a propo to air tonight while the raid is taking place. I watch as Katniss talks about being hungry and how Peeta saved her family from starvation, but my mind is elsewhere.

I think about how if Annie doesn't come back, I'll figure out a way to die. I'm stronger than many of the healers and could easily overpower one to gain access to the precious drugs that could end it for me. Or I could go down to Beetee's lab and "practice" with any number of weapons that will malfunction until I'm nothing more than a bleeding piece of meat.

Those thoughts give me comfort.

I try not to think of Annie in my arms. While the thought could give me peace, there is an underlying sense of dread. She could be different now. Weeks of captivity won't do her any favors. Her mind could be completely warped. Her body could be all but decimated.

Maybe the birds will be gone.

The thoughts bring tears to my eyes and I can bear them no more.

I'm tired of crying. I am so thankful that it will be decided tonight!

Plutarch calls Haymitch and me over once Katniss is silent. His words destroy me because there is so much truth to them.

"Finnick, Panem needs to know."

I say nothing. Haymitch launches a campaign for while the country has no right to know.

No one says what it is, but I know. Plutarch is asking me to tell Panem that I am a whore. A forced sexual slave. _Panem needs to know_. But can I tell them?

My eyes close and for a moment I think I'm going into a state of shock because very, very rarely have I ever spoken of this. Mostly it was in vague terms to other victors. They either experienced the same thing or knew of what I was forced to do. Even Annie and I rarely spoke of it. She knew it and I knew it, but neither one of us wanted to use the words. That would've made it concrete.

I feel sick.

I guess I've not taken stock lately. I guess I've taken my freedom for granted these past weeks and let my weakness override my past. I can never walk away from it. It will always be there, with me. I've never wanted to focus on it because I never had a hope of something better; a different kind of life.

But I know this is the type of story people _do_ need to hear and it will keep the Capitol looking at me instead of the soldiers who will bring my Annie back to me. I can do this. I can do this for her. For Annabelle.

I can tell the world exactly what I was forced to be.

"You don't have to do this," my friend says as I sit down in front of the camera.

I love him for wanting me not to hurt, but Annie is the only one who can soothe this pain. I clutch at my rope and the wadded length gives me strength. "Yes, I do. If it will help her."

So I tell everybody how Snow sold me and others. How we were gifted to people as rewards. I don't look at anyone, especially Katniss. I don't want to see that realization that this could have been her life. I don't want to see her look at me like people look at victims. It's shaming enough to have been in that position. I don't think I could bear her sad eyes.

I tell all the secrets that I know, but I keep the details of the trysts to myself. I have experienced so many things and there will be children watching. Whatever is left of my district will be watching and I don't want them to know the details. The logistics. The exact position of body parts. What _exactly_ I had to do as a child and as a young man.

So I focus on all of the memories and stories I've collected and I tell as many as I can remember.

When I'm done, no one moves. No one speaks. I tell the camera to stop.

All I want is Annie.

But instead I get Plutarch. All he wants is to ease his mind.

I don't want to be around him. I want to punch him again. He represents the Capitol. Even if he's helped the rebels and even though I was never given to him, I don't like him. I've been with his friends. I've seen and experienced what men and women who have a tiny bit of power like he had can do and it makes me sick.

He wants to apologize for what happened. He wants to commend me for being so brave as to speak openly about it.

But I don't want to speak. I want to be with Katniss while I wait to understand my fate.

**Author's note- Reviews are awesome…**


	34. Chapter 34

**Author's note- Okay guys, I know that this has been a long stretch of story without Annie or anything really nice…But, Annie is back. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I want a lot of feedback from you guys. This time I will not post until I have had some feedback…..So please review : )**

**Chapter 34**

Katniss and I do various things as the hours pass. We're waiting on the propo to be edited and to air, but really we're waiting on the mission to begin and to be either a success or failure. We mostly mess around with weapons and tie knots.

The airing of the propo seems to go well. Beetee sticks his foot in his mouth and then backtracks to tell us why he thinks the plan will work. It doesn't matter to me that Beetee says what he thinks. Brilliant minds need no filter.

I just watched myself tell the world about being a sexual slave. I don't think I have any feelings or emotions left. I am simply numb. I enjoy the feeling. It is like being sedated without the chemicals. If I asked, Beetee could probably explain the biological function of this.

We end up spending time in an underground meadow. We make a lot of knots, but they don't help like they usually do. My fingers hurt and my mind is too active. I know I should be strong for the girl next to me; the girl waiting to see if the boy she loves is okay, but I can't. I am weak and I no longer have shame in succumbing to it.

The thought of Annie in pain cripples me. The thought of her dying breaks me. The thought of being kept from my own death if that comes to pass is enough to hollow me out.

I try to remember the good times with Annie. I do my best to think about us in the surf; of us in our bed while the morning light filters in, but it's difficult. All I see is loneliness and pain.

"Did you love Annie right away, Finnick?"

That isn't how Annie says my name, but it draws me back just the same. "No."

I think back to when she was just a tribute. I think somewhere deep down, I always cared for her, but love? No. She annoyed me with her need to throw back my day's hard-work. There were days when I couldn't stand to hear about the birds anymore, but then there seemed to be a day when I woke up alone in the Capitol, or next to some random patron and I _missed_ the blasted birds and I wished I had a mess of shellfish for her to toss back into the sea.

There is no explaining it. It just is.

"She crept up on me."

After more waiting, Haymitch tells us that they're back. We need to go to the hospital, but I can't move. I feel paralyzed.

I keep thinking what if she's not among those who've returned? What if she's horribly maimed? What if she's even worse than ever before? Could I handle that? Can she? What if she doesn't' remember me? What if she _hates_ me for not just winning the Quell? What if she's mad at me for not rescuing her? What if…

Katniss takes my hand and tugs on me. I get up and follow because the girl on fire has such courage and holding onto her gives me some as well. Somewhere I lose her hand and just stand there in the emergency triage ward.

I see Gale with an injured shoulder and a few other soldiers who are wounded, but no one else.

Not Peeta for Katniss. Not Johanna. And not my Annie.

I nearly make it back to Katniss to find comfort once more in her arms when I hear it.

"Finnick!"

_That_ is how she says my name. It's just a bit more desperate this time.

I turn and see her running towards me, a thin sheet the only thing covering her. _Annie!_, is all I can think.

God, she's so beautiful. Her green eyes are watering and wide. Her hair is tangled and I cannot wait to bury my face in it.

I run toward her and we crash together so beautifully that I instantly feel whole again. Her body wraps around mine and I curl around hers. She fits so well with me. I crush her to me, trying to be careful with my delicate girl, but finding I do not have the strength for restraint. We fall back into a wall as her lips press against mine.

My Annie! She's back with me.

The whole world disappears as I saturate myself with her.

We kiss for so long. We kiss until I smell the salt and taste the tears. Some are hers and some are mine. We're crying and I've experienced nothing better than this moment.

Finally, I draw back and take stock. Two arms, two legs, a beautiful torso, a lovely smile, green eyes like the sea. Yes. She's alive! She's with me! She's mine again!

"Oh, Annie."

"Finnick."

Yes. That is it. That is _exactly_ how she says my name. I am so thankful to hear it. I am so lucky to have her be here to say it to me.

"I love you."

Her smile widens and she runs her hands through my hair and then cups my face. "The birds, Finnick. The birds!"

Thank god she's talking about those wretched birds!

I stand up, bringing her up in my arms with me.

"Will you take me to the sea?"

"Soon," I promise as I can't bear to disappoint her right now.

I make for the exit but a nurse and a guard stop us. "Miss Cresta will be staying in the hospital ward tonight."

"The _hell_ she will," I say.

"She needs to be assessed."

Annie ignores the nurse. "You cursed."

I smile at her. "Yes, because I can't be without you again. Do you hear me?"

"I sent you bread," she whispers to me as if we're the only two in this hallway. "Did you know it was from me?"

My arms tighten around her in response.

"Soldier Odair?"

I pull my attention back to the guard. "Can I stay with her?"

"Yes," the nurse says, which is good because she'd have a hard time getting rid of me if she said no.

I turn around at commotion behind me. It is coming from down the hall, but I am fixated on my Annie. I want to be alone with her. I want this sheet off of her.

In the medical room, I have to let her go. I have to set her down on the bed. I have to let people look at her, touch her, assess her. It is difficult to do any of that. At some point I creep up on the bed and sit behind her while it all happens.

It helps her for me to be this close, but it also helps me because sitting this close because I can't see the entire length of her body yet. I don't want to. I know she is too thin. I can feel that much. And she doesn't smell of the sea right now.

She doesn't like the attention of the medical personnel, but I help her stop fidgeting and be still. The sooner they leave, the sooner I'll have her to myself.

We'll be alone together.

Alone.

Suddenly, I feel panicked because then I'll have to start the process of learning what she's been through. What she's endured because of me. I stall the doctors and nurse for hours, making them do everything, look at everything at least twice, sometimes three times.

"Finnick!"

My eyes slip closed. My Annie.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I just need them to make sure you're okay."

"I'll be okay. I'll be okay with you. You'll make me okay."

Her body is twisted around so she can look at me. She is so beautiful. It is easy to get lost in those eyes that have held me captive for years.

Captive.

She was held captive by the man who has lost control of me.

I take my hands and I run them through her hair. My fingers only get caught once in the tangles. I slide my hands down her back.

"I think we have all the…" the doctor begins.

"Go away now," I say in a breath.

I'm not even aware if they do as I said or if they remain in the room as I bring her closer. I wrap her up in my arms. She wraps me in hers.

I don't know how to start. I don't know what to say. I feel as though I know nothing anymore. "Oh, Annie."

She nods against my shoulder. "He hurt the birds, Finnick."

**Author's note- Reviews are awesome…**


	35. Chapter 35

**Author's note- Alright guys, I really hoped you liked the last chapter…here is the next installment. **

**Chapter 35**

I want to make love with her, but her body is frail and there is no telling how her mind is at the moment. I sleep in the same bed with her in the hospital ward. They keep her for three days and then I carry her back to my compartment.

Our new home.

When I put her down, she manages a spin. It's reminiscent of the twirls she performed as she toured her new Victor's house back in 4. But this is a sad spin. When she stops, she's looking right at me. With a step, she's placed a hand on my chest and I hold her to me with a light hand on the small of her back.

"Annie," I whisper.

"They made me eat fish and birds and things."

I know physically that would have little harmful affect on her, but psychologically, it is a very damaging form of torture for Annie.

I hate Snow.

She pulls away and moves the bed. Her fingers run over the top edge. "I could hear them scream. They made me watch it. Peeta and Johanna. I couldn't help them, so I hid inside my head," she whispers, her voice sounding ashamed.

"I told you to hide, Annebelle. You promised you would."

"Oh, I did, Finnick. I did. I hid well. You would be proud."

I want to be touching her. I feel like I need to be touching her.

"They said very bad things," she continues in her hushed voice. "Especially him. He yelled your name and said you stole her. Did you steal her?"

The pain so present in her voice cuts me like Enobaria's knife. I want to move to her but my feet won't work. "No. That's just in his head."

She blinks. "And mine."

"Yes. But it's not real. I kept him alive for her."

She sits down on the bed and draws her legs up, tucking her feet beneath her. "They did things, Finnick."

I don't want to know. With Annie, she'll either shut down or talk until it's all out. But this feels like it's too soon. I'm not sure either of us can handle it.

"I missed you," I say as I finally convince my body to move. I sit down and bring her into me. She's wonderful in my arms.

"You helped them. Peeta and his lovely bride."

"I did." I didn't want to talk about the Games. I didn't want to talk about this at all. I wanted to be silent with her.

"Cailean though you were crazy. Crazy like me."

Protectiveness surges within me and my arms tighten. "You're not crazy." Annie isn't. She is just a little off. Her mind works differently but it bothers me that other people have this view of her.

She nods against my chest and I know that my three words have made her happy. "He said you'd win. I thought you'd win too, even though I couldn't…I couldn't think about…Mags and Cecelia and Beetee and Wiress and…"

Is she going to name them all?

"But Cailean said you'd win because it was the only way back to me." I look down as she looks up, beaming at me.

"He was right. I would do anything for my girl, Annie."

Her brow wrinkles. "But you didn't win."

"I didn't lose." Except her. I lost her. She looks away. "Are you upset with me? My actions?"

"President Snow said you tossed me away because you loved the fire-girl."

"That is a _lie_." I am angry now and as a result, I shake her. It drives me insane that she is so easily swayed that my affection for her is false.

She startles and pulls away. As she stands up, I grab for her hand but miss. "Annie, I…"

She moves to the corner where she sinks down and rocks herself while humming a high-pitched sound. Her eyes are far away, so I do what I can to bring her back.

When she finally comes around, I cup her face in my hands. "I'm sorry, Annabelle. Those things upset me. I love _you_ and only you. I've only ever loved one person and it's you."

"But you risked…"

"For _you_," I cut her off. "For _us_. For everyone like us! I want to be your husband and the father of your beautiful, green-eyed children, not a _whore_!" She trembles when I say this. Very rarely have we spoken of my life of servitude and even less have we discussed it in frank terms. "I don't want to be someone so paralyzed by fear that I do nothing when my girl is threatened, when our baby is _STOLEN_! Annie, I did this for us. I didn't know they'd take you. I didn't know. I didn't _know_. I'm sorry!"

She holds my face like I hold hers and she shushes me. She quiets me. She calms me. We sit like this for a long time until she says, "I miss the sea and the sand."

"Me too."

"I want to be a fish. Will we get to go home, Finnick?"

I _love_ how she says my name. "I don't know. What happened to it? What happened to Cailean?"

She shakes her head. "You told me to hide, so I hid. He tried to find me. I heard him calling for me, but they got close and he hid too. They found me after two nights, but I never saw him again." She lets out a deep breath. "Poor Cailean."

Yes, poor Cailean.

Poor everyone in Panem.

Annie begins tugging at my clothes as she presses closer to me. I am essentially pushed to the floor on my back as she moves to sit atop me. She brings the bottom of my shirt up and I raise my back off the floor to help her remove it. I've missed this so much.

When my shirt is off, she removes her hospital issued gown and works on my pants.

We come together so naturally. Nothing's changed. Every sensation, be it physical or emotional, is right.

Until she lays her head on my chest and I bury a hand in her hair. As she nuzzles into me, she whispers, "I won't tell you everything. There are some things the birds will keep as secrets."

I don't know what to say because this could mean anything, but I know Snow and I know he'll do anything to prove his control. My mind rolls her words around and I'm convinced that he had…patrons waiting for her.

My gut hurts.

Perhaps he even made of gift of her to himself.

I nearly panic and push her off of me so that I may go and empty my stomach, but this won't help her. Just like screaming at the top of the Training Center was selfish because I left her alone to deal with the aftermath of losing our baby, leaving her now would be selfish.

"You can tell me anything," I tell her as my arms tighten around her.

She shakes her head on my chest. "The birds will keep it. I didn't kill them. I didn't kill the birds, Finnick."

I pick us up off the floor and lie down in bed, smoothing back her hair. "I know, Annie. I know you didn't."

I am tired as she drifts off to sleep, but I cannot let myself stop looking at her. What if she disappears again? I couldn't go on.

Annie is my sole reason for living and I don't want to miss one more of her breaths


	36. Chapter 36

**Author's note- Sorry for the wait guys. I wont be surprised if I lost some of you guys…..but I promise I will finish the story. So here is the next chapter. Reviews are awesome guys.**

**Chapter 36**

A few days later, I'm woken by knocking. I have not had solid sleep since Annie came home to me. Her sleep is always disturbed and I refuse to allow myself the indulgence of sedatives. My mind needs to be sharp for her.

I slip out of bed quietly because except for the steady rise and fall of her chest, Annie is still and I don't want to wake her. Padding to the door, I open it and find Katniss in the hallway. I have been so taken with Annie that I have forgotten about Katniss almost entirely.

And Johanna. I should visit her when I get the chance. She has no one else but me here.

"Katniss!"

Her eyes are wide as I make a gesture for her to enter, but she remains still. "Uh, Finnick." She points at me, but I don't understand what she's trying to tell me until I look down.

I'm naked. Right. I cover myself with my hands and then back towards the bedroom where I slip on a pair of pants and then return to my friend. She's entered the compartment and is looking blankly at the bare wall.

"How is Annie?" she asks and it thrills me to hear Annie's name.

"Brilliant!"

She shoots me a look. "Well, not…not brilliant, but…" I don't finish. I suspect Katniss is going through something similar with Peeta. Perhaps that's why she's here; for support. "How's Peeta?"

I should visit him as well. From the things Annie says, he'll need quite a bit of support himself.

Katniss fidgets as she tells me about his hands at her neck; how he's been hijacked for lack of a better term. My heart feels heavy. What she says is everything I feared for Annie before she came back. I worried that she wouldn't remember me or would hate me.

It worked out for me, but not for Katniss. Peeta's mind is not his own and now she is saying that she's leaving for a bit. She's going to two, I think. I want to talk her out of it. I want her to stay because it's the only way Peeta will get better and together, we can help our three friends heal.

I want to say that to her, but I can't. Annie begins screaming in her sleep and I'm torn between my need to comfort her and my desire to help Katniss.

"Go, Finnick. It's your Annie. It's not like…it's not like I won't be back."

Katniss promptly leaves and I slip back into bed to hold my girl.

Over the course of a week, I help Annie as best I can and I visit Johanna. She's such a strong person, but looks like a little girl who is lost. She won't accept pity, so I give her none. Instead, I fill her in on my breakdown, on the bombing, and the propos. I debrief her in a way that no one else will because they are worried about her _fragility_.

Frail and fragile. It is clear no one here knows Johanna.

I attempt to visit with Peeta, but they won't let me. Annie wants to, but I won't let her. There is no telling what could happen with two slightly insane people in a room together. There would be no balance. No anchor.

I watch on television a while later as Katniss is shot. Annie goes into hysterics and must be sedated. She spends two nights back in the hospital ward which allows me to be comforted when I see Katniss alive and well, but sedated in a bed down the hall.

All of the people I love, except for Haymitch, are in these beds, but even he is a constant in the hospital. He barely leaves. Sometimes he's so agitated, I wish they'd give him a little sedative himself. Or perhaps some of his white liquor.

Annie is allowed to leave the hospital, and once she is convinced that Katniss is alive, she is distant and mumbles about the sea and how all the beauty is lost. She says that the birds are dead and will never fly again. She talks about broken wings and wills that aren't her own.

The things she says are disturbing. I fear for what she's endured and yet am too much of a coward to ask outright.

I have not given up on her. I will never give up on her.

I take her to Special Weaponry and we spend time alone in the little meadow filled with hummingbirds and butterflies. This calms her, but she keeps asking about the sea. She wants to return and feels ill at ease here.

I take her to the room I found a little while ago. It's not the sea, but a relatively large lake. We strip down and swim. She finally laughs even though she says she misses the salt.

We race and when I catch her, I grab her around the waist and bring her to me. "I love you," I whisper against her neck.

She clings to me and tells me how much she loves me. Her legs wrap around me and I am filled with joy so intense it takes my breath away. We are free for now and I'm allowed to do what I wish with her. "Marry me, Annie."

She pulls back to look into my eyes and I see her expression. Annie already knows what it takes my soggy mind a few moments to process. Even if the rebels lose and the Capitol and Snow gain control again, we will be killed. There will be no forced servitude for us. I won't be a whore; I'll just be dead, and so will she.

It no longer matters. There are no appearances to keep up. All of Panem can know that I love this woman. All of Panem can know that I've always loved her.

Her smile tells me yes, but I want to hear it. "Will you be my wife?"

"Yes. Finnick," she says, giving me chills by the way she uses my name, "of course I'll be your wife. Will you be my husband?"

"Yes," I answer as I squeeze her to me.

"And protect all the birds?"

"Yes. I'll protect them."

We make love in the man-made lake. We make love on the grassy shores. Once we return to our quarters, we make love all night and do not sleep. I am not careful and there is a thrill of hope that perhaps I can be a husband _and_ a father now.

I tell Johanna and Haymitch as soon as I can. Johanna is happy for us, although there is that familiar glint of sadness in her eyes because what I have now was stolen from her. Haymitch is very happy for us in his subdued way.

"Tell Plutarch," I say because I dislike talking to the former Gamemaker. "I want it to be a show. As much glitz and glamour as we can manage. I want all of Panem to know I love her. I want everyone to see it. I want Snow to know that he's only made us stronger."

I spend every moment of the next few days holed up in my quarters with Annie. She dances because she's happy and I dance with her.


	37. Chapter 37

**Authors note- Hey guys : ) we are getting really close to the end. I hope you guys like this chapter, and PLEASE REVIEW : ) **

**Chapter 37**

"I have new scars," she says absently. The words are jarring because we are working together to weave the grass net that will cover us during the ceremony. We had just been speaking of happy things and now we are speaking about scars from the Capitol.

I close my eyes and I nod. "I know. I've seen them," I gently remind her. She has a few raised lines on her shoulders, a few on her wrist and several on her torso. I look at her again.

"But they're nothing compared to Johanna and Peeta's."

I don't want to talk about this now, so I try to shift the topic. "Johanna's well enough to come to the wedding. Isn't that…"

"They used water with her."

My mouth shuts and my hands still. "You watched?"

"I had to. Snow is…he knows what will hurt the most. They killed animals and hurt my friends and told me you didn't love me."

I gathered her into my arms and the net slid down to the ground. "But I do love you. You know I do."

With a sad smile, she acknowledges that she does know this simple fact. "I'm going to see Peeta soon. I still hear him in my head." Annie raises her hands and covers her ears. The far-off look clouds her eyes and then she comes back to me on her own. "The truth is in him."

She moves off of me and picks up the netting again. We weave until she says my name in that beautiful way of hers. "Will you do that thing?"

I smile because I know what things she's talking about. "What thing?"

A blush graces her cheeks. "You know," she whispers.

I am filled with love for her. She likes it when I bury my head down low and so I spend have the night kissing her in tender places.

I could stay with her like that forever, but there are things to do. There is an old wedding song from District 4 and Annie and I are the only two people in 13 who know it. Annie's mind is preoccupied and she can't seem to get the lyrics right, so it is up to me to teach the children of 13 how to sing it.

I'm very aware as she stops everything and simply watches me with the kids. I am very patient with them as they botch the song over and over again. It's actually very heartwarming because these children have never had a reason to celebrate, so they are all very excited and willing to please.

At the end of the day, my Annie comes to me. I know she wants to talk about being parents. I know she wants to lament the child who was stolen from her womb. I know she wants to hope for the future, but she says nothing. Instead, she rises up on her toes and kisses my cheek.

When it is finally the day of the wedding, I feel nervous, like at any moment Snow is going to show up and take it all away.

But he doesn't. The ceremony was beautiful, although I wish it was performed at the beach. The salt water is made, not scooped from the sea with a shell. The decorations are seasonal to District 13, not sand, shells, and palm leaves. It is not my most trusted family member who conducts the wedding.

All of those things remind me that we are not at home, but it is the taste of Annie's lips upon mine that remind me that my home is anywhere she is. I have waited so long to be able to share my love for her with the world. Now everyone knows.

Now, she is my wife and she looks so lovely in that green dress.

Tears sting my eyes, but the cameras are rolling. At some point it will be turned into a propo and Snow will see that we've defied him with our marriage, but I can't bring myself to show absolutely everything I feel.

I'll save that for tonight when my Annie and I are alone.

In olden times in District 4, it is customary for the new bride and groom to take to the water if they have or can afford a boat. Since Peacekeepers were mandated to accompany all sea vessels, the practice shifted to the couple spending the night in a grass woven hut on the beach.

There is no beach here, but President Coin has given permission for us to spend the night in the room that houses the lake. I look forward to being near the water with Annie again. With my new wife.

The thought and the term warms my body and I feel like everything will be okay. I have pledged my life to her and she to me. All of Panem will soon know that I am not a district slave anymore. I belong to someone. I am her husband now.

There is dancing after the ceremony and this pleases my Annie. Her face is bright, her eyes alight with happiness. It's good to see people celebrate. It's good to see that even Katniss is dancing. Annie and I share a slow dance, filled with twirls and dips, and many, many kisses on her neck and collarbone.

I dance with Johanna, who seems to cling to me. There is wetness where her face is pressed to my chest, but I say nothing. She knows I know that she's crying and I know that she wouldn't want it pointed out. When the dance is over, she cups my face and says, "You deserve this," but I see such pain in her eyes. I know she's thinking about the way this was stolen from her. I know she thinks it'll never happen for her, especially since she never allows herself to feel much for anyone.

I want to say something to her to make it better, to give her hope, but a giant cake is brought in and Johanna turns her attention to it.

It is beautiful. It's the exact color of the ocean and is decorated with a seascape that brings Annie to tears. She wants to go home and my heart breaks just a little with her thin finger touches a green frosted bird that is flying above the green-blue sea.

"The birds," she whispers and I turn her towards me and kiss the tears away.

"I know you didn't hurt them."

She shakes her head and a small smile forms. "One day they'll all be free."


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

There is talk about making a raid in the Capitol. Everyone is training for it. I have no real intention of going, even if I'm asked. My Annie is more important and I will not risk hurting her by leaving again.

I go to training anyway because it feels good to use my body. And I have to admit that sometimes it's nice to be away from my wife. Annie is incredibly happy nowadays, but she still can be a bit much and stepping away for an hour or two is enough to relax my mind and rejuvenate my patience.

I hate thinking like that. I never want to be away from her. I want to touch her all the time but there are times when I need to sort things out and while I want silence, she wants to talk. Other times, I want to talk, but she's far away in her mind, her hands covering her ears. Sometimes we spend hours and hours going over our memories because she's not sure if they really happened or not. She asks about her Games, about the green bread, about the broken sea shells, about Bounty, about her father, about her mother. She asks me if I love Johanna more than her. She asks me if I'm planning on being with Katniss when I bore of her.

I hate that she has to ask, but I remind her that she's the only one for me. I remind her that I've been exposed to every kind of person and out of everyone in this great big world, I chose her to be with. I remind her that I choose her every day. I remind her that I would rather die than see her hurt. I remind her that we share a heart and that if I were ever to do anything to hurt her, I would surely die.

So far I like being married to Annie. I like thinking that I'm hers and that she's mine and that we belong to no one else but each other.

We try to walk the hallways daily. I wish they'd let us out because Annie doesn't like being underground. They were kept in an underground prison and while she refuses to tell me much more than she already has, I hear her mumbling. Sometimes District 13 reminds her of the cell.

She screams at night and only stops when my arms encompass her and my words console her. I try to keep a constant hand on her somewhere. She likes it and I need it. It gives me reassurance that she's really here with me. It helps me remember that we're actually together. And it gives her peace.

She constantly says my name the way I like it. I don't think it's normal for people to say each other's names as much as we do, but I love saying Annie and I adore drawing out Annabelle. My name from her lips is enough to make me melt like a cube of sugar.

We visit with the others most days. Annie likes the interaction, even though she interacts very little. She likes hearing me talk and I love talking about our beautiful life together.

Today we're sharing a meal with Gale, Katniss, Delly, and Johanna. I tell them about the time the sea turtle stole the hat Mags made for me. It was a really funny story because who would have thought a turtle would want a hat and that it'd get so close to actually snatch it off of my head.

Annie's hand gives mine a squeeze and I think it's because she approves of the story, but then I look up and see Peeta in manacles holding his lunch tray. He asks to sit down and I tense up for Katniss. Things have not been easy, but it's not entirely Peeta's fault. I know what the Capitol is capable of and I know that his mind has been taken by Snow and his sheep. I know that it will take a lot of effort to get it back and that he may never be the old Peeta ever again.

Annie talks about him and Johanna; about hearing their screams, seeing what was done to them, about what they said. She says that Peeta said horrible things after a while. She worries for him and wants to be his friend, but doesn't know how since the Capitol made him a frightening person to be around. There is more she wants to say about him, but she holds back.

Johanna is the one to respond to Peeta's inquire about sitting with us. "Sure he can sit here. We're old friends. Peeta and I had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We're very familiar with each other's screams."

Annie reacts instantly. She's transported away from me and I hate it. Her hands cover her ears as her eyes glaze and her head tilts to one side. I give Johanna a dirty look because she knows better. Most of the time I like her 'tell it like it is' attitude, but she needs to be more sensitive. Doesn't she know how things like that affect my wife?

Johanna explains something about her doctor and therapy while I wrap my arms around Annie's waist and pull her to me. I whisper in her ear about the beach and the sea. I tell her that as soon as I can, I'm taking her home and we're going to race to the pier. I tell her to remember good things like green bread and picnic dinners on the beach. I tell her that I love her more than anything in the world and that I would never let anyone hurt her ever again. I tell her that the sand pipers are running up and down the shore, that the coquinas are still burrowing into the sand and that soon she'll see them again. I ask her if she can smell the salt air and feel the sun beat down on her.

She smiles gently and her hands fall down into her lap.

I'm no longer hungry, so I keep one arm wrapped around her waist and the other hand covering hers.

Annie's condition makes other people uncomfortable and with Peeta at the table, there's no chance for anyone to feel relaxed. Delly asks, "Annie, did you know it was Peeta who decorated your wedding cake? Back home, his family ran the bakery and he did all the icing."

My wife turns her head to finally look at him straight-on. "Thank you, Peeta," she says, her voice soft and smooth. "It was beautiful."

I watch him as he reacts to her words and instantly his face softens. I take in Johanna who is steadfastly staring at her stew, biting her lower lip. "My pleasure, Annie."

I don't understand what it is about those three words that make my stomach clench. He says her name so gently, like he knows she can't tolerate anything else. Was it the way their eyes connected that makes me…what? What does it make me? Jealous? Why won't Johanna look up?

Suddenly, I'm struck with the realization that I know _nothing_ about what happened in the Capitol. I know _nothing_ about what these three went through together and I know _nothing_ about what's passing between them right now.

I _hate_ this feeling.

I'm angry that I feel so clueless. Annie will tell me no more because she says it'll upset me. I hate being kept in the dark, but I cannot force her. Other people might employ the use of guilt to manipulate her into giving up the information, but I know that may break her or at the very least, cripple her further.

I struggle to keep my voice light as I give her hands a squeeze and gently tickle her side to get her to stop looking at him. "If we're going to fit in that walk, we better go." I stand and bring her with me, my arm still wrapped around her waist. It is half to let her know that I need her to be this close to me and half possession because I want him to know she's mine and I don't like feeling this way. I hate not understanding what's just happened. With trays in one hand, I give Peeta a distrustful smile, but say, "Good seeing you, Peeta."

"You be nice to her, Finnick." My arm tightens around her waist. "Or I might try and take her away from you." I grit my teeth and look at Annie, but she's staring at the old man by the door. I don't know if her mind is even with us in this moment.

I don't know how to take his words. I don't know how to take him. I feel confused, but he is just a boy who has been horribly tortured at the hands of the Capitol, so I smile and shake my head. "Oh, Peeta," I begin, manufacturing my voice to hold no contempt. "Don't make me sorry I restarted your heart."

Because I could stop it again in an instant.


	39. Chapter 39

**Author's note- I wanted to wait until I got a lot of reviews on the last chapter to upload this chapter onto the site, but I couldn't wait. This was the easiest and hardest chapter to write in the entire story and because of this I will not update the next chapter until I have a lot of feedback(because this chapter is a critical moment in the story and because it took me the longest to complete). I will not count any reviews that just say update…because those have seriously started to irritate me. Once I get 15 solid reviews(all different people), I will update the next chapter. **

**We are nearing the end to the story, there are only a few chapters left and then and epilogue. **

**Please enjoy the chapter….**

**Chapter 39**

We're in command and we're being shown a holographic image of a Capitol block. Katniss and Gale are with me on Bogg's squad. I never had any intention of leaving Annie, but now I'm on the squad and I want to go. I know that Katniss is only going for one reason and that is to kill Snow. It's not hard to figure out her motivation, especially since I have the same thoughts. She has the same look in her eyes that I see in mine when I look in the mirror.

The block is set up like an arena and both Katniss and I are the only ones to catch it. It would be hard for us not to look at it like that. It's the seventy-sixth Hunger Games and Snow will be a participant. I look forward to burying my trident in his gut and when he's down, writhing on the ground, I'll use my knife. I'll make sure he knows that he has no power anymore.

After the debriefing, Katniss and I mill around the hallway. "What will I tell Annie?" I ask, more to myself than to her.

She tells me that I shouldn't say anything. She says she won't be telling her family about it. She'll just go.

I start to ask about Annie seeing the holograph because while Annie's a little unstable and a slightly mad, she's not stupid and she's participated in a Games just like we have. She'll know what it is.

Katniss cuts me off and says she'd never see it and then asks if I want to go. I answer her honestly. "Of course. I want to destroy Snow as much as you do." As much as I respect Katniss's fire and will to inflict harm on the President, she wasn't a forced whore for nearly half her life. She didn't have a baby taken from her. She didn't have to make the choices I have. Her family is still alive.

Haymitch tells us Johanna is back in the hospital. I go straight away to see her. I tell her about the mission and ask her what I should do with Annie because I feel wrong keeping things from her. Johanna, who is in a state of sedated calm, takes my hand and rubs her cheek against it.

"Annie's strong, but if you go and you don't tell her, it'll crush her. We all heard each other, Finnick. Peeta and I heard each other and we heard Annie in her cell. Even when they weren't hurting her, she cried for you. Even in her restless sleep, she wept at not being in your arms. You can't just leave."

My heart breaks and I feel frozen. "I shouldn't go. I should stay?"

Johanna shakes her head. "You have to go. You and Katniss are the only two on that mission that truly know Snow. Know what he's capable of. You are the only ones who have the scars on your mind and soul, but you have to be honest with her. If you don't come back and you didn't say goodbye, there's no hope to keep her sane."

I feel panicked when I return to the compartment I share with my beautiful wife. I sit on the bed and watch her almost dance around in the small space. She's not doing anything more than transporting objects from one side to the other for no discernable reason, but she's smiling and singing and laughing. Her beauty makes me want to cry.

I don't want to leave her, but I cannot stay. This is my chance to make it all right again. She'll be proud of me when I tell her I've killed the man who has hurt us in so many ways. It'll be like when I killed Bounty. She'll know that she's safe with me. She'll know that no matter what I'll do anything to protect her.

I have to tell her. "Annie?"

She stops and smiles at me. "Yes, Finnick?"

Oh, how I love her saying my name.

"Will you come sit with me?"

"Aren't we going for a walk?"

I swallow hard, but try to remain calm. "Perhaps after a bit. Will you sit with me?"

When she is nestled in my arms, I bury my nose in her hair and try to imagine that it smells like the sea instead of the neutral soap we get in District 13. I take my time in telling her until I cannot wait any longer. "They're forming squads to invade the Capitol."

She stills in my lap and my stomach knots.

"The plan is solid, it began with…"

She covers her ears and lets out a high pitched noise. Her body is slack and I hate every second of this.

"…securing the railways. We've accomplished that and now we're…"

Her body shakes and I tighten my arms around her.

"…going in to finish it."

She's lost to me now, so I wait and use gentle words and tender touches to draw her back to me. I lower her hands for her, so she can hear me better. "Annie, I love you. We're fish together, remember? Don't go away from me."

She's out of my arms. "_You_ don't go away from _me._" I look at her and find that her eyes are completely clear. She looks saner than ever before and her awareness frightens me a little. "They don't need you, Finnick. _I_ do."

"Annie, I have to go."

She shakes her head and moves to the wall where she places her forehead against it, her palms flat. "Finnicks stays because he's finished leaving his Annie behind."

"I can kill him," I whisper as I move to her.

"It'll be like before. All the birds will die! They'll all die but not before their wings are clipped and their beaks torn off! Their little legs…" she doesn't finish, she just presses into the wall and hums.

I hold her shoulders and she shivers. "The birds will be fine." I can't tell her that the mission is similar to an arena.

"You'll be captured. They'll take me away. They'll do horrible things. He'll kill the baby again."

What? "What?"

Baby? "Baby?"

Slowly, she turns to me, taking my hand and pressing it to her lower abdomen.

Oh, God, there's no air in this room anymore! Now I _have_ to go because Annie's pregnant and if the rebels lose _everything_ in my world will be lost again and I cannot handle that.

Bringing her into my arms, I run my hands through her hair and closed my eyes. One day she will be in the sea and teach our baby how to swim. One day they will collect sea weed together before releasing all the fish I catch. I can't wait for that day.

I tell her about those thoughts. I tell her how happy I am that she's pregnant.

And then I tell her that I need to go on this mission; that I need to do it for us, for the baby. "Let me do this, Annie. Let me make Panem safe for you and the baby and everyone else. Let me make things right. I can't…" I lose my focus because I get a visual of a child that looks like a good mix of us both is scooped up by the metal claw in a vicious arena. The image shifts and I'm watching that same child kill other children and my stomach churns.

"I can help, Annie, and I _have _to do this. I've done nothing for far too long."

"But Finnick…"

I kiss her words away. "I'll come back to you and when I do, we'll be free to go home. _Home_. The sea and the beach and the birds and the turtles. I won't be forced to leave ever again. Don't you see? I haven't ever gotten to make the choice to leave. I've always been forced. Snow has always held my love for you over my head, but I have the chance to end that. I have a chance to really belong to myself now, to belong to _you_. Please, Annie, please let me help end this war and end Snow's assault on us. I can't…I can't take it anymore. The baby will never be ours until _he's_ dead."

She's looking straight into my eyes and for the first time in a long time, her eyes looked clear. She was _really_ looking at me. She was here, in this moment, with me, considering everything that I'd just said to her.

"You'll come back to me and we'll go home?"

I hugged her to me again. "Yes. And we'll be a family."

I could feel her expression lift as she let out a deep breath against my neck. "Family."

**Authors note- Leave reviews…I will not update until I have 15 solid reviews for this chapter.**


	40. Chapter 40

**Author's note- Thanks for all the reviews guys. I really appreciate it. There are only 2 chapters left and then and epilogue. Once again I am going to say that I will not update until I have fifteen solid reviews. I hope you guys really like the chapter. **

**Chapter 40**

The only person I tell about the baby is Haymitch and I don't so much tell him as I lead him to the conclusion.

"Can I count on you to take care of her?"

Haymitch's expression has rarely been this serious as he says, "Of course I will, son."

I clap a hand on his shoulder and nod. "When she checks out and doesn't respond, tell her I love her and that the proof is inside her."

It takes him a second, but the connection is made. "What? She's…"

I nod. "Yes."

"You don't have to go, you know."

"Yes. I do have to go. For her. For all of us."

Later we're told that we won't be fighting on the front lines, which infuriates everyone on the squad, but one look at Katniss calms me. I know that behind those hard eyes is a plan to take off and confront Snow. I'll be with her.

I spend as much time as possible with Annie, kissing her lips, kissing her belly, kissing every inch of her and lingering on the places that make beautiful sounds escape her lips. She checks out of reality more and more, but I always bring her back.

Until the morning I have to board a hovercraft and leave her behind. We make love until I have to get out of bed. I have to lift her out because she won't move. We shower together and she won't look at me. She says nothing and it's so concerning I ask her about the birds.

Still, she's silent.

I dress her and then myself and sit her down in a chair. "I'm doing this for us, you know? That baby needs to live in a world where people are free. I have to help. Katniss is going to…"

There's no point in continuing because Annie is someplace else, hidden away in her mind in a place where I'm not leaving and we're in the water being fish.

"Haymitch will watch over you. You go to him if you need something. You have to remember to eat. The baby needs you to eat." At this, she looks at me. "If you're scared of something, hide." I cup her face and smile. "But not so well that our friends can't find you."

I kiss her. "I love you," I say as I pull away and then go in for another kiss. I wish she'd hold me but her arms are slack, so I move them around me myself. "I love you."

Tears trail down her cheeks and kiss them, tasting the salt in them, remember our wedding, our days in the water, the way I fell in love with her. "I'll always be with you, Annie. Always."

She takes a deep breath in. "Do you remember the green birds? Do you remember how they flew away?"

I am so thrilled that she's speaking that I find I've lost my voice, so I nod in answer.

"One went left and the other straight out into the ocean."

I know that if I think hard, I can decipher her meaning. I hope she'll tell me, but all she says is, "I'll wait for you on the shore, Finnick." I _love_ how she says my name. I can't stop her tears as I feel my own starting to fall. "You'll find me, like always, and we'll be happy."

"We'll be fish," I whisper before kissing her again and again.

It hurts to leave her. I literally feel my heart ache just as my whole body does. Once I've reached the door, I pause but don't turn around right away. "Haymitch will be by soon to take you to eat. I'll think of you every day, Annie. Will you think of me too?"

Her silence forces me to look at her. Her legs are drawn up and her arms are wrapped around them. She's staring at me, but her eyes are distant, her lips slightly parted. "Tell me you love me, Annie."

"I love you, Finnick," she complies, but the distance in her eyes is still present.

"I'll always come back to you," I say before I force myself to leave. I feel sick. My legs are heavy and I lean against the hallway wall for support, but I press on until I get to the elevator. Sagging to the floor, I let myself weep for a solid five minutes. Then I pick myself up, wipe the tears away and then brace myself.

I am a soldier. I am Soldier Odair. I have one mission.

Save Annie. Save the baby. Save myself.

It can only be accomplished by one thing.

Killing President Coriolanus Snow

**Author's note- Review guys. I will not update until I have 15.**


	41. Chapter 41

**Author's Note- Thank you for all of the reviews. I am sorry that I did not update right away when I saw that the goal had been met but I was not on my home computer and therefore couldn't upload my next chapter. After this chapter I still have one more chapter and then an epilogue. I have decided to keep my 15 reviews goal requirement for the next chapter to be uploaded. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter.**

**Chapter 41**

We weren't very long into our mission that was more of a photo shoot than an actual strategic military operation when we lost our first person. One of the Leegs was killed and President Coin sent in Peeta to replace her. It is obvious to me now that Coin is no more than a subtler version of Snow.

Peeta brings tension to our squad, but as Boggs and Katniss talk a walk, it becomes clear that it is _both_ Peeta and Katniss that makes everyone stressed. He's been tortured and no one is sure of him, but Katniss isn't helping the situation and is coming off cold and angry towards him. I understand why she's being the way she's being. She's protecting herself, but the others think she should be helping him if she truly loves Peeta.

I have one of the first watches of the night, making sure he doesn't go mad and start hacking up Katniss and the rest of us. He doesn't sleep though. He fidgets and his expression shifts from neutral, to pleasant, to hostile all without saying a word.

"What's going on inside your head?" I ask directly because he's not like Annie. He won't appreciate beating around the bush.

It takes a while, but he finally answers. "Nothing good. I can't seem to…Every time I try to…"

I watch as his hands clench and relax, clench and relax. There're a number of things I want to ask him, but I don't want to upset him.

"Every time I think I've figured it out, something else pops in my head and I start all over again."

I pull the length of rope out of my pocket where it's been since Annie's returned. I don't use it anymore. I don't need it, but it's difficult to be without it. Still, I get up and hold it out to him. Hesitantly, he takes it, running it through his fingers. For a while he just looks at it and then he looks up at me. "I don't get it."

I move to sit next to him, aware that agitation is present in his whole body. I take the rope back and tie a simple Figure Eight knot. "When Annie was away, I used this to calm myself. We tie a lot of knots in District 4."

"Because of the fishing, right?"

"That's right. So I tied and untied, tied and untied to give myself something to focus on. It helped clarify things for me. When the bombs when off in 13, right after you were hurt and she watched it, Katniss began to use it too."

His eyes narrow, but I don't comment. I just untie the knot and begin to slowly show him some of the others. I don't use my voice to instruct, just my hands. I am just barely able to make a Turk's Head knot with the short length and then untie it all.

"She seems so mean."

I sigh. "She doesn't like to hurt."

"She wasn't captured by the Capitol," he responds. "I was hurt."

"You were hurt to hurt her, just like Annie was taken and hurt to make me hurt."

I hand him back the rope and he just holds it. "She's brave, you know."

"Who?"

"Annie."

My breath catches because while I'm proud of her being brave, it's painful to think why she had to be. "She won't tell me."

"Because you won't want to know once you're told."

He's right, but it still eats a hole right through me. Soon it was my turn to sleep, so I head off to my bag and snuggle down into it, wishing Annie's warm body was next to me. I'd put my hand over her belly and imagine what our baby looked like inside of her.

I can hear Peeta and Katniss talking. I don't want to listen because they have personal things to talk about. I wouldn't want people listening to my conversation with Annie. But I can tell I'm not the only one listening.

When he says, "The problem is, I can't tell what's real anymore, and what's made up," I have to speak up because I feel like I might be the only person who can help him with that. Annie has the same issues.

"Then you should ask, Peeta. That's what Annie does."

He asks who he can trust and Jackson says the he can trust us. Katniss fills him in on a few small things, but then goes to bed.

In the morning we shoot at things for the camera. When we get back, the rest of the squad is helping Peeta figure things out. Later, he asks me about the Games and about Annie. I don't really like that he asks about Annie, but he does, and I answer truthfully. Mainly it's about why she is the way she is. And it's only a few questions. The rest are about him hiding in the mud, almost eating the berries, his heart stopping, me saving him, Mags dying, Beetee's wire.

The first real action we see isn't supposed to be much action at all, just a simple shoot for the new propos. We're supposed to take over residential block and everything seems easy, boring really, until Boggs steps on a trigger that activates a bomb.

He loses his legs and suddenly, we're not play acting anymore. It's chaos. Boggs dies, the Holo is transferred to Katniss. There is some dissention, but I'm ready for everyone to accept the new mission of killing Snow. I've been wondering how long Katniss was going to keep it to herself and when Gale was going to leak the information I knew he'd guessed.

I take care of Peeta as best I can in the chaos. He turned on Katniss and caused another soldier to die. There's gaseous, oily matter that's meant to kill us, so I make sure he's got his mask on when he was knocked unconscious. When we find an apartment to hunker down in, the television comes on to reveal to all of Panem that we're dead.

I hope Annie is not watching because this will kill her. I'm worried about the baby. Too much stress would…

I change thoughts. This won't help the situation here.

Peeta, awake now, tells us that we need to kill him. He's shamed about Mitchell, but I tell him it's not his fault. No one really knows what to do, but no one beyond Gale is ready to put a bullet in Peeta's skull.

We have to keep going though, so we push on. It won't be long before Snow discovers that we didn't perish in the fire.

As we head underground, I think of Annie back in 13. I think of taking her away from there, from underground. I think about taking her back to where the light makes her skin sparkle. Annie and I in the water. Annie spilling my bowl of fish. Annie bringing me green bread. Making love to her on the beach. Annie giving birth. My baby, my child, my darling little being playing with us.

We'll be school of fish.

I'm a participant in this mission, but my mind is elsewhere. I don't have to pay attention as my body has been trained to do what it needs to do to survive. I run, climb, crawl, watch out for others, even speak to others, all without my active mind being involved. Thoughts of Annie are everywhere.

I want her. I need her. She is why I'm here.

There are things hissing Katniss's name.

Oh, God, we're running, we're trying to get away from horrible Capitol-made creatures. They stink. My stomach has a sinking feeling because I know what the Capitol can create. Katniss, Peeta and Gale are ahead of me.

Katniss, Peeta, and Gale.

I need to get back to Annie, so I hurry along. I need to protect the others, so I linger behind.

They're climbing up now. Here's the chance to get away. I breathe easier when I see them all disappear and I jump onto the ladder.

A mutt jumps onto my back.

I struggle to go on. My muscles are strained as I try to climb, but one is hanging on my back and two are ripping at my legs. My head is pulled back.

Everything happens slowly. I feel everything and yet there is no real pain associated with it.

I think of Annie. Remembering Annie silences it all.

We are fish racing to the pier.

Annie.

There's a light shining and someone screaming my name, but I am only really aware of Annie's hands soothing me. I can hear her call me.

"Finnick!"

She says it the same way as she always does, just like she hasn't seen me in forever, as if I'm the best thing in the world.

I've always loved the way she says my name.

"Finnick!"

Green bread descends to me. It smells of home. Of Annie.

I see every expression she's ever wore. I hear her laugh and I see her mind drift away. I can feel my breath as it presses against her cheek and bounces back to me.

I call her to me.

She tells me she's pregnant.

I taste her tears.

And then I can feel again. Searing, ripping, tearing pain at my neck, warm, oozing of my guts as they spill out.

"Nightlock, nightlock, nightlock."

Bright, warm comfort wraps around me like Annie's arms as we lay in the sand.

Peace.

Green sea eyes.

Darkness.

Beautifully long hair.

Love.

Annabelle.

Quiet.

My Annie.

Nothing.

**Author's note- Alright, I bet some of you are seriously mad at me for sticking to the plot in the book but I promise I had my reasons and will give them at the end of the epilogue. Please leave a review. **


	42. Chapter 42

**Author's note- Alright guys, this is officially the last chapter of my fanfiction. I had a hard time deciding whose point of view to write this chapter in but I think it turned out rather interesting. Once again the 15 review rule will get the next (and last) update to this story. I know some of you do not like this rule, but if you could see the count of how many people read this story and do not leave a comment you would be frustrated as well. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter. **

**Chapter 42**

I can't tell how long we've been occupying the Capitol. I've been in the hospital for quite a while, but as the execution of Snow draws near, they've moved me to a room in his mansion. All of the other remaining Victors who could be found were brought in.

Katniss is somewhere around. She finds small spaces to burrow, but I haven't seen her.

I haven't seen many people, actually.

I take to roaming the halls at night. It helps me clear my head when I cannot sleep. I'm mostly better now, but there are still moments in which I have flashes of shiny, manufactured memories. They take me by surprise and leave me dazed for a long time.

Tonight I'm strolling through a part of the mansion I've never been in before. My new skin is tight as I turn my head every now and then to take a look at the art on the wall. I feel sick being here. I imagine we all do.

Johanna is still struggling with what they did to her and as far as I can tell, Annie is despondent at not only being in the Capitol where so much horror was thrust upon her, but also being in the city where her husband died.

Most of my thoughts are my own again and I can see Finnick clearly now. I am sorry that he died, not because of any affection I felt for him but because of Annie.

Many things happened in the weeks we were held after the Quarter Quell. Annie hadn't participated in the Games that year, but she was treated the same as we were. She was hurt and she was forced to comply with things never meant to happen. We were…

My hands curl until the new skin almost breaks.

Of everyone, I fear the most for her. I've come to understand her mind better now that I know her; now that I have some similar mental issues. Katniss and Johanna are strong enough to go on. Neither of them needs another, but both Annie and I need someone so much it hurts.

I will be able to go back to 12 or wherever Katniss goes and try to move on with her in my life, in whatever capacity we can manage, but Annie is now alone and to feel that must be devastating. She and Finnick loved so much that they gave themselves to each other.

And she's pregnant too.

At a sound, I stop and spin around. The subject of my thoughts comes dashing through the dark, empty space of the hallway. She's naked and her hair is in tangles. Fear seizes me because I'm not ever sure how I'll react.

"Annie?"

"Where's the water?"

"The water?"

"Yes! He's a fish. How can we be fish without water?"

She stops in front of me and I place gentle hands on her shoulders. I wish I had something to cover her goose-bumped flesh, but I don't. She searches my eyes as I struggle to find something to say. I should lead her back to her room except I don't know where it is and I doubt she'd let me.

"He's a fish and sometimes he swims away, but he always comes back. You'll help me find him?"

"I don't think…"

"He's hiding! He's lost and I need to find him! He helped you when you needed it, Peeta. Please, help me."

My fingers tighten on her shoulders. I want her to actually hear and understand what I'm saying. "I saw it, Annie. I saw what happened."

I feel shaky and unstable. I feel unable to handle this at all. She's upset and her hands are fisted in my shirt.

"You're lying! Finnick!" she cries, calling for him. "Finnick!"

Unbidden, flashes of the bright memory assault me. I see Finnick and Katniss doing…doing things I don't want them to do and then the brightness fades and I see stone walls and hear Annie weeping as she…as I…and with…

I let go of her because I cannot deal with this. I cannot help her at all because my own mind is so muddled. I run back to my room and bury myself in my covers. "Real or not real? Real or not real?" I ask over and over to no one.

For hours I cower and huddle until I've worked it all out and things are tidy again. I go back to look for her, but she's gone. No one has seen her.

"No one but Finnick would be able to find her," my old mentor tells me. "Don't worry. She'll come out."

She does come out, but not until everyone else has retired to their rooms. Tonight she's wearing a simple white gown. I don't know where she's found it. Everyone else is in gray rebel uniforms as Coin has dictated. I wonder if when we're allowed to go back to our home districts, if we'll be allowed to live as we once did or if Coin will just assume a natural role of oppressor as Snow did.

"Annie!" I whisper. My feet stop as hers race. She's so lithe, so graceful that it hardly looks as though she is running at all. She looks like she's gliding, the way water birds do when they swoop down onto the waves.

Katniss and I watched the birds of 4 on our Victory Tour.

She clutches at my hand. "They're going to kill him!"

"Who?" The only person I can think of is the president so I ask, "Snow? I know. Katniss is…"

"We're doing everything they would do. Finnick wouldn't want this. Finnick would _hate_ this."

I don't know if she accepts that Finnick was killed tonight, but I don't want to ask in fear of another episode like last night. If she's talking about how Coin is handling this "victory," I agree. The new leader is nothing more than another version of Snow.

She's tugging my arm and I'm at her will to follow. She leads me down and around and then upstairs and then back down an elevator, all to avoid rebel guards. We're supposed to be in our rooms. Annie pulls me into a grand dining room. I've been here before. Katniss and I have eaten here with Snow.

She pushes me into a chair and then sits down several spots away. "Johanna was there." She points to a spot close to her. "This is where he poisoned the baby."

I feel confused because I didn't think there was a way that Snow could have her poisoned now that he's under guard, and I haven't heard that anything like that had happened. She doesn't expand as we sit there. She sort of just zones out and while she does, I think about what's going to happen after Snow is dead.

For the rest of the night, we quietly explore the mansion. In the morning, Haymitch somehow finds us in a room of bathtubs. None of the tubs were connected to water, but Annie still convinces me to pretend to be a fish.

He takes her back to her room so that she can don the gray rebel uniform and I go back to my room in order to freshen up. It is only moments later that we're called to meet with Coin. She wants us to vote on holding more Hunger Games. Of course I say no. Annie says no and that Finnick would've as well.

Johanna harshly reminds her that the Capitol killed Finnick. Annie places her hands over her ears and hums. Enobaria, Johanna, Haymitch, and Katniss all agree to hold the Games.

I don't even know who Katniss is anymore.

After she kills Coin instead of Snow, she tries to kill herself and I feel as though nothing I've ever known is right.

They hold Katniss in the Training Center until her trial. During that time, I see a doctor for my mind and am later allowed to accompany Annie and her doctor to District 4. She cries a lot for Finnick, but she shows me all of the places they both loved. It helps me put things right in my head. Finnick loved Annie, _not_ Katniss.

Annie loves Finnick, _not_ me.

Before I leave her behind, I ask her if she's going to be okay. She has a baby coming and I worry for them both. She smiles at me and says, "Finnick will come back to us now that we're by the water. He'll find us here."

I remind her that I understand what she's going through and that I can come back whenever she needs. Annie feels like a project to me and having a project will keep me busy.

When I return to the Capitol, Haymitch and Katniss are already gone, but I'm not allowed to leave. Everyone fears what has been done to me and I dream up elaborate ways to escape, but in the end, I simply work hard to overcome what has been done.

And then I go home.

**Author's note- Hope everyone enjoyed the last chapter. Fifteen reviews will get you the epilogue faster. So review and thank you for reading my story.**


	43. Chapter 43

**Author's note- So the story is finally finished. I am happy that I can say that I finished it and didn't leave it unfinished. Thank you to everyone who read my story and even more thanks to all of you who left reviews. They were very encouraging. I will not be writing anymore stories for the Hunger Games because I have gotten rather sick of the sories(besides finnick I didn't have to much interest in the books). I will be starting a huge project on a Harry Potter fanfiction. Hope all of you guys like the epilogue. **

**Epilogue**

Peeta has come to visit us. Peeta comes to visit us often. I think he likes him. He likes Nick.

I like seeing Peeta. He reminds me of things I'm better off not forgetting. He plays in the sand with my son. He tries to fish with Cailean, but my little Nick releases everything they catch.

Cailean came back. He didn't eat the hooks of the Capitol and he swam back. Someone clipped one of his wings and now he only has one that works. Like Mags.

Nick is five now and tries to go too far in the water, so as I sit, burying my feet in the sand, I yell for my son. Every time I say his name, I whisper, "Fin," so when I add the louder "Nick!" I say "FinNICK!"

It's a simple thing to do, but I love it.

The birds fly all around us and I know it's because of Finnick. Finnick is somewhere saving them. He brings them back to life and delivers them to me.

Cailean helps me care for Nick and helps me stay focused on the good, the light that shines down. I am able to be a fish again.

Peeta comes up to sit next to me. My son has worn him out. I wonder how long it will be before he has a child of his own.

Something soft and tender passes between us. I like it, but we don't speak of it. Neither of us want to think about what the Capitol did years ago, but neither of us can deny it.

Peeta loves Katniss. I am in love with Finnick. Cailean is my friend. I like smiling at him because he smiles back. He isn't Finnick. He doesn't know about the green bread or the birds.

"There he goes again," says Peeta.

I stand up and watch the red flash of hair, the bronze skin, and the deep green eyes race past. He is so fast and if I don't catch him quick, he'll hide down at the pier for hours. "Fin," I breathe, "Nick!"

I love the way his name sounds.

I say it as much as I can.

*F*I*N*N*I*C*K*

Fin(Nick)

**Author's note- Thanks for reading my story. **


	44. Chapter 44

Hey guys,

So I have decided to change the rating. Mostly because I just went over the entire story again and I honestly do not feel this rating fits what I had written.

Nothing in the story has been changed.

-L


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